News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Telling your children to follow rules is one thing; showing them how by doing it yourself is another. This is a lesson that one Oregon mom failed to teach when she objected to a book her son had checked out from his high school library.

"She declared to the world, or at least the Pacific Northwest, that she would not return the book and would, in fact, burn it. She also claimed that if the library tried to replace the book, she would 'have somebody else check it out' and she'd keep that one, too."

Whether she realized it or not, she set the example for her son that you don't have to follow rules that you don't like or agree with. It can be easy for parents to forget that teens don't just listen to what we say, they watch what we do. And if our words and actions don't line up, we can become our own children's excuse for breaking rules. Source: Statesman Journal (OR)

Labels: consequences, role_models, rules

For years, the entertainment industry has placed ratings on products such as movies, television programs, and video games. But do these ratings have the desired effect? Do parents use them, or even know what they mean?

"While about 80 percents of parents use the MPAA's ratings, the number drops precipitously for TV ratings, where as few as 39 percent of parents said they used them. When quizzed about the exact meanings of TV ratings, parents fared even worse, with only 18 percent recognizing that 'FV' in a TV rating had something to do with violence... and 5 percent understanding that 'D' stood for dialogue with sexual intent or innuendo."

The rating systems can also have the adverse effect of increasing the appeal of a movie, TV show, or video game's appeal by adding the allure of being officially "off limits". Source: Cognitive Daily

Labels: media_infuences, ratings, role_models

A majority of parents are setting a bad example for their newly licensed teen drivers, according to a national survey done by State Farm Insurance.

Researchers from the company surveyed 1,000 parents of teens who had received their licenses between June 2007 and May 2008. Among their findings: 65 percent of parents use cell phones while driving, 68 percent drive when they are in a hurry, and 65 percent drive when they are overtired.

"We are asking parents to be aware that their teens are watching and learning from their behaviors," said Laurette Stiles, vice president of Strategic Research for State Farm.

Parents who responded to the survey indicated that they would like more information on helping their teens learn to drive on freeways and at night, as well as on issues such as driving while distracted, drinking and driving, and road rage.

Labels: driving, role_models, safety

"No smoking in the house" is a simple rule that helps teens stay away from cigarettes, according to a new study from the Boston School of Public Health.

Dr. Alison Albers and her colleagues interviewed 2,217 students 12 to 17 years old over a four-year period. Teens who lived in homes with "no smoking" rules were less likely to experiment with cigarettes and more likely to believe that smoking is socially unacceptable.

If parents do not smoke themselves but allow others to smoke in their homes, their children were twice as likely to experiment with cigarettes.

"This basic intervention - implementing a household smoking ban - has the potential to promote anti-smoking norms and prevent adolescent smoking," Dr. Albers said.

The study was published in the Journal of Public Health.

Labels: role_models, rules, smoking

The average American household has three to five televisions. On average, teenagers spend more time watching TV than in school or talking to their parents.

"This should be a major cause for concern among parents, as studies have found that excessive amounts of TV can lead to obesity, poor school performance, anger issues and early sexual activity. This is because in an average year of television viewing, a teen will be exposed to more than 14,000 sexual references, over 1,000 alcohol commercials, more than 1,000 murders, rapes, assaults, and armed robberies, and nearly 20,000 commercials."

That's a lot for a teenager to take in during a year. If parents aren't active in their kids' lives, television can influence the way teens view themselves and the world around them. While some parents may be tempted to unplug the TV and pack it way in the attic, what they really need to do is simply spend more time with their kids. The messages kids get via television can be confusing and possibly damaging. They need their parents to help them process and keep a "real world" perspective. Source: Pryor Daily Times

Worried your teen is spending too much time playing video games or surfing the internet? Internet or Video Game Addiction is a real problem many parents face. Learn more at Video-Game-Addiction.org.

Labels: media_infuences, role_models, tv

Preteen girls are going to beauty salons for hair coloring, permanents, and straightening, according to an article in the New York Times. Color streaks that make them look like teen idol Hannah Montana are particularly popular.

"We've had girls as young as 6 in for highlights, but 9 and 10 is more the norm," said Tammy Currin, the owner of the Toadly Kool Me in Fayette, N.C. "If it's not a relaxer, highlights are usually the first step mothers will allow. Once the girls' friends see them, they're in the next week getting streaks of their own."

Unlike most adult clients who want natural-looking highlights, the preteens prefer chunky ones in wild colors like hot pink. "It's a lucrative niche market for the industry that is beginning to be addressed at trade shows and other association events," Gordon Miller of the National Cosmetology Association told Times reporter Camille Sweeney.

Mark Goodman, the vice president of the association and owner of Hair Designers, a salon in Hilton Head Island, S.C., said that preteens make up 25% of his clients. "Five years ago, the rule of thumb was 15- to 16-year-olds would come in for their first color. Now, that girl is 10," he said.

Some people are uncomfortable with the trend. Nancy Amanda Redd, author of Body Drama, attended Harvard University and is a former Miss Virginia. She said, "These girls are going from baby to mini-adult. They feel naked without their highlights. I think we need a giant dose of realism here."

Source: New York Times

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Labels: media_infuences, role_models, tweens

Along with the already numerous responsibilities of parenthood, some parents are adding one more: environmental responsibility. They've made the choice to "go green," and are teaching their kids to do the same.

"Greer Tidwell says it was important to he and his wife to hand off these standards to his daughter Brittainy, 15, son Hunter, 13, and daughter Sophie Rose, 5. 'We have tried to develop a foundation of being thoughtful consumers and to connect the kids to the outdoors through gardening and through hunting,' he says."

The family also recycles, switched to energy-efficient light bulbs, and gets most of their vegetables from their own garden. Read more at Tennessean.com.

Labels: responsibility, role_models

Parenting is a full-time job, at least for the first 17 or 18 years. But by that age, children begin morphing into adults and the best thing a parent can do is - less.

"I still try my 'Not a good idea,' or 'Work harder at this,' but my guidance lacks its former authority. My voice is a distant bell. She hears it, but she may ignore its call."

A child's transition to young adulthood can be as hard for the parent as it is for the child. Responsibilities decrease and worry almost inevitably increases. Still, as teens move toward adulthood, the role of the parent becomes one of "consultant," and letting go becomes a necessity. Read more at NorthFulton.com.

If your child is transitioning into adulthood and dealing with recovery from substance abuse, then NorthStar Center can help. NorthStar's addiction recovery programs for young adults combine a sober living environment, therapy, and academics.

Labels: independence, influences, role_models

Parents of teenagers rarely feel heroic. And most of the time, kids' attitudes towards parents and rules enhances a parent's non-heroic feelings. But parenting teens is tough, deserves some recognition, and will benefit kids in the long run.

"Yes, you will get the 'eye roll'; yes, you will get the 'I don't believe you are actually doing this to me'; yes, your teen might be upset. But, in a private moment years hence, when reflecting on his or her teenage years, your child might say, 'Well, yes, my parents embarrassed me at the time, but I certainly knew they cared about my well-being. My friends' parents didn't check up on them; they thought I was the lucky one.'"

Though boundaries can be hard to set (and even harder to defend); though your insistence that they 'check in' might cause tension, you're letting your kids know that you care and you're helping them grow into the adults they're meant to become. Read more at JewishJournal.com

Old fashioned values are the core part of Turn-About Ranch's programs for troubled teens. Through equine assisted therapy, traditional therapy, and hard work, troubled teens work through their issues to turn around their lives. Visit www.turnaboutranch.com to learn more.

Labels: parents, respect, role_models

Richard Dudum is a father of four. Three of his kids are teenagers, and two of those are girls. He has a unique ability to communicate with teens, and he uses that ability in his newest book "What Your Mother Never Told You – A Survival Guide for Teenage Girls".

"The father of four children... also believes that 'most of the negative messages coming from the media, the Internet and popular culture are directed primarily at girls,' especially in music videos and reality television. The book addresses a wide variety of problems that teen girls face... "

Dudum's blunt, straight-forward book has just hit #1 in Amazon's Parenting-Teenagers category, just three short months after its release.

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Labels: advice, books, role_models

Children and teens imitate their parents' patterns of aggression, according to a new study published in the Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology.

Professors Sarah Duman and Gayla Margolin interviewed members of 118 two-parent families individually, asking them how they would respond to being provoked by teasing, assaults, and so forth. The families were representative of all ethnic and socio-economic groups.

The researchers found that if parents chose aggressive responses, their children did too.

"Mother-to-father physical aggression was significantly correlated with girls' aggressive problem solving, whereas father-to-mother physical aggression was correlated with boys' aggressive problem solving," according to the authors. In other words, girls learned aggression from their mothers, and boys learned it from their fathers. Aggressive behaviors on the part of parents clearly influenced the children's choices and behaviors.

Worried that your child has anger management issues? Find the right schools that will help them learn to control their emotions and their actions at BoardingSchoolsInfo.com.

Labels: aggression, problem_solving, role_models

Every year, the Ulrich Children's Advantage Network (UCAN) surveys 1,000 teenagers to find out how they think adults are doing as teachers and parents. The purpose is to give teens a voice in hopes that teachers, parents, and those in government will listen.

"The survey is sent via the mail each year in January or February and covers 20 topics including how well they feel adults are teaching values, spending time with their families, protecting kids from violence, preventing child abuse, being honest, running the government, understanding the realities of teen sex, leading by example, and helping young people cope with anxiety and depression."

Parents averaged "B" grades for things like 'providing quality education' and 'providing a safe place to live', but averaged "C-" for 'running the government' and 'protecting the environment'.

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Labels: communication, relationships, role_models

A new study of more than 2,000 parents and their children found that boys and girls observe their bad parents' driving habits at early ages and may imitate them once they get drivers' licenses of their own.

Eighty percent of the children (ages 10 to 18 years) observed their parents speeding, and a majority saw them multi-tasking, yelling or arguing with other drivers, and not keeping both hands on their steering wheels. One-third said their parents' driving habits sometimes scared them.

"'Do as I say, not as I do' seems to be the philosophy of many parents when it comes to teaching children safe driving habits," said Bill Windsor, vice president of safety for Nationwide Mutual Insurance, the company that conducted the study.

Island View is an adolescent residential treatment for troubled teens. Learn more about alternative schools for troubled teens at www.islandview-rtc.com.

Labels: driving, parenting, role_models

The 2004 U.S. Census seems to indicate that parents are taking parenting more seriously than in previous years. About 7 percent more parents set television restrictions for their teenagers in the 2004 census than did in census 10 years ago.

"How do TV restrictions translate into healthier families? By establishing such limits, parents show their children that they care about their development and help establish certain values for their households."

More parents also read to their younger children. Analysts believe the changes reflect parents' growing concern about the challenges and dangers their kids will face as they grow up. It also indicates that parents are beginning to realize that children who grow up in a strong, stable home are better equipped to live health, stable lives when they become adults.

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Labels: parenting_tips, responsibility, role_models

In the age of text messages, internationally-equipped cell phones and MySpace pages, teens are closer to and more in touch with their parents than ever before. But is that a good thing? Or has something important been sacrificed in these new parent-teen friendships?

"Instead of saying 'Go get a Saturday job if you want to go clubbing', you see parents hand over the money - and then ask their teenagers if they can go clubbing with them. That may appear cute, but it is not good. As parents, you have got to be prepared to take the unpopularity hit."

The risk with blurring the line between parent and friend is that kids begin relying too heavily on mom and dad for just about everything. It may sound good when kids are young, but can pose big problems when it's time for them to make their own way. Read more at Women.TimesOneline.co.uk.

Finding that balance between being a friend and being a parent can be difficult for some parents. Read how Over-Protective Child-Rearing is Ruining Kids' Lives to learn why you need to learn to let go.

Labels: parenting, role_models, seperation

No matter how much the world changes, some things always stay the same; like kids fighting in the car during a family vacation. Despite inventions like iPods and portable DVD players, vacations almost always include some family tension. But, some parenting experts say there are ways to reduce the tension and make the trip fun for everyone.

"The worst thing moms and dads can do is sit the kids down and talk about how awful the drive will be and then threaten them to behave. When [Carleton] Kendrick took long drives with his children, he tried to make the road a fun experience and to do 'goofy things we've never done before.'"

Play games, sing songs, and above all - take your time. Don't try to cram too much into one day. Instead, consider picking a closer destination so you can drive less and spend more time stopping and enjoying the scenery along the way.

Read more at BendBulletin.com.

Labels: driving, role_models, vacation

Maggie Modjeski has fond memories of her dad. Growing up, he was never a harsh disciplinarian, but always found creative ways to make sure she learned the lessons she would need later in life.

"The morning after I had my first experience with alcohol and didn't feel good, he didn't lecture for my wrong doings – but I was not going to stay in bed. I was going to have a full breakfast and full day as planned."

The organization Dads and Daughters (DADS) recently conducted a national poll of fathers, in which they discovered that 75% of dads said they had a good or great relationship with their daughters, but only 1/3 believed their involvement was vital to their daughters' well-being. Read more at WinonaDailyNews.com.

The absence of a father figure in a teens' life can result in teenage drug abuse and addiction. Learn the signs of teen drug use at Adolescent-Substance-Abuse.com.

Labels: fathers, influences, role_models

Disappointment is part of life. You teen will feel disappointed about friendships, test scores, tryouts for plays and sports teams; she'll even feel disappointed with you on occasion. You can model responses that help your teen learn to handle disappointment.

"Express your own sadness when it is appropriate, and try to stay firmly on your kid’s side, even if she decides to be angry with you instead of the circumstance. Modeling the appropriate expression of feelings – by talking about them without using every bad word you know, by crying if you feel like it, by going for a walk or hard run, all demonstrate difference coping options for your child."

Watch the way your teen reacts to disappointment. What would be a mild disappointment to you can be devastating to an adolescent. Watch for signs of depression and - without pestering – ask your child how he's feeling. Read more at PoughKeepsieJournal.com.

Labels: communication, influences, role_models

The old saying "you are the company you keep" is true; even (or maybe especially) for teenagers. Most adults can look back on poor decisions they made as teenagers and point to a classmate, girl - or boyfriend who influenced them to make those decisions. Teenagers today are no different, and parents need to be aware of who their kids are spending time with.

"If your children are ditching school, experimenting with drugs and alcohol, lying, engaging in sexual activity or doing other things that cause you to worry, you can bet their decisions can be traced back to their friends."

Take time getting to know your teenager. He or she may try to shut you out at first, but be persistent (not pushy... persistent). The better you know your kids, the more quickly you'll notice behavior that's uncharacteristic. Consider having family movie nights, mandatory family dinners, and other activities that will give you adequate time to know your child and ample opportunities to offer the wisdom and guidance he or she needs. Read more at CleburneTimesReview.com.

Labels: communication, influences, role_models

Some parents, in an attempt to protect their teens from making poor decisions, will resort to checking out their MySpace pages, listening in on conversations, and possibly even reading their diaries or journals. But what is this kind of behavior teaching the kids?

"A mentor and author of My Feet Aren't Ugly: A Girl's Guide to Loving Herself from the Inside Out (Beaufort Books), [Debra] Beck believes that parents today need to reassess how they're approaching parenting. According to Beck, 'Too often, parents inadvertently give their [kids] mixed messages. By sneaking around and looking at a teen's MySpace page, listening in on private conversations and snooping, parents are teaching that honoring someone's privacy isn't that big of a deal.'"

Open lines of communication can be difficult, but are vital during your child's teenage years. Talk to your child, not at her. This will give you the opportunity to discuss important issues like drinking, without pushing her away. Read more online.

Labels: parenting, privacy, role_models

Bruce Crevier has spent 16 years mesmerizing crowds with his basketball-spinning ability. He's even been in the Guinness Book of World Records four times. But he doesn't spin basketballs to get his name in a book, he does it to capture an audience's attention and share with them an important message: the choices you make matter.

"'G.A.M.E. stands for goals, attitude, morals, and excellence,' Crevier explained. 'If kids don't discipline themselves with good choices when they are younger, they will pay for it in later years. They can lose their family, faith and freedom."

Crevier travels around the country with his wife and kids, encouraging youth people to make healthy choices, and warning parents not to try and replace quality time with things like iPods and DVD players. Read more at MyDJConnection.com.

Teens who are spinning out of control may benefit from military boarding schools. Find private boarding schools and military boarding schools at BoardingSchoolsInfo.com.

Labels: influences, morals, role_models