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"I'm not talking about momentary parental lapses here. If you are going through a struggle with your teenager right now, I guarantee there will be moments when you will not handle matters well. Even the best parent may 'lose it' every now and then. Instead, I'm referring to a parent who has an ongoing problem losing it... of punishing and demeaning a child with destructive or negative words, who may or may not recognize it..."Teenagers who are continually berated by parents often end up angry and bitter, and they show little or no respect for their parents. Parents must be aware of how they're communicating with their kids, making sure that - even when they're angry - they're not being cruel or unfair. Source: KBIQ Radio
Labels: aggression, fighting, parenting
posted by ByParents-forParents at 9:01 PM
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"A conflict a day is about the right amount of rowing necessary to stay in close touch with the way your adolescent is developing," said Dr. Tabitha Holmes, assistant professor at State University of New York and a specialist in adolescent development.Dr. Holmes found that teens reacted differently to fighting than their parents. She believes that a daily fight actually helps teenagers learn to express their own viewpoints and defend themselves. Teens that are too complacent are often in more trouble than their more contentious peers.
"Whereas parents talked about how upsetting and destructive arguing with their child was, the adolescents were able to see how locking horns helped them to understand their parents' points of view more clearly," she said. "They were also very aware that a good row forced them to think through, articulate and defend their opinions and desires."Professor Richard Tremblay, director of the Aggression Research Group, said, "Children who learn to play roughly are actually learning boundaries, empathy and, when they go too far, reconciliation skills. Having fiery arguments with their parents is simply play fighting with words. It is this sort of life lesson that draws parents and children together." The Holmes study appears in the journal Personal Relationships.
Labels: arguments, fighting, relationships
posted by ByParents-forParents at 9:59 AM
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