News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Money is a great motivator. We work, vote, choose neighborhoods and sometimes schools based -- at least in part -- on our pursuit of the almighty dollar. But should it be used to as a reward for things like chores?

Amy Wang of The Oregonian's "Omamas" blog posed that question to a few parenting experts. Here are excerpts of the responses, which she posted March 5:

• Ann Brown, teacher at Marylhurst Early Childhood Center, parenting instructor and consultant: "The reason we do chores around the house is because the chores need to be done. Paying children for chores presumes a choice of sorts, and there will come a day when the child says, "You know what? Keep your stinkin' two dollars. I'd rather sleep in on Saturday." And then what can the parents say?"

• Howard Hiton, licensed professional counselor with a focus on children, teens and families: "It is potentially problematic to have chores and pay tied together. I don't want to sacrifice (children's) participation in the household in exchange for not getting paid. I want to avoid the (reply), "Fine, don't pay me. I still don't want to unload the dishwasher, or clean the toilet."

• Kathy Masarie, parent coach and former pediatrician: "You contribute to the household with chores because you are a part of the family and we need you. Having meaningful work contributes to a sense of "feeling worthy," a core value that helps us all manifest our full selves in the world with healthy self-regard and a sense that " I can make a difference."
  

Labels: parenting tips, finance, chores

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When Beth Harpazs son told her he was spending Black Friday at the mall, she launched into a lecture about materialism and the "consumer mentality." Harpaz, a writer with the Associated Press, reflected on her son's choice -- and her response -- in a Dec. 7 article:

How did my kid get caught up in this mentality? Sure, once in a while, we do a big shopping trip, but generally there is a reason -- a special occasion, start of school, kids outgrew something, clothes look worn or dated. I set a budget, use coupons and make both my teenage son and his younger brother earn and spend their own money on things I object to paying for.

Yet somehow I ended up with a mall rat on Black Friday.

Confused about whether my reaction was appropriate, I asked Jennifer Leigh, an adviser for mothers and teenage girls, for her thoughts. Leigh has a Web site, ParentingTeenGirls.com, and is the author of several books for parents and teenagers, including "True Listening" and "The Secrets Guys Wish You Knew About Love."

"You stated your piece, stated your mind, and then you let him go," she said. "I think that was a good approach. When parents try and force their own ideals down their children's throats, their children end up choking on their parents' dogma."

Labels: finance, parental influence, communication, money

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For many of us, the phrase “Money doesn’t grow on trees” was the only financial education we got from our parents. We weren’t taught how to live within our means, balance a checkbook, create a budget or save money. Parenting author Stacy DeBroff hopes we’ll do better by our kids.

“’There’s this immediate gratification: “I really, really want this great pair of jeans,” not “I can’t afford this pair of jeans,”’ she explains. This disconnect from the need to budget sets teens up for a shock when they leave home. Suddenly they face the harsh reality of paying bills for rent, food and often tuition at a post-secondary school.” [Source: Canwest News Service (Canada)]

To make it worse, college is often where kids get their first credit cards, making it easier for them satisfy those instant gratification urges, and saddling them with debt that could take them years to pay off.

Some parents may rely on school to educate their kids, but financial responsibility isn’t taught in most schools. Instead, parents need to take an active role, making sure their kids are prepared for the real world – where nearly everything has a price tag.

 

Labels: finance, parental influence, money

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