News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

There are dishes to wash, clothes to clean, shelves to dust, toys to put away and meals to prepare. Daily life requires work. And though many therapeutic programs for struggling teens emphasize the value of hard work and personal responsibility, for the last few decades many parents have completed most household chores without much help from their children.

But that trend may changing, as Boston Globe correspondent Taryn Plumb reported in a Feb. 14 article:

"There are things that need to be done to maintain a household," said Framingham mother Kristin Romine, whose two children perform a regular rotation of chores. "They're part of a family. It's their responsibility to help out."

More parents have been reasserting this position as the 21st century unfolds, according to Markella B. Rutherford, an assistant professor of sociology at Wellesley College who explored children’s changing levels of autonomy in a research project.

Backing her up are dozens of websites and research papers espousing the values of daily chores; Littleton blogger Susan Tordella also advocates for them in her soon-to-be-released book, "Raising Able: How Childhood Chores Develop Good Decision-Making."

Labels: chores, families, working, responsibility

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Allowing your teenager to drink alcohol with you may actually backfire as an approach to teaching responsible drinking, according to a study in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs.

• Dr. Haske van der Vorst studied 428 Dutch families.
• He found that the more teenagers were drinking at home with the parents, the more they drank outside of the home.
• The study also found that teens who drink with their parents or on their own increase their risk for developing alcoholism.

"The thinking is that if parents show good behavior -- in this case, modest drinking-- the child will copy it. Another assumption is that parents can control their child's drinking by drinking with the child," said Dr. van der Vorst. However, he said, the results of his new study and several previous ones indicate that the opposite is true.

Dr. van der Vorst advice to parents is that they should try to postpone the age at which their children start drinking.

Labels: parenting tips, alcohol

Posted By: Jane St. Clair 0 Comments

Divorce is hard on both parents and kids. All parties struggle with unmet expectations, feelings of disappointment or abandonment, anger, and mistrust. Some of those feelings can be magnified in kids when divorced parents start dating.

Writer Amy Wang addressed this issue on the website of The Oregonian:

What’s the best way for a recently divorced or separated parent to juggle kids and a new relationship? We asked Angie Blackwell, a certified Stepfamily Foundation coach in McMinnville, for her advice.

While you should be open and honest with your kids about your dating, it’s not necessary to involve the children in your dating life, Blackwell said. For instance, kids shouldn’t even meet first or second dates.

“You don’t really want the kids bonding with someone new unless you know that person’s going to be around for a while,” Blackwell said. It’s fine to talk about people you’ve met, but she advises against bringing them home right away.

Once a relationship does take off, Blackwell advises that parents continue to keep partner and kids separate for a while. “It’s a matter of slowly adding together your new interest and your children,” she said.

Labels: parenting tips, divorce, dating

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Teenage boys are increasingly using spa services and tanning salons, and opting for tattoos, hair dyes, and body piercing, according to a new study from Baylor University.

• Dr. John Yoo surveyed 150 boys, average age 14.3 years old, and found that they are under pressure from peers to improve their appearances through such procedures.
• Although a majority understand that dyeing hair or using diet pills, tanning booths, and other treatments were not necessarily safe for your health, more boys are deciding to go ahead and use them.
• For example, although almost 75 percent of the boys in the survey believe tanning booths are unsafe, nevertheless, 9.4 percent use them.
• The number of teenage boys receiving spa treatments such as hair removal has doubled since the early 1990s, Dr. Yoo said.

"I studied what kids are teased about," Dr. Yoo said. "If anyone looks different, people tease you. Probably boys who have acne would become really self-conscious. There are cultural differences, but smooth skin is highly desired, and that may translate into other parts of the body."

This research appeared in the journal Adolescence.

Labels: teenagers, boys, appearance

Posted By: Jane St. Clair 0 Comments

Adolescence can be a tricky time for both the children and parents. Mood and overall disposition often changes during adolescence, making conversation more difficult. What can parents do to break through to a teenage brain and keep lines of communication open?

"Talk while you're doing something - like driving in the car - instead of sitting down for a 'serious' lecture. Talk openly and listen calmly, even if you don't like what your teen is saying. Don't be instantly judgmental... Realize that even when teens act like they aren't listening, they probably are."

Also, acknowledge your teen's point of view, even if you don't agree with it. Make sure you're listening and not just talking. The more you listen, the more you'll learn about your child and the adult he is becoming. Source: Charlotte Observer

Labels: communication, listening, lecturing

Posted By: Stefanie Hamilton 1 Comment