News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Spanking children may cause them to have lower IQs, according to two new studies from the University of New Hampshire and the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation.

• The first study found that national average IQ scores were lower in countries where parents commonly spank their children.
• The second study, which involved more than 1,500 American children, found that spanking had a negative impact on intelligence regardless of factors such as the level of parental education and income.
  
• Children ages two to four who were spanked had IQs five points lower than those the same age who were not spanked.
  
• Among the older children the difference was 2.8 points.
  

Previous studies have linked spanking to aggression, antisocial behavior, and poor mental health issues in children.

The two studies were presented at the International Conference on Violence, Abuse and Trauma.

Labels: research, corporal punishment, spanking, discipline

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If you've ever expressed concern about something you've seen, heard about or experienced, only to have your concerns dismissed as being "no big deal," then you're familiar with "discounting." Discounting is something we all tend to do when faced with an issue or situation that makes us uncomfortable.

But as Amy Johnson, MSW, advises in her column in the Aug. 12 edition of the Federal Way (Wash.) Mirror when it comes to raising healthy children, discounting can be decidedly dangerous:

Any level of discounting allows us to keep from moving toward solving the problem. We might feel relief that we're not alone from a discussion with these responses, but the problem remains unsolved. In order to move forward, we need to take the next step to empowerment.

Parents may be tempted to discount a childs behavior, or problems a teenager says he's having in school. Though the intent is not to harm, discounting a teen's concerns or struggles can leave him feeling marginalized or hopeless.

Johnson advises parents to determine what is negotiable (for example, a curfew) and what is not (such as teen substance abuse or sexual behavior). Once these parameters have been established, parents need to stick to their beliefs and not discount behaviors that run counter to the rules and boundaries they've established.

Labels: parenting, discipline, discounting

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Solomon Jones has the answer for parents who feel they've tried every trick and disciplinary measure in the book. When all else fails: embarrass your kids.

"Having learned through experience that no teen wants her friends to think her parents are just plain crazy, I've decided to treat Adrianne to a PowerPoint presentation. It will depict all the insane things I'll do in front of her friends if she ever crosses me."

Mr. Jones is being a bit facetious, of course. But there is some truth to the fact that teens are easily embarrassed by their parents - a fact that can be used to parents' advantage. Source: Philadelphia Daily News

Labels: parenting_tips, technology, discipline

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An out-of-control teen can be a parent's worst nightmare. A parent will try anything he or she can think of to reel the teenager back in: grounding, taking away privileges, yelling, even calling the police. But often, these negative approaches don't help.

"[Mark] Hutton and many other therapists and psychologists argue for a more positive approach than threats and punishments. A key to this approach is learning new ways to communicate with teenagers."

Hutton suggests finding positive ways to communicate. For example, instead of saying "Don't yell at me," try saying "I need you to talk to me in a calmer tone of voice." Though adjustments in communication can be hard, they'll go a long way toward helping teens develop socially and emotionally. Source: WMUR.com.

Labels: parenting_styles, communication, discipline

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When kids misbehave, regardless of their age, parents often push for an apology. Kids are made to say "I'm sorry" to their siblings, parents, fellow students and others. But Jane Nelsen, author of the parenting book Positive Discipline, has a different idea.

"'I don't think you should force anyone to apologize at any age,' she [says]... 'That's teaching kids to lie. If they're not sorry and we make them say sorry, just to make us feel good, that's not about empathy.' Nelsen is all for seeking forgiveness. She just thinks the idea needs to come from the kids themselves."

Her suggestion is that the parent talks to her child about his behavior, how it might make the other person feel, and what he could do to make that person feel better. Read more at Slate.com.

Are you dealing with a brat? Turn-About Ranch, a program for troubled teens, was featured in several of the UK series Brat Camp. Visit TurnAboutRanch.com to learn more.

Labels: discipline, apologies, forgiveness

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Are the rules that were developed by American spies in the 1950s applicable to parenting? Gregory Ramey PhD, thinks so. At a recent visit to the International Spy Museum in Washington, D.C., he found himself thinking that parents would do well to follow the "Moscow Rules".

"'Pick the time and place for action.'... With teens, discipline judiciously. When you make everything important, nothing is important to your teen. Chose your issues carefully, and avoid nagging and sarcastic remarks. When you need to deal with an important issue, don't impulsively react at a time of anger. Select a time when both you and your teen can talk, listen, and try to understand each other."

Other rules include "keep your options open" and the ever-important "you're never completely alone". Though this last rule was considered a bad thing for spies, it's a great thing for parents.

Bromley Brook is a boarding high school for girls in New England. Visit bromleybrook.com for more information.

Labels: parenting_tips, discipline, rules

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Many parents struggle with setting rules and sticking to them. Teenagers are excellent at pressuring parents to ease up on things like curfew and even punishments. But parents need to remember that they have a responsibility to help their kids navigate the troublesome teenage years - and rules are part of that navigation.

"...all kids know they need guidance from their parents. In fact, they want it. They're probably not going to admit that. To do so would be too much of a concession, too big of a blow to their youthful egos. They like the reassurance that comes with knowing there's somebody who cares for and looks after them.'

If you've set rules that you know are fair  stick to them. Be prepared for the pressure your teen will exert and the anger he may feel. Know that in the long run, you're doing what's right and what's best for your child.

Aspen Ranch, a therapeutic boarding school, also offers equine therapy. Learn more at AspenRanch.com.

Labels: responsibility, discipline, rules

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In a neighborhood full of young people, one house usually ends up being the “hot spot” where everyone hangs out. If that’s your house, you may find yourself in the unique position of having to discipline other people’s children.

Judy Arnall, Calgary-based author of Discipline Without Distress, says this one’s not in the parenting books: "Most advice focuses on parenting your children, not parenting other people’s children."

Experts say the key is consistency … [establish] a united front, communicate and decide on rules beforehand.” [Source: The Globe and Mail]

If the neighborhood kids are coming to your house a lot, invite parents over for a visit and set some rules and boundaries everyone can agree to. That way, other parents have a better idea what’s happening at your house, and won’t be shocked if you have to discipline their child.

 

Labels: parenting tips, communication, discipline

Posted By: Stefanie Hamilton 0 Comments

A study of 2,000 families with three-year-olds found that two-thirds of the parents had spanked their toddlers during the previous month. If parents were violent or if one parent was aggressive, the likelihood of their child's being spanked doubled.

In this study from Tulane University School of Public Health, "aggression" was defined as behaviors such as preventing someone from seeing friends or family, withholding or taking money, or insulting or criticizing one's spouse. Victims of aggression were most likely to be the parent that spanked children.

• The families in this study were 37% African-American, 30% Hispanic, and 28% white.
• All the families in the study lived in large cities.
• About 27% of the mothers had no high school diploma, 27% had graduated from high schools, 27% had some college, and 19% were college graduates.

"The purpose of this study was to understand patterns of common aggression and violence in families, and parents' use of spanking with three-year-olds," said lead author Professor Catherine Taylor. "Parents that find themselves in relationships where there is aggressive or controlling behavior, even if it is a minor, may want to seek counseling for themselves and for the good of their children."

Dr. Lori Evans, a professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at the Child Study Center at New York University Medical Center, said it did not surprise her that parents who are violent toward one another are more willing to spank their children.

"But what is really surprising," she said, "is that something we know is not effective with kids is still so accepted and used."

The study appears in the journal Pediatrics.

Labels: violence, corporal punishment, spanking, discipline

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