News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

In her Feb. 26 article on examiner.com, parenting writer Pennee Stuckman identified four types of parenting styles -- permissive, authoritarian, authoritative, and non-involved. Stuckman described these styles as follows:

• Permissive parents use love as their primary style, and consider love to be more important than limits. These parents believe that if they just love the child enough, the child will love them so much in return that things will go smoothly.
• Authoritarian parents use limits as their primary style, considering limits important than love and relationship. They use external control to teach right from wrong and quickly act upon a discipline issue.
• Authoritative parents are both demanding and responsive. They set clear standards for their children's behavior. The parents are assertive, but not intrusive or restrictive.
• Non-involved parents are unable or unwilling to encourage, teach or enable their children. They are often indifferent toward their children and lack the knowledge to meet their childrens basic needs.

So -- which type of parent are you?

Labels: parenting_styles

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It's an assumption every parent makes: You figure out that your first child is easily distracted by toys when he's about to push buttons on the DVD player -- or her temper tantrums can be calmed by the right kind of music -- and you think that since it worked for the first kid, you already have the answer when your second child does the same thing.

Of course, it rarely works out that way. Columnist Karen Utley expounded on this dilemma in the May 26 edition of Oregon's Statesman-Journal newspaper

I know a dad whose oldest daughter always laughed at his jokes. Whatever her trouble -- from toddler tantrums to the trauma of teen angst -- he always could relieve the tension and restore her good temper by tickling her sense of humor. Her little sister, on the other hand, didnt think Dad was quite so funny; she interpreted his hilarity as teasing that was directed at her.

The resulting misunderstandings and hurt feelings on both sides threatened to permanently damage their relationship.

Though most parents know in their heads that every child is different, the reality -- lived out in a second child who is completely unaffected by previously successful disciplinary tactics -- often comes as a surprise. But a parent who figured out the best way to raise one child has a proven track record, and can certainly figure out the second ... and third.

Has your child exceeded your ability to provide structure, guidance, and supervision? If so, a private therapeutic boarding school for teens such as The Academy at Swift River may have the answers you and your family have been looking for.

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A four-year study of parenting styles found that stricter parenting of young children means better-behaved teenagers.

 

• Researchers from Iowa State University followed 300 seventh graders for 48 months.
• The researchers concluded that poor parental skills were more to blame than biology was for problem behaviors in teens.
• The behaviors studied were temper tantrums, talking back, bullying, blaming others or external forces for one's own problems, and oppositional/defiant behaviors.

This study appeared in the Journal of Marriage and Family.

Labels: parenting_styles, strictness

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A study of almost 5,000 U.S. teenagers has led researchers to the somewhat startling conclusion that teenagers who are given more freedom are less likely to have sex than are those whose parents are overly strict.

Though the researchers emphasized that they had not established a cause-effect relationship between parenting styles and sexual activity, their evaluation noted that parents who engaged in "negative and psychologically controlling behaviors" were more likely to have more sexually active children.

"Warm, more democratic relationships - in which parents do not use negative and psychologically controlling behaviors - could help parents to communicate values, increase adolescents' identification with their parents, help youth to develop healthy decision-making skills, and also keep youth away from negative peer influences," said the study's lead author, Boston College professor Rebekah Levine Coley.

According to an article on the ScienceDaily website, Coley and her colleagues reached their conclusions after analyzing data collected during a survey of 4,980 American teens who had been born between 1980 and 1984.

Don Operario, a professor at England's Oxford University, told ScienceDaily that the Boston College study emphasizes the significant role parents play in the lives of their children. Even as modern youth are being bombarded with media-generated images and lifestyle advice, Operario said, the analysis by Coley and her co-researchers "reminds us of the foundational role of parents in determining whether their teens engage in risky sexual behaviors."

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Parents often fall into one of three styles of parenting: strict, permissive or somewhere in between. Now a new study from Oklahoma State University finds that those styles affect how parents manage their children's diets.

Researchers who looked at parents of 239 first-graders found the following:

• Strict or authoritative parents were likely to prohibit their children from eating certain foods, and pressure them into fruits and vegetables.


• Permissive parents allowed their offspring to eat what they wanted.


• Both authoritative and in-between parents tended to lead by example and eat in healthy ways themselves.


• Neither the permissive nor the strict parents were good diet role models.

Dr. Laura Hubbs-Tair, author of the study, said she believes that family dynamics are an important consideration in finding solutions to childhood obesity.

This study appeared in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association.

Labels: parenting_styles, chilhood_obesity, diet

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"It's just a phase." When your child enters adolescence, that's something you'll need to repeat to yourself often. Though it seems like your child suddenly can no longer stand to be in the same room with you, remind yourself that it's just a phase. As best you can, guard your connection with your child and make sure he knows you love him. If talking doesn't work, try hugging.

"A hug shows that, for all the negativity that they dish out on a daily basis, you are able to rise above it. Your love connection to them is so solid through your history together that it transcends everything else."

The hugs don't have to be long (in fact, given the often surly moods of teenagers, they probably shouldn't be) - just enough to let your teen know that you're still here, and still care. Source: The Globe and Mail (UK)

Labels: parenting_styles, advice, affection

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A study conducted by Stephanie Madsen at Maryland's McDaniel College found that the dating rules parents set may reflect the condition of their own love lives. Researchers looked at conditions such as curfews, minimum ages for dating, and rules about sexual activity.

"Parents who are unhappy, dissatisfied, or insecure in love... go beyond limits and try to dictate or control how their teens treat their dates, the study found. These parents try to influence their kids to value certain things and act in specific ways."

In contrast, parents who were happy with their love lives took on more supervisory roles, such as asking teens to disclose their plans when going out and to check in if those plans change. Source: The Wall Street Journal

Labels: parenting_styles, dating, rules

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An out-of-control teen can be a parent's worst nightmare. A parent will try anything he or she can think of to reel the teenager back in: grounding, taking away privileges, yelling, even calling the police. But often, these negative approaches don't help.

"[Mark] Hutton and many other therapists and psychologists argue for a more positive approach than threats and punishments. A key to this approach is learning new ways to communicate with teenagers."

Hutton suggests finding positive ways to communicate. For example, instead of saying "Don't yell at me," try saying "I need you to talk to me in a calmer tone of voice." Though adjustments in communication can be hard, they'll go a long way toward helping teens develop socially and emotionally. Source: WMUR.com.

Labels: parenting_styles, communication, discipline

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A husband and wife who were raised in strict homes are likely to run a tight ship of their own. But as their children become teens and start to rebel, they worry they've been too strict.

"Teens normally rebel against authority, but it sounds like you are questioning whether or not the rules you grew up with are right for your teens. You and your husband need to identify your main concerns for your teens... The thing you want to change is coining everything as a rule when it is really about principles and values."

Family columnist Colleen O'Reilly goes on to suggest instituting family meetings as a venue in which every family member can voice concerns, questions, and complaints. Read more at LaCrosseTribune.com.

If you teen's rebelling has gotten out of control you may think of sending them to something like a Brat Camp. Turn-About Ranch has been featured in many Brat Camp type shows in Europe. Learn more about Turn-About Ranch and other Brat Camps at www.bratcamps.com.

Labels: parenting_styles, rules, rebelling

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It's inevitable. That little girl who loved to go shopping with you is suddenly more interested in shopping with her friends. That little boy who loved to play catch suddenly doesn't want to be seen in public with you. Your child has become a teenager. It's time to shift your parenting style.

"Don't overreact. You're not imagining those mood swings. Your teen's quick-fire emotion switches show up on brain scans. They experience feelings more intensely and often overreact because they think we're upset or angry. Try counting to three before you talk. Stay calm. Lower your voice. Clarify emotions. Or take a time out. Then reconnect. Don't take it personally."

Though teens act like they don't want their parents around - they do. Respect their privacy and their desire for independence, but temper that with open communication and guidance.

Having a hard time figuring out how to be a parent and a friend? Visit our articles page to find free parenting tips for parents of teenagers.

Labels: parenting_styles, emotions, independence

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In an Op-Ed letter to the Corvallis Gazette-Times, Aliza Tuttle expresses her anger and sorrow over a recent story about a father who resorted to publicly humiliating his daughter when she was caught stealing.

"These girls are not being taught never to steal; they are being taught never to get caught and have lost all respect for their dad or uncle."

Tuttle goes on to urge the parent to attend a parenting class and learn more effective methods of punishment. She also reminds him and all parents that public humiliation of a teenage child can potentially breed hate between parent and child. Read more at GTConnect.com.

Private high schools, like the Oakley School, strive to inspire students to pursue educational and emotional growth while developing the individual skills crucial to succeed in a complex, changing world.

Labels: parenting_styles, punishment, communication

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No parent wants to see their child hurt or rejected. The desire to protect children from potentially hurtful situations is natural. But parenting expert Dr. James Dobson warns that overprotective parents may inhibit their children's emotional and relational development.

"...in order for your children to become healthy, successful, mature adults, they need to gradually learn independence and responsibility throughout their childhood. Dobson warns that overprotection can cause a child to fall behind in their preparation for adulthood. And a child who hasn't had to solve his own problems won't know how to resolve conflict with other children, and additionally may face rejection... Other risks of overprotection include selfishness, self-centeredness, indecisiveness, lack of self-discipline, unpreparedness for adult freedom and responsibility."

It's important to give your child age-appropriate responsibilities and teach him conflict resolution. Though it's hard to see children get hurt or rejected, they need to learn how to process feelings of sorrow or pain that come from those situations. Read more at 1190kex.com.

Teens with out of control feelings and behaviors can benefit from a residential treatment center like the Aspen Insittute that helps by assessing their behaviors and creating a treatment plan. Visit www.aspenassessment.com to learn more.

Labels: parenting_styles, development, problem_solving

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There seems to be a growing sense of entitlement among children and teens. Often it's caused by parents who are spending long hours at the office, and feel guilty for spending less time with their kids. To make up for their absence, the parents let their kids have nearly anything they want from X-boxes to iPods and extra-late curfews.

"If this issue resonates with your family, refocus your efforts by promoting what is important in life: family and friends, the values of compassion and honesty, helping others (have your kids volunteer for the sick or needy), religious beliefs, working toward in important goal, etc."

Assign household chores to teach your kids responsibility. And when you do have time to spend with them, spend it talking rather than shopping for the latest MP3 player or video game. Play a round of putt-putt golf or go get ice cream. Kids crave parents time much more than their material gifts. Read more at PoconoRecord.com.

Many parents and psychologists wonder if unconditional love, constantly praising children, not criticizing them under any circumstances, and emphasizing feelings wasn't a big mistake. Read more in the article Narcissistic and Entitled to Everything! Does Gen Y Have Too Much Self-Esteem?

Labels: parenting_styles, entitlement, brats

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Some parents prefer a more affectionate, permissive style when relating to and disciplining their teens. Other parents tend to be stricter and show very little emotion. Each style has its good and bad points, and either is unhealthy if taken to the extreme.

"The bottom line of parenting is providing caring support on a regular basis. That means learning to see teens as whole persons rather than as 'a stage or age;' seeing them positively and believing in their capacity for good and seeking ways to enhance and develop it; engaging them or being actively involved with them regularly."

Both the overly permissive and the overly strict parenting style can push teens away, causing them to seek either the boundaries or affection they desire elsewhere. Keeping a healthy balance and offering consistent care and support make all the difference. Read more at News-Press.com.

Worried about adolescent substance abuse? Think you may be dealing with teen drug abuse or addiction? DrugRehabTreatment.com has the answers you're looking for and ways to help you talk to your teen about drugs.

Labels: parenting_styles, support, boundaries

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One of the greatest parenting challenges is finding the balance between treating each child fairly while addressing the unique needs of each child. Tailoring your parenting style to each child can cause them to feel that one child is getting preferential treatment, which can cause a lot of tension in the home.

"But if children recognize the different behavior as being warranted, there's no negative effect on family relationships. Siblings who have a shared understanding of why parents treat them differently actually get along better, Prof. [Laurie] Kramer says."

For example, a child who's independent may not require as much attention and guidance as one who's more shy or needy. But the independent child is still going to wonder why the other child is getting more attention. Explaining your actions is the best way to ensure that your children understand, and is the best way to reduce the chances of one child feeling jealous or less valued. Read more at TheGlobeandMail.com.

Labels: parenting_styles, relationships, feelings

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With seven kids ranging in age from 26 years to 18 months old, Barbara Cox has had her share of experience navigating the tumultuous teenage years. Though several of her children have made it through that difficult time and are now adults, she says each situation was a little different - forcing her to adapt her parenting style.

"Oldest daughter Melissa sometimes cried or yelled during disagreements, saying things that hurt Cox's feelings. Second child Nick was quieter and began spreading his wings earlier than his sister had. Matt came next and often liked to say things simply for shock value."

With each child, Barbara learned something new. She's learned how to communicate and really listen to her kids, and how to include them in decisions about things like curfews and consequences. Read more at TheOlympian.com.

Boarding and residential schools can help for parents who feel overwhelmed and want the best education for their child. Boarding high schools can help teens learn new skills and grow emotionally and academically. Learn more about residential boarding schools at BoardingSchoolsInfo.com.

Labels: parenting_tips, mothers, parenting_styles

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Parenting styles have been changing over the last 20 years. It used to be that children were told what to do and expected to obey. Today, however, more parents are giving their children choices, and helping them learn how to make good decisions.

"By the time children have become teens, if their parents have allowed them to learn to make choices, they'll understand why making good choices in important."

It's important for parents to create structure when teaching good decision-making. Give your child options, but make sure each option is appropriate, good, and healthy. Read more online.

Labels: parenting_styles, influences, choices

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Lindsay Ferrier’s parents weren’t cool. They enforced curfews, grounded her for bad grades, and insisted on meeting every boy who took her out on a date. She swore that, when she had kids, she’d be a “cool” parent.

“Unfortunately, my honeymoon phase didn’t last long. In what seemed like eight milliseconds, I had two babies, my stepdaughters became teenagers, and my ‘cool parent’ days came to an abrupt end … Because according to my teens, a cool parent wouldn’t have batted an eyelash if her stepdaughter rolled in a 4 a.m., hours after curfew. I freaked. A cool parent wouldn’t mind finding a six-pack of beer in the trunk of her teen’s car. I would mind. I’d mind a lot.” [Source: The Nashville Scene]

She’s not a cool parent, but she’s a good parent. And as she reflects on her own childhood, Lindsay thinks having “uncool” parents may have been one of the best things that happened to her.

 

Labels: parenting tips, parenting_styles

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