News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

When teenagers begin developing friendships with people of the opposite sex, it can cause a whole new set of questions and concerns to rise to the forefront of a parent's mind. Is it OK for them to be alone? If they're in your teen's room, should the door stay open? What if you set rules that are different than those of other parents?

"'Nobody else can tell you what's right in your household,' says panelist Marcie Lightwood. 'You have the right to set your own rules according to your values.' There is nothing wrong with limiting the time teens can be alone with the opposite sex."

Parents have the right to set clear rules and to enforce those rules. Some teens may need more structure than others (especially those who are more impulsive), so rules will vary from house to house. Source: The Morning Call (Allentown, Pennsylvania)

Labels: rules, sex, values

A study conducted by Stephanie Madsen at Maryland's McDaniel College found that the dating rules parents set may reflect the condition of their own love lives. Researchers looked at conditions such as curfews, minimum ages for dating, and rules about sexual activity.

"Parents who are unhappy, dissatisfied, or insecure in love... go beyond limits and try to dictate or control how their teens treat their dates, the study found. These parents try to influence their kids to value certain things and act in specific ways."

In contrast, parents who were happy with their love lives took on more supervisory roles, such as asking teens to disclose their plans when going out and to check in if those plans change. Source: The Wall Street Journal

Labels: dating, parenting_styles, rules

A concerned parent recently wrote in to the Wall Street Journal's "Work and Family Mailbox," looking for advice about her teenage children. She's divorced, and her ex-husband allows their kids to use his house when he's out of town, even though they've been caught throwing parties. Because she's not willing to let the kids use her house, her kids say she doesn't trust them, and she isn't sure what to do.

"I'd recommend holding your ground. Your teens are simply behaving like normal adolescents, pushing boundaries and challenging rules, says Pauline Tesler, a San Francisco family-law attorney and co-author of 'Collaborative Divorce.' The limits you've set are appropriate..."

Tesler goes on to say that even the most well-intentioned teen is subject to peer pressure, which should be considered when setting rules and boundaries. She also suggests that the woman and her ex-husband work hard to come to an agreement about rules regarding empty houses and unauthorized parties. Source: The Wall Street Journal

Boarding Schools Info offers comprehensive lists of the best private schools, boarding schools, and independent schools. Find the best school for your teenager at BoardingSchoolsInfo.com.

Labels: boundaries, responsibility, rules

Setting rules and establishing boundaries is part of being a parent. Breaking rules and pushing boundaries is often part of being a teenager. Finding common ground between two people whose goals are so diametrically opposed can be tricky, but it can be done - in the context of a healthy relationship.

"Rules without relationship are generally crafted for selfish, egocentric and unloving reasons. The goal is control, personal convenience, and power. These types of rules not only have no relationship - they actually stifle it!"

Parents need to be careful about setting rules simply because it makes their lives easier. Rules need to be set that benefit the child. This type of rule-setting makes it easier to establish and maintain a healthy parent-child relationship. Source: Carlsbad Current Argus

Labels: communication, relationships, rules

Are parents harder on first-born children than their younger siblings? A new study indicates the answer may be yes.

Researchers from the University of Maryland, Duke University, and Johns Hopkins University sorted through data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics on teen pregnancy and high school drop-outs. The researchers found that parents were more likely to withdraw financial support from first-borns who got pregnant or quit high school than their younger siblings. Parents were more likely to allow the younger brothers or sisters to live at home. Younger siblings were also more likely to drop out of school and get pregnant compared to the first-borns in the study.

Lead author Ginger Zhe Jim believes that most parents want to take a tough stand and set an example of their first-borns who get in trouble in order to deter the younger ones from following suit.

This study appears in Economic Journal.

What happens to the younger siblings of a teen struggling with drug addiction? Learn about how to parent your other children while getting your child help for teen alcoholism.

Labels: parenting, rules, siblings

A husband and wife who were raised in strict homes are likely to run a tight ship of their own. But as their children become teens and start to rebel, they worry they've been too strict.

"Teens normally rebel against authority, but it sounds like you are questioning whether or not the rules you grew up with are right for your teens. You and your husband need to identify your main concerns for your teens... The thing you want to change is coining everything as a rule when it is really about principles and values."

Family columnist Colleen O'Reilly goes on to suggest instituting family meetings as a venue in which every family member can voice concerns, questions, and complaints. Read more at LaCrosseTribune.com.

If you teen's rebelling has gotten out of control you may think of sending them to something like a Brat Camp. Turn-About Ranch has been featured in many Brat Camp type shows in Europe. Learn more about Turn-About Ranch and other Brat Camps at www.bratcamps.com.

Labels: parenting_styles, rebelling, rules

The days of dropping off your teen at the mall on Friday night are over - at least in one New Orleans-area city. Clearview Mall in Metairie has instituted a new policy aimed at limiting the number of teens that hang out in the mall on Friday and Saturday nights.

"According to the mall's Parental Escort Policy, patrons 16 and under must be accompanied by an adult who is at least 21 years old on Fridays and Saturdays from 4pm until closing. To enforce the rule, the mall has hired extra security to guard the shopping center's entrances and card the masses, General Manager Tara Lubrano said."

Though the policy has been in place since last summer, mall officials stepped up efforts to enforce it after a particularly violent fight which took place on Feb. 9, 2008. Read more at NOLA.com.

Labels: curfews, loitering, rules

Warnings and lectures don't do much to motivate teens. Any parent of a teen can vouch for that. When teaching a teen to take responsibility for their actions, tactile consequences speak louder than words.

"A simple rule might be: 'If the car is not home by curfew, then you won't be able to use the car for a day.' If the teen continues to miss curfew, then don't let him drive for increasingly longer periods. And don't soften the blow by offering rides to school. Let him take the bus, so he learns, and learns quickly, from it."

Neither emotional humiliation nor physical pain should be used as consequences. If it is, it simply pits parent against child and valuable lessons about personal responsibility are never learned.

A therapeutic boarding school can help a teenager who's spinning out of control emotionally. By combining accredited academics with counseling and therapy, a good school will change a child's future. Visit TherapeuticBoardingSchools.com to find a school today.

Labels: consequences, parenting, rules

Are the rules that were developed by American spies in the 1950s applicable to parenting? Gregory Ramey PhD, thinks so. At a recent visit to the International Spy Museum in Washington, D.C., he found himself thinking that parents would do well to follow the "Moscow Rules".

"'Pick the time and place for action.'... With teens, discipline judiciously. When you make everything important, nothing is important to your teen. Chose your issues carefully, and avoid nagging and sarcastic remarks. When you need to deal with an important issue, don't impulsively react at a time of anger. Select a time when both you and your teen can talk, listen, and try to understand each other."

Other rules include "keep your options open" and the ever-important "you're never completely alone". Though this last rule was considered a bad thing for spies, it's a great thing for parents.

Bromley Brook is a boarding high school for girls in New England. Visit bromleybrook.com for more information.

Labels: discipline, parenting_tips, rules

Many parents struggle with setting rules and sticking to them. Teenagers are excellent at pressuring parents to ease up on things like curfew and even punishments. But parents need to remember that they have a responsibility to help their kids navigate the troublesome teenage years - and rules are part of that navigation.

"...all kids know they need guidance from their parents. In fact, they want it. They're probably not going to admit that. To do so would be too much of a concession, too big of a blow to their youthful egos. They like the reassurance that comes with knowing there's somebody who cares for and looks after them.'

If you've set rules that you know are fair – stick to them. Be prepared for the pressure your teen will exert and the anger he may feel. Know that in the long run, you're doing what's right and what's best for your child.

Aspen Ranch, a therapeutic boarding school, also offers equine therapy. Learn more at AspenRanch.com.

Labels: discipline, responsibility, rules

Setting rules about the type of language and behavior that's allowed is every parent's right. Such boundaries also benefit the teens that have to follow them, so long as it's handled appropriately.

"'Be careful when you lay down the rules so as not to embarrass your daughter,' say panelist Rochelle Freedman. She suggests you talk to your daughter first and warn her you plan to discuss her friends' bad language with them."

Other experts suggest using humor to make the conversation less awkward.

Excel Academy offers a structured environment that helps troubled teens work on their issues while catching up on missed school credits.

Labels: communication, respect, rules

Over the last coupe of weeks, homes and parents all across America have been welcoming college students returning home for the summer. While both student and parent are usually glad to see each other, tensions can begin to arise as the children exert more independence and the parents wonder at the lack of communication, untidy rooms, and new piles of laundry.

"[Natalie] Caine says one of the biggest and most common mistakes parents make is asking too many questions. She says this can alienate college students and make them feel as if their parents don't trust them."

College-age children and parents have very different views on the parent-child relationship. The parent thinks that less communication means the relationship will deteriorate, while the child believes that the relationship will remain strong and doesn't need as much attention. Read more at BendBulletin.com.

Labels: college, communication, rules

The common school of thought for parenting teenagers is that adolescence is a time for parents to let go; to set fewer rules and have fewer boundaries. While the teen years are a critical time for people to begin learning more about personal responsibility, it's a season of life that still requires a lot of parental participation.

“AHEAD joins SAMHSA and its experts in asserting that rules are even more important when kids get older because they need to know exactly what their boundaries and expectations are... Clear rules are especially important when it comes to drugs and alcohol. Research shows that young people are less likely to use tobacco, alcohol, and illicit drugs if their parents set rules about not doing so."

Parents need to set clear rules and consistently enforce them, which includes being consistent about consequences when rules are broken. Read more at JournalReview.com.

If you teen is struggling with drug use and addiction, visit DrugRehabTreatment.com to learn more about how you can help and find a residential drug treatment center.

Labels: boundaries, dependence, rules