News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

A frustrated teen wrote to Dear Abby in search of advice on how to deal with her mother, who monitors her actions so closely that she won't even let her daughter close her bedroom door. Mom has no reason to mistrust her daughter, the girl wrote, noting that she is in the top two percent of her class in school and is heavily involved in extracurricular activities.

Abby sided with the teenager:

"While I'm all for conscientious parenting, it appears your mom has gone over the top.. Is your father in the picture? If so, talk to him about the situation."

Abby suggested that the teenager also talk to a female relative or the mother of a close friend, and ask them to talk to her mom as well. The mom, Abby wrote, needs to realize that exerting too much control may simply drives her child away. Source: Fox23.com

Labels: control, independence, parents

Kim's teenage daughter had ridden her favorite horse thousands of times. She'd gone to the barn, saddled the horse, and taken it to the riding ring thousands of times. But this one time, a new horse in the barn attacked her daughter's horse, and her daughter had to scramble for safety.

"I asked her if the worst part was being scared she would be kicked or not being able to help her horse. She didn't hesitate, telling me the helpless feeling as she watched her horse get hurt was the worst. Welcome to parenthood. Every parent can relate to that pit in the stomach when something happens to our children and we can't fix it."

Kim reminded her daughter that she did the right thing by getting out of the way. Then she gave some advice that she knew she needed to follow as well: You can't second-guess your actions, you can only learn from them. Parents can't prevent every bad thing that happens to their kids, but they can learn from the situation - and help their kids learn as well. Source: Haven (NC) News

Labels: control, independence, safety

Many family vacations include a stop or extended stay in Washington, D.C. As our nation's capital, it's a favorite summertime destination. The rich history is fun for adults, but can kids enjoy it, too?

"One spot we like is the Rock Creek Park Nature Center (at the North end on the D.C. map) located just off Military Road, NW. The park, with hiking trails, creeks and scenic views, has rangers on horseback, which delight kids. The Nature Center has a separate Discovery Room, with an array of items for youngsters to handle, a planetarium, and even stables nearby for horseback riders."

If you have kids of varying ages, consider sending one adult with each child to age-appropriate attractions. There's also a huge underground cafeteria between the East and West wings of the National Gallery - a great place to cool off and grab some ice cream. Source: Fodor's

Labels: independence, summer, vacation

A study of British teenagers found that this generation is becoming more independent of their parents and more likely to be influenced by their peers, turning to members of their own age group for guidance and emotional support. This puts the youth at higher risk for drinking, smoking, and using drugs.

Researchers from the World Health Organization who surveyed 200,000 children at ages 11, 13, and 15 years old in 41 countries found that British teens ranked third for alcohol consumption. Forty percent of British 15-year-olds reported drinking at least once a week. The more time they spent with friends in the evening, the more likely the teens were to abuse alcohol and other substances.

"There is something very interesting going on about where young people are getting their support," said Candace Currie, lead author and director of the Children's and Adolescent Health Research Unit at the University of Edinburgh. "It's shifting from the home and parents to their school and peers."

Labels: independence, peers, support

Adolescence comes with dozens of changes. For some teens, those changes can be hard to handle. Parents can help their kids adjust by letting them learn how to make decisions, cope with their choices, and accept the consequences.

"Practice giving them some room to make tough decisions, and then discuss with them the outcome. Try to suspend your judgment, helping your youth 'connect the dots' between their choices and the consequences, good or bad. You will likely be pleasantly surprised at how competent your child has become at making responsible choices..."

There is a risk that children who feel out of control can overcompensate by becoming too assertive and controlling. Help them maintain a sense of control by letting them explore their own independence and identity. Read more at PostIndependent.com.

Labels: confidence, consequences, independence

Parenting is a full-time job, at least for the first 17 or 18 years. But by that age, children begin morphing into adults and the best thing a parent can do is - less.

"I still try my 'Not a good idea,' or 'Work harder at this,' but my guidance lacks its former authority. My voice is a distant bell. She hears it, but she may ignore its call."

A child's transition to young adulthood can be as hard for the parent as it is for the child. Responsibilities decrease and worry almost inevitably increases. Still, as teens move toward adulthood, the role of the parent becomes one of "consultant," and letting go becomes a necessity. Read more at NorthFulton.com.

If your child is transitioning into adulthood and dealing with recovery from substance abuse, then NorthStar Center can help. NorthStar's addiction recovery programs for young adults combine a sober living environment, therapy, and academics.

Labels: independence, influences, role_models

It's common nowadays for family members to see very little of each other. Parents are both working, kids are at school and involved in extracurricular activities. Time together is rare. But the absence of family time can lead to dangerous behavior among teens.

"The constant togetherness means young people are, for all practical purposes, raising each other. It's not just that what their peers think carries more weight than what Mom and Dad think. It's that many teenagers spend so little time with their families that they don't really know what Mom and Dad think."

As a result, teens are much more "tethered to each other" than generations past. Where one goes, the others will follow, even if the direction is not good. Read more at News.Cincinnati.com.

Boarding schools that create a positive peer culture help teens by encouraging emotional growth and self expression. Find the best boarding schools at BoardingSchoolsInfo.com.

Labels: independence, influences, involment

Helicopter parents - who hover over their child's every move and decision - are becoming more common at the University level, according to several University professors. But all of the attention can have a negative impact.

"Ms McDonald said, 'It's like the term infantilizing, which means treating young people as children and buying them more options than previous generations of undergraduates. So students often feel disempowered and less independent, especially in their last year of university when they come to speak to career advisers."

Some parents who continue trying to manage their kids' lives have gone so far as to attend job interview and call potential employers to try and negotiate salaries for their kids.

Looking for a private college prep boarding school? The Academy at Swift River offers traditional New England values at their private boarding school.

Labels: college, helicopter_parenting, independence

It's inevitable, kids grow up and eventually have to live a life all their own. But when and how parents let go is important. Let go too soon, and a child isn't ready for his newfound independence. Hold on too long, and she may never learn to be ready.

"Humorist Erma Bombeck described this difficult process in terms that were helpful to me. She said the task of raising kids is rather like trying to fly a kite on a day when the wind doesn't blow. Mom and Dad run down the road pulling the cute little device at the end of a string...Then, unexpectedly, a gust of wind catches the kite and it sails upward. Mom and Dad feed out line as rapidly as they can... Then the moment of release comes..."

The kite string slips through Mom and Dad's fingers and majestically soars away.

Dealing with a troubled teenager and thinking about getting them help? Find programs for troubled teens at 4troubledteens.com.

Labels: independence, leaving_home, parenting_tips

It's inevitable. That little girl who loved to go shopping with you is suddenly more interested in shopping with her friends. That little boy who loved to play catch suddenly doesn't want to be seen in public with you. Your child has become a teenager. It's time to shift your parenting style.

"Don't overreact. You're not imagining those mood swings. Your teen's quick-fire emotion switches show up on brain scans. They experience feelings more intensely and often overreact because they think we're upset or angry. Try counting to three before you talk. Stay calm. Lower your voice. Clarify emotions. Or take a time out. Then reconnect. Don't take it personally."

Though teens act like they don't want their parents around - they do. Respect their privacy and their desire for independence, but temper that with open communication and guidance.

Having a hard time figuring out how to be a parent and a friend? Visit our articles page to find free parenting tips for parents of teenagers.

Labels: emotions, independence, parenting_styles

Adolescence is hard on both teen and parent. Kids want to branch out, exercise their independence, but they're not ready to be completely self-sufficient.

"Maintain a positive outlook. Remember, adolescence is temporary, and your attitude can help your teens develop and maintain a good self-image, confidence, and competence. It's normal for teens to suddenly become critical of their family. They are trying to break away and need an excuse. Enjoy helping them discover their talents and interests."

Patience for poor behavior and praise for good will also help.

Labels: attitudes, emotional_growth, independence

As kids grow up and begin to develop their sense of personal identity and independence, they're more likely to challenge their parents about things like curfew, the friends they hang out with, and their general activities. They also start learning how to tell parents what they want to hear and get what they want at the same time. In other words - they begin to master the art of manipulation.

"One of the very best defenses against manipulation is to let your 'yes' mean 'yes' and let your 'no' mean 'no'. If you say no at first, and your teen keeps asking you and asking you over and over, and then you give in and say yes, you have taught them that your no does not mean no."

A parent who determines that it's time for "no" to mean "no" again needs to be prepared for some repercussions. Teens will push back, possibly harder than before, in an attempt to revert mom and dad back to their old patters. But stand firm, and in time your teen will adjust to the new "balance of power".

Need help with your troubled teen? Get help at 4TroubledTeens.com.

Labels: independence, manipulation, parenting_tips

Kids often begin exerting pressure for more freedom when they hit their early teens, or very late pre-teens (11 or 12-years-old). The pressure inevitably increases tensions between parent and child, causing parents to want to throw their hands up in frustration.

"Many parents wish that children would be perfectly compliant until they graduate from high school. This is not how parenting works. It's a gradual turnover of power and control from the parent to the child. Your child is pushing for more control, so look for areas in her life where she can grasp it without jeopardizing her health and well-being."

Instead of allowing her to stay out later, increase the amount of time she can be on-line or on the phone. Let her take a school-chaperoned trip that will satisfy her desire for adventure. This is a crucial time in a child's life; parents need to be as engaged with their kids as ever.

Got a brat on your hands? Check out learn about the history of brat camps and learn how you can help your bratty teenager.

Labels: independence, manipulation, power

A new longitudinal study from Statistics Canada has found that young people are taking more time to grow up.

The study compared young people in 1971 to those in 2001, and found today's adolescents took longer to achieve independence from their parents, lived at home longer, got full-time employment later, and postponed marriage and parenthood.

Dr. Warren Clark, author of the study, said, "Today's young adults are both delayed and elongated: delayed, because young adults take more time to complete their first major transition (leaving school), thus postponing all subsequent transitions; and elongated, because each subsequent transitions takes longer to complete and stretches the process from their late teens to early thirties."

In 1971, about three-quarters of young adults had finished school, half were married and one-fourth had children. Today it takes young adults to age 25 to complete these transitions, and many take until age 30.

Dr. Clark points to changes in women's opportunities that may partly explain the phenomenon. For example, in 1971 only 7% of women went to college; today that number is 29%.

This study appears in the journal Canadian Social Trends.

Private boarding schools can offer a safe, structured environment for teenagers to learn about themselves and their goals. Visit BoardingSchoolsInfo.com to find a boarding school.

Labels: adulthood, independence, marriage

Tweens are not quite teenagers, but they're not kids anymore either. It's a difficult time for both child and parent. As a tween begins to exercise more independence, and as hormones begin working overtime, some parents unintentionally distance themselves from their kids.

"But tweens need to feel they have a secure nest as they launch themselves into the exciting but scary world. Kids who feel disconnected from their parents lose their anchor and look for it in their peer group."

Having a strong bond with your tween is the best way to for both of you to navigate these years. Harsh discipline and stiff punishments will only work until your child starts to challenge you. Commit to regular family dinners, one-on-one time with each parent, and setting reasonable boundaries. Read more at HealthNewsDigest.com.

Residential boarding schools offer academics and activities that public schools just aren't able to. Learn more at TeenBoardingSchools.com.

Labels: communication, independence, punishment

Michael Unger has been counseling troubled teens from a wide range of socio-economic backgrounds for over twenty years. In that time, he's seen some potentially dangerous changes in the ways we parent our children.

"'In our mania to provide emotional life jackets for our kids, helmets and seat belts, approved playground equipment, after-school supervision, an endless stream of evening programming, and no place to hang out but the local mall, we parents are accidentally creating a generation of youth who are not ready for life,' Unger writes."

Parents experts seem to have "come out of the woodwork" lately, warning parents that every decision they make could "make or break" their child's self-esteem and or jeopardize their future. Unger has released a book titled Too Safe for Their Own Good: How Risk and Responsibility Help Teens Thrive, in an effort to put some perspective back into parenting. Read more at TheStar.com.

Labels: dependent, helicopter_parenting, independence

High school counselors say that teenagers should begin preparing for college life, or just life after high school, as early as possible. In addition to applying to college and filling out financial aid forms, teens should learn how to do laundry, manage their money, and do things like make their own doctor appointments.

"Susan Verduin, in the Dean of Students office at Northern Michigan University, has some more tips on how to get ready for campus life... "One of the biggest things is, they need to learn how to budget money," Verduin said. "They should sit down either with their parents or high school counselor and work out a budget as early as the last semester of high school." She added that getting a planner and taking control of time management is very important. When living on campus, she said, no one will let students know when to get up or when to study."

Other tips include becoming a better reader and learning how to handle car maintenance. Read more from the Marquette Mining Journal.

Labels: college, independence, money