News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

While her two children were growing up, Maria LeRose fought hard to keep from becoming a "helicopter mom" who hovered over every activity and micro-managed every decision. Shes so certain of the detrimental effects of this style of parenting, that she created a documentary about it, Hyper Parents & Coddled Kids:

"The hour-long documentary examines this relatively new child-rearing phenomenon  one that sees parents hovering (poised to 'swoop in' to the rescue), and micro-managing every aspect of their kids' lives  and its impact on kids," The Calgary Herald reported.

Parenting stories are accompanied by expert observations from people who are both parents and authors on the subject. The documentary reveals that our attempts to build self-esteem in our children may instead be creating a generation of kids who are depressed, anxious and lack basic coping skills.

Labels: helicopter_parenting

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For generations, the sleepover has been considered a rite of passage, connecting childhood to adolescence to adulthood. But according to an Aug. 14 Associated Press article by Kelli Kennedy, a new style of parenting is changing all of that:

"In the old days, it used to be that you would build up to a sleepover and you knew everything about that family," says Stacy DeBroff, a Boston mother of two and author of four parenting books, including The Mom Book!.

"But now a more vigilant kind of hyper-concerned parent says unknown dangers may lurk," [Debroff said.] I don't know every variable ... and so I'm going to hover and basically swoop in and take you out." ...

Some parents who allow sleepovers at select homes say they talk with host parents about what food their child can eat, what they may watch on TV and even specify what time their child should be in bed.

As more stories emerge about parties, Internet predators and lack of adult supervision, an increasing number of parents are cutting short the sleepovers. Some parents feel there's no other way to protect their kids, while others consider this over-protectiveness to be more problematic than the risks these parent claim to be shielding their children from.

Labels: helicopter_parenting, sleepovers, tweens

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Helicopter parents - who hover over their child's every move and decision - are becoming more common at the University level, according to several University professors. But all of the attention can have a negative impact.

"Ms McDonald said, 'It's like the term infantilizing, which means treating young people as children and buying them more options than previous generations of undergraduates. So students often feel disempowered and less independent, especially in their last year of university when they come to speak to career advisers."

Some parents who continue trying to manage their kids' lives have gone so far as to attend job interview and call potential employers to try and negotiate salaries for their kids.

Looking for a private college prep boarding school? The Academy at Swift River offers traditional New England values at their private boarding school.

Labels: helicopter_parenting, college, independence

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Michael Unger has been counseling troubled teens from a wide range of socio-economic backgrounds for over twenty years. In that time, he's seen some potentially dangerous changes in the ways we parent our children.

"'In our mania to provide emotional life jackets for our kids, helmets and seat belts, approved playground equipment, after-school supervision, an endless stream of evening programming, and no place to hang out but the local mall, we parents are accidentally creating a generation of youth who are not ready for life,' Unger writes."

Parents experts seem to have "come out of the woodwork" lately, warning parents that every decision they make could "make or break" their child's self-esteem and or jeopardize their future. Unger has released a book titled Too Safe for Their Own Good: How Risk and Responsibility Help Teens Thrive, in an effort to put some perspective back into parenting. Read more at TheStar.com.

Labels: helicopter_parenting, independence, dependent

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A first-of-its-kind study out of Keene State College in New Hampshire has found an association between “helicopter” parents and anxious, self-conscious kids. The researchers asked 300 college freshmen about their relationships with their parents. About 10 percent of the kids were found to have helicopter parents.

Students with helicopter parents tended to be less open to new ideas and actions, as well as more vulnerable, anxious and self-consciousness [sic], among other factors, compared with their counterparts. …

While the findings are only preliminary, and more studies are needed to back up the results, they suggest this type of over-parenting might lead to children who are ultimately not ready to leave the nest. [Source: Live Science]

Neil Montgomery, lead researcher and psychologist said that, though his team found an association between helicopter parenting and under-prepared kids, they have yet to establish a cause-and-effect relationship. The association, however, was enough for him to encourage parents to take a step back and let their kids develop some independence.

Labels: parental influence, helicopter_parenting, anxiety

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A new study out of the University of Maryland found that college students are so accustomed to calling their parents that many did it out of habit even after agreeing to give up technology for 24 hours. Are college students talking to their parents too much?

“’Some folks do have some troubles because of instant communications,’ [psychologist Daniel] Thistlewaite said. ‘Sometimes life throws us curveballs that upset us. Kids need to have time to process it, first with themselves, then with their friends, then they can call their parents. If we instantly text Mom or Dad, it’s an immediate response, and then parents respond in kind and that can exacerbate the reaction.’” [Source: Charleston (WV) Gazette]

Students who are quick to call their parents in a crisis may not learn how to manage their own lives. Instead, they come to rely so heavily on their parents’ input that they’re unable to make their own decisions.

 

Labels: helicopter_parenting, communication, college

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It's that time of year when parents drop their children off to college for the first time. It's also the time of year when colleges are increasingly facing a new problem -- "helicopter parents" who refuse to drop their children off and then leave.

• The lingering of "helicopter parents" during their child's first week on campus has become a major problem for institutions of higher learning in recent years.
• Many parents are actually trying to attend orientation sessions designed for freshmen only.
• They are disrupting the natural bonding which should take place among new dormitory mates as they unpack their suitcases and settle into their new homes away from home.
• At Colgate University in Hamilton, New York, a set of parents actually went to their daughter's classes on the first day of school, and then demanded changes to her schedule, according to Beverly Low, freshmen dean.

Some colleges are coping with helicopter parents by staging separate events for parents only. Morehouse College in Georgia has begun a formal "Parting Ceremony." Parents of freshmen at the University of Minnesota attend a reception while their children are meeting their new roommates and setting up dorm spaces without adults.

However, the strategy colleges most commonly use blunt language in the orientation materials designed for parents. Officials at Princeton University proclaim in their brochures that "subsequent orientation events are intended for students only as of 5:30 PM (on a specific day)."

Houston Dougharty, vice president of student affairs at Grinnell College, said that it is necessary to be explicit about the exact time parents must say goodbye. During a ceremony in the gymnasium, students sit on one side and parents sit on bleachers on the other side to create what he calls an "aha moment."

"A good deal of this has to do with the evolution of over-involvement in our students' lives," said Mr. Dougharty. "These are the baby-on-board parents, highly invested in their students' success. They do a lot of living vicariously and this is one manifestation of that."
 

Labels: helicopter_parenting, parental-involvement, college

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