Daughters and Sexual Harassment
Boarding Schools for Girls
Girls' school classrooms are places where where girls are excited about being in school.
Learn about specialized boarding schools for girls, such as boarding schools that specialize in learning disabilities, oppositional defiance, and substance abuse issues >>
Girls Learn Differently
Here you will learn about girls learning styles and some of the benefits of single-sex schools and classes.
The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.
~Quentin Crisp (British writer).
There's not a kid alive that won't someday have to deal with at least one form of peer pressure. The reality is that peer pressure is simply a fact of life for kids and teens. Yet what may be as harmless as what sport or color you like best when you're in second grade often turns into the pressure to try drugs and alcohol, have sex, and/or participate in other forms of behavior which go against everything you've learned in life.
As parents, we struggle to make sure that our kids have been taught right from wrong and that they have all of the emotional tools necessary to survive the teen years. But what we often forget, or refuse to acknowledge, is that our teens are facing pressures and making decisions that have little to do with what we taught them and more to do with finding out how they fit into their peer groups.
Simply put, the choices that kids make when facing pressure to go against what they feel is right are, in part, what determines their future character. Parents work to give their children the building blocks they need to stand firm against the pressures of the teen years. Children must use those building blocks to build their own platform of character.
So, what are parents and teens to do?
On simple choices such as how to dress, what music to listen to, and what guys are the most likeable, teens are pressured to run with the crowd. But what crowd they pick can make all the difference in the world. Although Arthur Fonzarelli had a hidden heart of gold, parents would rather have seen their young girls with clean-cut Ritchie Cunningham. And, although Laverne DeFazio was witty and undeniably charming in her own way, Shirley Feeney was the chaste young lady parents wanted at the Sunday dinner table.
But when you're a teen, going against the grain is just about as horrifying as walking around with a huge zit on the end of your nose. It's to be avoided at all costs. Teens are judged, and judge others, by their ability and willingness to fit in. Yet fitting into a predetermined mold is what teens have been battling parents about for eons. Parents have a set way that they would like their teens to behave, a way they'd like to see them dress, and a vision for their future. And teens hate it! They rebuff the status quo simply because it has been set by a group of middle-aged has-beens.
Yet those same teens will willingly melt themselves into a mold created solely by individuals their own age who have little or no experience in the real world. Sounds reasonable, no?
The reality is that being popular or cool may have little to do with making sound choices or following the right path. It's ultimately up to the teen to practice good judgment and decide for herself what's best or right. When faced with decisions such as trying pot or getting drunk for the first time while still underage, we have to rely on the fact that we've given our teens everything they need to know to make the best decisions. And, as parents, we need to stand behind our kids when they, inevitably, make some of the worst decisions possible.
As teens, kids need to be relatively free to make mistakes within the confines of the rules set by their parents. Although kids are bound to break some rules, this does not mean that parents should relax their basic regulations. Rules are a part of life. Kids will rebel but will ultimately recognize that even adults have to abide by rules they may not initially, or ever, agree with.
Thinking about the old adage "with friends like that, who needs enemies?", teens need to recognize that what is cool and popular is the kid who can think for himself and blaze a trail. The choice is whether or not that trail will lead to sound decisions or decisions that have been made for you.
It's ok to say "no, thank you" when offered a drink or a toke. It's ok to say "no" when pressured to take steps toward sexual maturity when you're not ready. You need to think past the present moment when you might be embarrassed or feel like you're not part of the crowd, and down the road a bit to the point where you'll face the consequences for your actions. It's better to lose a "friend" who doesn't have your best interests at heart than to do something that you don't feel comfortable doing.
So, as you battle your parents for what you want and what's important to you, make sure that you apply that same thinking to the friends you choose to hang out with.