A private junior high and high school for girls with behavioral problems, emotional problems or learning problems, ages 13-17, in Arizona.
This is a true story: A woman walked into a fast-food restaurant with her two young children and noticed a group of teen boys sitting at a table. They had spiked, brightly colored hair and leather outfits with chains everywhere. "I bet their parents are ashamed of them," she thought.
She ordered meals, picked up the tray of food, and looked around for an empty table. The place was packed, and all the tables were full. She stood for a moment, with the loaded tray in her hands and her children clinging to her, when the group of teenagers dressed in punk attire suddenly stood up. A young man with green hair walked right up to her.
"We're done, ma'am, please take our table," he said. "Let me carry that for you." He took her tray, walked to the table, and set it down carefully while one of his buddies took her children by the hand and led them to the table, and another teen brought over straws and napkins. She thanked them all for their help and kindness. "No problem," they answered and left.
Her original thought was replaced by, "I'll bet those boys' parents are really proud of them."
Teenagers often wear clothes that adults can't stand. In our eyes, many teens' outfits make them look odd, clownish, grungy, too sexy, or downright scary. But the old adage, "Don't judge a book by its cover," is especially true with teens. A really nice, kind teen can be hiding underneath an unusual outfit. Your job as parent of a teenager is to find her inner qualities and focus on who she is, not what she wears.
Remember what you and your friends wore when you were teens? In the 1960s and 1970s long hair, tie-dye shirts, bell-bottom pants, and bulky hippie sandals drove parents crazy. Fashions and fads come and go, and your teen is bound to experiment with them. Show your teenager that you love and validate him even when his style differs completely from your tastes.
If you still can't get past his outfit, try the following:
It's normal for a teen to express himself through clothes. Step in if you feel that his attire is putting him at risk or is a sign of hidden problems, such as joining a gang or feeling poorly about himself. Talk with the school counselor for guidance. Otherwise, accept her clothes, knowing that in a year or two her style will probably change again.