News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

A frustrated teen wrote to Dear Abby in search of advice on how to deal with her mother, who monitors her actions so closely that she won't even let her daughter close her bedroom door. Mom has no reason to mistrust her daughter, the girl wrote, noting that she is in the top two percent of her class in school and is heavily involved in extracurricular activities.

Abby sided with the teenager:

"While I'm all for conscientious parenting, it appears your mom has gone over the top.. Is your father in the picture? If so, talk to him about the situation."

Abby suggested that the teenager also talk to a female relative or the mother of a close friend, and ask them to talk to her mom as well. The mom, Abby wrote, needs to realize that exerting too much control may simply drives her child away. Source: Fox23.com

Labels: parents, independence, control

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Kim's teenage daughter had ridden her favorite horse thousands of times. She'd gone to the barn, saddled the horse, and taken it to the riding ring thousands of times. But this one time, a new horse in the barn attacked her daughter's horse, and her daughter had to scramble for safety.

"I asked her if the worst part was being scared she would be kicked or not being able to help her horse. She didn't hesitate, telling me the helpless feeling as she watched her horse get hurt was the worst. Welcome to parenthood. Every parent can relate to that pit in the stomach when something happens to our children and we can't fix it."

Kim reminded her daughter that she did the right thing by getting out of the way. Then she gave some advice that she knew she needed to follow as well: You can't second-guess your actions, you can only learn from them. Parents can't prevent every bad thing that happens to their kids, but they can learn from the situation - and help their kids learn as well. Source: Haven (NC) News

Labels: safety, independence, control

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Are you responsible for your teenage child? Most parents are inclined to say "yes", but Tim Chapman - Executive Director of a residential treatment center, says the more accurate response is "No. You're responsible to them."

"By the time children enter adolescence, parents' role is to encourage, influence and monitor. At this stage in your adolescent's life, your influence is more effective than your ability to control. The sooner parents recognize this, the sooner they may more positively influence their teen."

The line between influence and control is fuzzy. Think of it this way: a controlling parent will 'supervise' a teen as he's finishing his homework, an influencing parent will be available to help but let the teen either finish on his own or deal with the consequences if he doesn't. Though it's hard to let kids experience negative consequences for their actions, it's sometimes an effective learning tool.

Read more at OCRegister.com.

Labels: influences, consequences, control

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