News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

People who form close relationships with at least one of their siblings during childhood lower their risk for depression as adults, according to a study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry.

Professor Robert Waldinger, M.D., of Harvard Medical School analyzed results of an ongoing 68-year study of 229 men that began when they were children. Poor relationships with siblings and a family history of depression could predict if a man would experience major depression and use mood-altering drugs after age 50.

On the other hand, those with a close relationship with one sibling were at low risk for depression, even when Dr. Waldinger factored in other explanations, including parental relationships.

Labels: depression, relationships, siblings

For over 30 years, ParentingPartners has offered parenting education classes in South Carolina. The goal of the classes is to prevent child abuse and neglect, and strengthen families through their many classes and programs.

"Parent Aides are professionally trained home visitors who work one-on-one with families. They teach parents to be more loving and attentive to the needs of their children."

In addition to Parent Aides, ParentingPartners offers classes on nurturing, dealing with divorce, parenting teens and tweens, and more. Source: Wach.com

New Leaf Academy girls boarding schools in North Carolina and Oregon offer a safe, nurturing environment for middle school aged girls to grow into healthy teenagers.

Labels: communication, parenting, relationships

Teenagers don't tell their parents everything. No matter how open your relationship is with your child, there will always be topics that are too awkward for them to discuss with you. That's where teenagers can benefit from confidential conversations with a doctor or clinician.

"Giving a professional clinician private time with your child provides your teen a moment to freely express concerns. Maybe your teen will feel more comfortable broaching topics like drugs and alcohol, sexually transmitted diseases, and birth control with a clinician."

Some parents are hesitant to let their kids have confidential time with a doctor or nurse, thinking it will force their kids to talk to them instead. Unfortunately, all that typically does is force a young person to try and figure things out for themselves. Source: The Daily News

A good resource for teens interested in diet and nutrition is WeightLossCentral.org.

Labels: confidentiality, health, relationships

As parents invest time and energy into trying to understand their teenage kids, it might help them to know that their teenagers are trying to understand them, too. In her first book, "How to Raise Your Parents: A Teen Girl's Survival Guide", author Sarah O'Leary tries to shed some light on the subject.

"The teen survival guide is full of straight talk and smart advice on dealing with the 'difficult years' that every teen girl experiences. The guide covers everything from negotiation and bargaining tactics to surviving the report card storm."

O'Leary's book is helpful for both teens and parents, aiding each in understanding the other, and keeping lines of communication open. Source: Bellevue Reporter

If teen is struggling with who they are, then a wilderness therapy program can help. Visit Wilderness-Programs-Info.com to learn more.

Labels: communication, parenting, relationships

Setting rules and establishing boundaries is part of being a parent. Breaking rules and pushing boundaries is often part of being a teenager. Finding common ground between two people whose goals are so diametrically opposed can be tricky, but it can be done - in the context of a healthy relationship.

"Rules without relationship are generally crafted for selfish, egocentric and unloving reasons. The goal is control, personal convenience, and power. These types of rules not only have no relationship - they actually stifle it!"

Parents need to be careful about setting rules simply because it makes their lives easier. Rules need to be set that benefit the child. This type of rule-setting makes it easier to establish and maintain a healthy parent-child relationship. Source: Carlsbad Current Argus

Labels: communication, relationships, rules

The entertainment industry doesn't make life easy for parents with teenagers. From Jamie Lynn Spears to Miley Ray Cyrus, kids are inundated with sexual messages, not to mention the peer pressure they face to become sexually active at a young age.

"Although your kids may want to be like Hannah Montana, a recent National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy survey offered statistics providing hope that you are still the most influential role model in your child's life when it comes to sex. Research shows that regular discussions about sex with your child can delay the onset of his or her sexual activity and improve the parent-child relationship."

It takes a little courage, but talk to your kids about current events. Find out what they think of Jamie Lynn Spears' teen pregnancy, or Miley Ray Cyrus' recent racy photos. Talk about the consequences these girls face, or could face, as a result of their decisions. Give your teenager the opportunity to share her opinion and ask questions. Source: Mississippi Clarion Ledger

The Academy at Swift River helps troubled teens and their families build better relathionships. Learn more at SwiftRiver.com.

Labels: communication, pregnancy, relationships

Teenagers love to talk. They talk on the phone, online, at school, but often get quiet when parents are around. Consequently, parents feel they don't know or understand what's happening in their kids' lives. A quick chat with someone from a teen helpline revealed the 5 most common topics teens want to talk about.

"1) Relationships. Teens frequently want to talk to other teens about relationships with parents, siblings, friends and teachers. This is a broad topic I know, but interactions, building relationships and friendships are extremely important to teenagers."

The remaining top five topics were: abuse, sex, drugs and alcohol, and suicide. Source: BlogHer.com

If you feel your child is headed down the wrong path, correct their course sooner rather than later. Turn-About Ranch is a short term, high impact program for troubled teens that emphasizes old fashioned values like hard work and honesty.

Labels: commitment, relationships, worries

When children are younger, they love talking to their parents. As they become teenagers, however, that often changes and parents may begin to lose touch.

"While it's normal for teens to want to spend more time with their friends, parents and teens need to stay connected... When it comes to the tough topics, you are the best person to talk to your teen. Clear communication is essential to keeping teens safe. Your teen needs to know what your values and expectations are and the consequences for unacceptable behavior."

The book The Everything Parent's Guide to Raising a Successful Child offers several suggestions for keeping communication open. Among them are "do things one-on-one," "talk often with your teen using an affirmative tone and body language," and "do as I say, not as I do doesn't work." Source: Centre Daily Times

Labels: communication, relationships, teenagers

Girls who go through early puberty tend to be more popular with boys, but they also are at greater risk for teen pregnancy, sexual promiscuity, substance abuse, obesity, depression, low self-esteem, and anxiety. In addition, they are less likely to finish high school and college.

Dr. Susan Bradley, a child psychiatrist at Toronto's Hospital for Sick Children, said such girls are more vulnerable to becoming involved with an older crowd. "They relate more to the interests of the older crowd ... but they may be catapulted into things that they do not have the maturity to deal with," she said.

If girls do not receive sufficient nurturing at home, they are more likely to seek affection from boys. "Girls who look more mature will be more likely to be perceived by others and to see themselves as attractive and appropriate romantic and sexual partners, opening the doors to dating and sexual activity," according to a study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health.

The average girl in the United States matures around age 12; however, one in six mature before age 8, according to a groundbreaking study of 17,000 females in 1997.

Some experts think that early maturation is not necessarily a bad thing. Pediatrician Dr. Mark Palmert commented, "My bias is that I don't think this is something people should be concerned about. It could just be a sign of better health."

To learn if an all girls private school might help, visit BoardingSchoolsforGirls.com for more information.

Labels: girls, puberty, relationships

Do you and your teenager fight every day? These conflicts might strengthen parent-adolescent relationships.

"A conflict a day is about the right amount of rowing necessary to stay in close touch with the way your adolescent is developing," said Dr. Tabitha Holmes, assistant professor at State University of New York and a specialist in adolescent development.

Dr. Holmes found that teens reacted differently to fighting than their parents. She believes that a daily fight actually helps teenagers learn to express their own viewpoints and defend themselves. Teens that are too complacent are often in more trouble than their more contentious peers.

"Whereas parents talked about how upsetting and destructive arguing with their child was, the adolescents were able to see how locking horns helped them to understand their parents' points of view more clearly," she said. "They were also very aware that a good row forced them to think through, articulate and defend their opinions and desires."

Professor Richard Tremblay, director of the Aggression Research Group, said, "Children who learn to play roughly are actually learning boundaries, empathy and, when they go too far, reconciliation skills. Having fiery arguments with their parents is simply play fighting with words. It is this sort of life lesson that draws parents and children together." The Holmes study appears in the journal Personal Relationships.

Labels: arguments, fighting, relationships

As kids grow up, they aren't the only ones who mature. Parents go through their own maturation process, adjusting to inevitable changes.

"Many of your family's practices change, just because your children won't always be around for them. Accepting these changes as gracefully as possible is part of your maturation as a parent. Family dinners were our first casualty... I've learned to plan plenty for dinner, and then enjoy leftovers for lunch the next day if everyone isn't here."

Boyfriends, girlfriends, sport teams and activities begin interfering with family time and routine as kids move into adolescence. Though it can be hard, parents need to pull back, readjust their expectations, and let kids start spreading their wings. Read more at ParentingIdeas.org.

Labels: families, maturity, relationships

Dating is an inevitable part of the teenage years. It can test your relationship with your spouse as well as with your teen. There are some steps you can take to make these years a little easier.

"Talk to each other. There is power in unity. Talk through the issues behind closed doors until you are in agreement on your standards, such as curfews and dating venues. Is a school dance, sports event, or movie acceptable? What about an unchaperoned party? Will a boy have to come to the door or is a honking horn good enough?"

It's important for parents to talk to their teen as well, not just each other. Discussions about dating will be ongoing for everyone involved. Though you'll be ahead of the game by setting ground rules, there is still a lot of "gray area" that will have to be figured out along the way. Read more at Lifeway.com.

Labels: communication, dating, relationships

Contributing writer Gregory Ramey of the Dayton Daily News tells the story of a father who's counting the days until his daughter leaves for college. The dad has gone so far to keep a secret calendar on which he marks each day and feels a sense of hope in knowing that he's one day closer to his daughter being hundreds of miles away.

"It's easy to criticize what this dad is doing, but listening to his stories leads more to understanding and sympathy than to censure. Parenting is tough, and raising some kids is particularly demanding... How do you live with a child that you love, but don't really like?"

It's a hard question that leaves the parents who ask it feeling guilty and sometimes selfish. But kids with strong personalities can be a drain on the whole family if parents don't have some help figuring things out. Ramey goes on to offer some suggestions like "find some common ground" and "accept your limitations".

Labels: communication, compromise, relationships

In what's being hailed as "the first of its kind", 17-yr-old Eva-Maria has published a parenting book titled "You Shut Up!" aimed at helping parents build healthier relationships with their teens.

"'You Shut Up!' is not a comfortable read. It challenges parents to reassess the way they relate to their teenagers and come up with an approach that is guided by a mixture of love and pragmatism, communication and non-interference, with less judgment and more trust – something we aren't always very good at."

The book gives parents a unique insight into what teens think about parents - their roles and responsibilities - and what they, as teens, need most from moms and dads.

Private boarding schools like the Academy at Swift River can offer help to families in the form of therapy and lessons in communication.

Labels: communication, parenting_books, relationships

Teenagers may act like it's "no big deal" that they don't have heart-to-heart conversations with their parents, but in the privacy of counseling sessions many admit that it bothers them. In fact, research has shown that a teen girl's self-esteem is closely tied to her relationship with her father.

"If you want to become closer to your teenager, here are some tips. First, remember that their bravado is just that. It is meant to protect a still fragile, developing person. Second, remember that their dress and language, which may be off putting to you, is part of this armor and helps to connect them with their peers. We all had our own version and most of it is harmless."

Also remember that teen boys are much more comfortable doing stuff than just sitting around and talking. So schedule time to play his favorite sport, or go for a drive. Teens love to talk, sometimes they just need a little help getting started.

Want to learn how to text message your teen? Check out an article, Text Your Teen 4 Better Communication, to learn about the do's and don'ts of texting.

Labels: commitment, relationships, self-esteem

Younger siblings play down their successes and employ other strategies to preserve their relationships with first-borns, according to a new study of teens in Australia.

University of Queensland professors Pat Noller and Anita Blakely-Smith looked at 355 pairs of siblings ages 13 to 17 years. They found that first-borns enjoy exerting power over younger brothers and sisters, while the younger ones work to keep the peace. The younger siblings were more aware of the older siblings' need for self-esteem, but the first-borns had less concern for their siblings' feelings and enjoyed their successes.

The researchers also found that a similar dynamic occurs in twins, even when the age gap is just a few minutes.

Labels: happiness, relationships, siblings

School teachers and administrators are on the front-lines when it comes to parent-teen relationships. They hear complaints from students and get phone calls from parents. Many teachers and administrators have begun to notice that parents seem intent on protecting their children from any- and everything that could cause sadness, discomfort, or disappointment.

"Parenting in moderation means teaching our young people to accept rejection and grow from their mistakes. Without the ability to cope with life's setbacks, teens can fall victim to destructive behaviors such as binge drinking, depression, self-mutilation and eating disorders."

One tell-tale sign of 'over-parenting' is if their investing more toward a particular outcome than the child is investing. In that case, it may be time to ease up a little.

Get more parenting tips and advice at ParentingNewsletter.com.

Labels: interferring, parenting tips, relationships

Every year, the Ulrich Children's Advantage Network (UCAN) surveys 1,000 teenagers to find out how they think adults are doing as teachers and parents. The purpose is to give teens a voice in hopes that teachers, parents, and those in government will listen.

"The survey is sent via the mail each year in January or February and covers 20 topics including how well they feel adults are teaching values, spending time with their families, protecting kids from violence, preventing child abuse, being honest, running the government, understanding the realities of teen sex, leading by example, and helping young people cope with anxiety and depression."

Parents averaged "B" grades for things like 'providing quality education' and 'providing a safe place to live', but averaged "C-" for 'running the government' and 'protecting the environment'.

Private schools offer classes, extra-curricular activities, and other advantages to help students get a jump start on their adult life and career. Find a private high school at BoardingSchoolsInfo.com.

Labels: communication, relationships, role_models

"Friends with benefits" is a term today's teenagers and college students use for couples who have sex but are not romantically in love.

A new study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior indicates that such relationships are common. About 60% of 125 students surveyed at Michigan State University reported having had a "friend with benefits" relationship. Only one-tenth of these couples became full-scale romances. About a third stayed friends but stopped having sex, and a fourth broke off altogether. The rest remained "friends with benefits."

"We found that people got into these relationships because they didn't want commitment. It was perceived as a safe relationship, at least at first," Dr. Timothy Levine observed. "But there was this growing fear that the one person would become more attracted than the other." The couples usually never talked about one subject: their relationships.

On scales of intimacy, "friends with benefits" score low on passion and commitment.

An all girls boarding school, like Copper Canyon Academy, may offer girls the safe, structured environment needed to explore healthy relationships.

Labels: commitment, denial, relationships

About half of teenage girls in abusive relationships have partners who want to get them pregnant against their wills, according to a study in the journal Ambulatory Pediatrics.

Dr. Elizabeth Miller, a pediatrician with the University of California Davis Children's Hospital, and her colleagues interviewed 61 young women ages 15 to 20 years old from a variety of backgrounds who had histories of physical, sexual or emotional abuse within dating relationships. Twenty-eight reported that their boyfriends were actively trying to get them pregnant by sabotaging contraception.

"We were floored by what these girls told us," Dr. Miller said. "You think of forced sex as an aspect of abusive relationships, but this takes that abuse a step further to reproductive control of a young woman's body."

Troubled boys can find help at single sex schools. Find an all boys school at SchoolsForBoys.com.

Labels: abuse, relationships, sex

Teenaged girls often choose dating partners from within their circle of friends, and this practice may prevent dating abuse, according to a study by Sharyl Toscano, professor of nursing at the University of Vermont.

Toscano interviewed 22 female high school students ages 15 to 18 years old from Massachusetts schools and found that dating patterns have several identifiable stages. Girls choose boyfriends from within a circle of friends. As a couple gets to know one another, their first few dates are with other couples within their clique. Then the two reenters the group as a couple. After a couple breaks up, the two rejoin the group as independent members.

"In the early stages of dating, the entire group (circle) will go out to the movies or some other activity together," Toscano said. "During such outings, teens develop essential skills of dating, including but not limited to warding off unwanted sexual advances."

When a teen is unsure of whether she is in an abusive relationship, she can ask for a "reality check" from the members of her group. In this way, she protects herself by understanding social rules and norms.

The Center for Disease Control estimates that one in eleven adolescents experiences physical dating abuse every year. Toscano's study appears in the journal BMC Nursing.

Find the right boarding high schools for your teenager at teenboardingschools.com.

Labels: dating, friends, relationships

A generation ago, high school students looked down on a fellow student who dated someone that was significantly older. Today, generous age gaps are not only more common, but more accepted.

"There are always exceptions, but boys are usually intimidated by girls their age and feel more secure with someone younger, he said. And girls can have self-esteem issues of their own. The rise in girls being raised by single moms created daughters who feel abandoned by their fathers [psychologist Ivan Fleishman] said."

Girls with abandonment issues gravitate towards older men, not realizing that they're mixing their need for a father figure in with their desire for a dating relationship. They "mix needs", trying to resolve unmet childhood needs in an inappropriate way.

Copper Canyon Academy girls residential treatment and boarding school helps teen girls struggling with their emotions and engaging in risky behaviors.

Labels: dating, relationships, risky_behavior

One of the greatest parenting challenges is finding the balance between treating each child fairly while addressing the unique needs of each child. Tailoring your parenting style to each child can cause them to feel that one child is getting preferential treatment, which can cause a lot of tension in the home.

"But if children recognize the different behavior as being warranted, there's no negative effect on family relationships. Siblings who have a shared understanding of why parents treat them differently actually get along better, Prof. [Laurie] Kramer says."

For example, a child who's independent may not require as much attention and guidance as one who's more shy or needy. But the independent child is still going to wonder why the other child is getting more attention. Explaining your actions is the best way to ensure that your children understand, and is the best way to reduce the chances of one child feeling jealous or less valued. Read more at TheGlobeandMail.com.

Labels: feelings, parenting_styles, relationships