Re-establishing Communication with Your Teen
By Graciela Sholander
When's the last time you and your teen really talked? If you can't remember, then it's time to re-establish communication and rebuild a strong relationship with your son or daughter. It's not too late to start now.
It may be that you and your teen don't get the chance to talk much because of busy schedules. Perhaps when you do talk, it turns into an argument. Or maybe you're talking, but your teen isn't. Whatever your situation, the following pointers can help you open channels of communication with your teenager.
- Respect each other, even your differences. When your child was young, she believed every word you said. But as a teenager, she's developing her own belief system. It's normal for both of you to disagree sometimes. Instead of arguing over differences in opinion, create an environment where it's safe for both of you to express your ideas. Give each other a chance to speak. Listen without making fun of what the other says. Even in the midst of your differences, look for common ground.
- Pay attention. When your teen comes by to talk, make eye contact. Put aside what you're doing to let him know you're listening. Show you're interested by focusing on what he's saying. Ask relevant questions. When you want to initiate a conversation, watch for cues that your teen's receptive. If you see that he needs peace and quiet, give him space. Look for the right moment to talk.
- Add a touch of humor. Laughter IS good medicine for the body, mind, and soul. Keep things light to ease tension. Add humor to your conversations, as long as you're laughing together and not at each other's expense.
- Talk with your teen daily. Meals offer great opportunities for conversation. Every day, try to have at least one meal together with your teen. Take him out to lunch once in a while. Share something interesting you read or heard on the radio. When you say goodnight, spend a few minutes talking about how the day went for each of you.
- Write notes. If your teen won't listen, break the ice with a note. Hand it to her or slip it under her door. Keep it short, simple, and from the heart. You could write something like, "I'm sorry," "You're AWESOME!" or, "Want to go out for ice cream?" If your teen has difficulty sharing her thoughts with you in person, suggest that she write them down. Give her a "Let's Talk" journal and ask her to write whatever is on her mind, then invite her to share the journal with you when she's ready.
- Validate and encourage. They may not show it, but teenagers love to be praised. Remember to regularly - and sincerely - point out your teen's strengths. Praise something she did well. Encourage your teen in his endeavors. You'll raise his self-esteem while opening the door to better communication.
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