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Every generation of teens has had to tackle decisions regarding sex and sexuality. However, with television messages being shoved in their faces and magazine ads displaying a level of sexuality never before seen or tolerated, today's teens have a lot more to deal with than in generations past.
I don't envy today's teens. Their choices regarding sex are far different than the choices that we, their parents, had to deal with mere decades ago. Before the sexual revolution, the ideology was that "good" kids were expected to wait until marriage. Along with the 1970s came birth control and choices for both women and men. So we went from, "just don't" to "make the right choice." And just like school uniforms eliminate the need for kids to think about and compete over what to wear, the "just don't" mantra kept them from having to think too hard about sex.
Without judging the good or the bad of sexual freedom for teens, the reality is that the wrong choice can be lethal. Back in the day when you "just didn't," getting mono was a dead giveaway that you must have been doing something bad. Today, a condom failure, or even the failure to use condoms at all, can result in more than mono, more than "the clap"; such failures can mean AIDS. And AIDS can kill
Today, we expect our teens to navigate the rough waters of their sexuality with lots of information and tons of tools, but no real maturity. And one of the most necessary requirements for dealing with sex, for individuals of any age, is maturity. We can't just tell our teens to avoid having sex when far too many messages to the contrary are being sent and received daily.
The fact that the teen pregnancy rates are rising, despite sex education classes and the availability of free birth control for teens, signals that something is definitely wrong. The messages that adults have been sending to teens - that choices about having sex have to be well thought out and that protected sex is the only way to go - are obviously not reaching their intended audience.
One fact remains simple: Kids need to talk about sex. They need to talk about it with their parents and with other kids. What happens is that kids are forced to endure hours of sex education courses and chats with adults and parents who might be incredibly uncomfortable with a subject that the older folks were brought up to believe was best kept under the covers - literally. Many adults don't talk to each other about sex, let alone their kids.
And, if kids can't talk to each other about sex, they have no business partaking in the act. What happens is that a kid who believes he or she is ready for sex (in any form) flounders when the need for a discussion of birth control arises. The reality is that taking your clothes off under the covers or in the dark is far different from making sure that the condom gets where it needs to go. In order to avoid a very uncomfortable situation, kids elect to avoid the topic altogether. It is this avoidance that leads to teen pregnancies, STDs, and AIDS.
So, perhaps the next step in ensuring that our teens make the best choices is to give them the tools they need to talk about sex and to be comfortable talking about it with each other, not just in peer groups, but when it really matters - when they are alone with each other and considering taking their relationship to a new level.
Most teens these days are well aware of the fact that parents and other adults would rather they wait until they are adults to have sex. Most are also well aware that sex can have some very unpleasant physical results. What they haven't been equipped to deal with are discussions with each other about sex, what each person seeks to achieve from sex, and/or how to have honest discussions with their partner about sex. Such discussions require a level of maturity and comfort with the subject that adults have yet to master, let alone teens. Therefore, we can't expect our teens to fully participate in sex or discussions of sexuality until we, as adults, become comfortable with giving them the skills they need to do so.
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