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By Meghan Vivo
How an adolescent acts is directly related to the way he feels about himself. Studies show that teens who feel worthy, valuable, and accepted are less likely to experiment with drugs and alcohol, engage in risky behaviors, and act out at home or in school.
In a book titled Reclaiming Youth at Risk: Our Hope for the Future, authors Larry K. Brendtro, Martin Brokenleg, and Steve Van Bockern explore the importance of self-esteem in reaching at-risk youth. According to the authors, adolescents are vulnerable to learning, social, and emotional problems if they do not develop a strong sense of self-worth.
But where does self-esteem come from? Stanley Coopersmith, renowned psychologist and author who was among the first to study the sources of self-esteem, examined 1,748 middle-class children and their families and found that three important characteristics distinguish children with the highest self-esteem: (1) The children were more loved and appreciated at home; (2) They had parents who set firm guidelines; and (3) Their homes were characterized by democracy and openness. Coopersmith also identified four basic components of high self-esteem in children: significance, competence, power, and virtue.
The staff at the Academy at Swift River, a therapeutic boarding school for adolescents ages 14-17.5 in Massachusetts, works to nurture self-esteem in struggling teens by integrating each of these components in its clinical, academic, and residential programs.
Significance
Not surprisingly, Coopersmith discovered that children want to feel valued, respected, and loved – in other words, they need to feel significant. He explained, “Significance is found in the acceptance, attention and affection of others. To lack significance is to be rejected, ignored, and not to belong.”
Teens who are labeled as “bad kids” often feel rejected and isolated from society, and in turn, reject those around them, says Jordana Metz, LCSW, M.Ed, a clinical counselor at Swift River Academy.
When adolescents attend Swift River Academy, they discover their significance by living in a safe, nurturing environment where they are encouraged to contribute to the school community and reconnect with passions and interests they may have given up in favor of drugs, alcohol, and other forms of escape.
One student, Metz recalls, arrived at the academy with severe anxiety and significant drug use. He had abandoned his love for art and replaced it with drugs, video games, and other activities to numb himself. He experienced a major turnaround at Swift River, which Metz attributes, in part, to the significance he began to feel by making friends, creating art for the people and spaces around him, and reconnecting with his passions. After graduating from Swift River, he went on to attend an arts college and pursued his passions in life.
Competence
A sense of personal achievement is critical to an adolescent’s self-esteem. Competence usually stems from reaching goals, solving problems, and overcoming obstacles that have some significance in the individual’s life. In the words of Coopersmith, “Competence develops as one masters the environment. Success brings innate satisfaction and a sense of efficacy, while chronic failure stifles motivation.”
When adolescents feel that they have failed, whether in school or their personal lives, they often give up. As a result, they say they don’t care, but in most cases, they really do, says Metz.
Private therapeutic boarding schools like the Academy at Swift River provide endless opportunities for teens to develop their competencies. By becoming a member of student council, accepting a position as dorm head, and participating in other activities, students at Swift River are encouraged to take on leadership roles and build on their accomplishments.
In addition to honing skills they already have, teens have unique opportunities to explore new pro-social activities and interests. For example, one student became an avid weight lifter during his stay at Swift River because it helped him cope with stress and anxiety and offered him a sense of belonging with a positive peer group that also enjoyed spending time in the gym. Other students have discovered interests in crossword puzzles, books, or other areas, and have started their own clubs on campus.
All of these opportunities help adolescents develop a sense of competence – a sense that they are unique individuals with special interests and talents to offer the world. “By experiencing a sense of mastery, even in just a couple areas of life, whether sports, arts, academics, or some other area, teens find solace and a sense of competence,” says Metz.
Power
Power, or the ability to influence the world around us, is another important element of self-esteem. If our actions have no impact and we have no “say” in what happens around us, we begin to feel inadequate. According to Coopersmith, “Power is shown in the ability to control one’s behavior and gain the respect of others. Those lacking power feel helpless and without influence.” Adolescents who lack a personal sense of power may compensate by trying to control other people and situations.
At Swift River, the process of change is self-directed. The progress students make occurs because the adolescents have taken personal responsibility and decided that there are better ways to get their needs met. In this way, change is authentic, internalized, and long-lasting.
As teens begin to accept more responsibility for their own behavior and the circumstances of their lives, they discover their ability to work through conflicts, learn from mistakes, and take pride in their accomplishments.
The social structure at Swift River Academy is conducive to developing a sense of control and influence. More advanced students are seen as role models and mentors to newer students who are still getting their bearings. Counselors look to these advanced students for participation and feedback in group therapy sessions and offer greater privileges and freedoms to students who have proven their trustworthiness.
“Rather than showing their ‘coolness’ by acting out, our students learn that they can use their talents and abilities to do something meaningful for themselves and the school, which gives them a strong and lasting sense of personal power,” notes Metz.
Virtue
Often, teens act out in an effort to get their needs met, albeit in unhealthy ways. According to Coopersmith, self-esteem improves when adolescents feel good about their decisions and thus feel worthy of the respect and love of others. He explained, “Virtue is worthiness judged by values of one’s culture and of significant others. Without feelings of worthiness, life is not spiritually fulfilling.”
As students at Swift River become firmly rooted in the school community, they are encouraged to release feelings of blame and guilt and instead, identify and act in accordance with their principles and beliefs. Students learn to hold themselves and each other accountable, and “pay it forward” by participating in community service projects that allow them to see how good it feels to give back.
“One of our main goals,” says Metz, “is to teach adolescents more adaptive ways of getting their needs met by participating in activities and making choices that make them feel good, such as socializing with friends, working on an art project, or exercising, rather than doing things that help them not feel bad but also don’t make them feel good, such as drugs, television, or video games.”
An Emerging Sense of Self
Swift River Academy works with teens and their families to facilitate progress in all four of these areas, graduating students who feel empowered to make better choices, proud of their accomplishments and abilities, and accepted and respected by others. With guidance from their therapists and teachers, these adolescents can go on to lead balanced, productive lives in spite of previous struggles with depression, anxiety, substance abuse, defiance, and other emotional and behavioral issues.
When problems begin boiling to the surface at home, a private boarding school for teens provides a safe, structured, supervised environment for adolescents to re-evaluate their choices and set new goals. Away from cell phones, computers, and negative peers, a space opens up that can be filled with positive influences – and with more positive influences and experiences, self-esteem blossoms.
“One of the earliest and most apparent changes in our students is an exponential increase in self-esteem,” says Metz. “Parents often report that they have never seen their child so comfortable in their own skin, so in touch with their emotions and the feelings of others, and so mature in their interactions with others. Given time, space, and a sense of success, it’s amazing what these teens accomplish.”
