News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

A concerned parent recently wrote in to an advice column about her teenage daughter's practice of hugging all of her friends. The parent didn't remember experiencing that level of physicality in high school, and wondered if the behavior is OK.

"I do not think that it is a problem as long as it is accompanies by a healthy respect for boundaries. In fact, hugging between friends is a generally pleasant and acceptable social behavior. Concerns about physical closeness arise when a young person does not have a good sense of their own boundaries."

Teaching boundaries starts at home, with giving and expecting respect for one's boundaries and privacy. Parents need to show as much respect as they want to receive - for example, they should knock before entering a child's bedroom, and should give their children privacy (within reason of course) when they ask for it. Physical boundaries are learned when parents don't force more affection on a child than that child is willing to receive. Source: Comox Valley Record (B.C., Canada)

Labels: social-skills, boundaries, friends

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A concerned parent recently wrote in to an advice column with a question about her teenage daughter, whose friends are all boys. "Is that OK?", the parent wanted to know.

"Knowing how to relate to the opposite sex will only serve her well as she matures. When she's working with a group on a project for school, she'll have experience managing herself with guys. When she lands a job, she'll have knowledge as to how to communicate with her male co-workers, bosses and subordinates."

As long as the friends are just friends (and aren't engaging in risky behavior), the daughter should be just fine, said a behavioral specialist,. The specialist suggested that the concerned parent should get to know the boys her daughter is spending time with by inviting them to spend time at her house or offering to give them rides to their activities. Source: The Seattle Times

Labels: sex, boundaries, friends

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Teenaged girls often choose dating partners from within their circle of friends, and this practice may prevent dating abuse, according to a study by Sharyl Toscano, professor of nursing at the University of Vermont.

Toscano interviewed 22 female high school students ages 15 to 18 years old from Massachusetts schools and found that dating patterns have several identifiable stages. Girls choose boyfriends from within a circle of friends. As a couple gets to know one another, their first few dates are with other couples within their clique. Then the two reenters the group as a couple. After a couple breaks up, the two rejoin the group as independent members.

"In the early stages of dating, the entire group (circle) will go out to the movies or some other activity together," Toscano said. "During such outings, teens develop essential skills of dating, including but not limited to warding off unwanted sexual advances."

When a teen is unsure of whether she is in an abusive relationship, she can ask for a "reality check" from the members of her group. In this way, she protects herself by understanding social rules and norms.

The Center for Disease Control estimates that one in eleven adolescents experiences physical dating abuse every year. Toscano's study appears in the journal BMC Nursing.

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Labels: dating, relationships, friends

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