News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Teenagers dream of the day when they gain real freedom and independence -- and for many, that day arrives some time after their 16th birthday, when they receive their first driver's license.

Receiving a driver's license is an understandably exciting rite of passage for many teenagers -- and an angst-inducing event for a number of parents. But even before their kids are allowed behind the wheel, parents can help increase the odds that they will be safe drivers:

• Model good driving behavior. Follow all rules of the road, obey all speed limits, and use your signals when turning or changing lanes.


• Don't be a "road rager." Stay calm even in stressful situations.


• Never drive while under the influence of alcohol or any other drugs.


• Don't use your cell phone, send text messages, eat, or engage in any other distracting behaviors while driving. When you're in the driver's seat, focus on one activity: driving.

By demonstrating the behaviors you want to see in your children, you go a long way toward keeping them as safe as possible during the times that you're not able to observe and protect them yourself.

Labels: driving, parental influence, teens

A study conducted through the Katholieke Universiteit Leuven in Belgium has found that certain types of control, when used on children, increase the likelihood of relational aggression in the child:

Parents were asked to assess their own and their partner’s level of physical punishment and psychological controlling behavior – questions such as "If my child hurts my feelings I don’t speak to him/her until s/he pleases me again."

Each child's physically and relationally aggressive behavior was then assessed by parents, school teachers and class mates. It was found that the parent’s use of physical punishment was significantly linked to the children's level of physical aggression both at home and at school. (Source: Medical News Today)

Psychological control was similarly linked but limited to behavior at home. The physical and psychological controls studied included silent treatment, social exclusion, excessive criticism, and emotional manipulation.

Labels: aggression, parenting

No matter how close you are with your kids, something happens when they become teenagers. They develop a sudden, albeit temporary (hopefully) allergy to parents. Teens and parents can often go for days without anything more than functional conversation about chores and homework.

In his Aug. 25 parenting column in the British paper The Globe and Mail, Anthony E. Wolf advises parents to "try a little tenderness" in order to soften teens' resistance to conversation.

"It is a really good idea, on a regular basis, to make sure you say affectionate things to your teenager. Every day. More than once a day," Wolf wrote. "This is not a minor suggestion. This definitely is one of those deals where a little can go a long way."

If you walk into the living room searching for a pen, and your teen is engrossed in video games, say "I love you" before you leave the room, Wolf advises. Or tell your son you’re proud of him as you drop him off at school.

Your children may not respond to your kind words, but odds are they'll appreciate hearing what you say.

Labels: communication, parental-involvement

Symantec’s OnlineFamily.Norton (a family-friendly web monitoring service) has revealed that "sex" and "porn" are among the most common online search terms by young people.

The search top ten, which was determined by an evaluation of about 3.5 million searches that were conducted between February 2008 and July 2009, contains the following terms:

1. YouTube
2. Google
3. Facebook
4. Sex
5. MySpace
6. Porn
7. Yahoo
8. Michael Jackson
9. Fred (YouTube star Fred Figglehorn)
10. eBay

In a statement that was reported in an Aug. 12 BBC News article about the search findings, Symantec's Internet safety advocate, Marian Merritt, said that the web monitoring service and the search results "[help] identify 'teachable moments' when parents should be talking with their kids about appropriate online behavior and other issues in their kids' online lives."

Labels: internet, online_safety

According to a recent survey conducted by Common Sense Media, 51 percent of teenagers check social networking sites more than once a day. The same survey found that only 23 percent of parents believed their kids checked more than once a day.

James, Styer CEO of Common Sense Media, said that these statistics indicate that many parents aren't doing a good enough job of monitoring their children's behavior:

Styer said ... that he thinks parents and teachers have to go on Facebook and MySpace to understand what [online social networking sites] are. "You've got to check your kids' history online. You've got to check their cell phone accounts and see how many text messages they can do. You've got to talk with them about the messages and images they post." (Source: The Tennessean)

Styer noted that social networking sites are not inherently bad, but emphasized the need for parental oversight to help ensure that children are not being exploited online or engaging in dangerous online behavior.

Labels: internet, online_safety, social-networking

For generations, the sleepover has been considered a rite of passage, connecting childhood to adolescence to adulthood. But according to an Aug. 14 Associated Press article by Kelli Kennedy, a new style of parenting is changing all of that:

"In the old days, it used to be that you would build up to a sleepover and you knew everything about that family," says Stacy DeBroff, a Boston mother of two and author of four parenting books, including The Mom Book!.

"But now a more vigilant kind of hyper-concerned parent says unknown dangers may lurk," [Debroff said.] I don't know every variable ... and so I'm going to hover and basically swoop in and take you out." ...

Some parents who allow sleepovers at select homes say they talk with host parents about what food their child can eat, what they may watch on TV and even specify what time their child should be in bed.

As more stories emerge about parties, Internet predators and lack of adult supervision, an increasing number of parents are cutting short the sleepovers. Some parents feel there's no other way to protect their kids, while others consider this over-protectiveness to be more problematic than the risks these parent claim to be shielding their children from.

Labels: helicopter_parenting, sleepovers, tweens

Parents underestimate how much time their teenagers spend on social network websites. They also underestimate how often their teens engage in risky behaviors, such as bullying and posting semi-nude photos of themselves.

Researchers from Common Sense Media surveyed 1,013 teenagers and 1,002 parents. Highlights of the study's findings include the following:

• Twenty-eight percent of the teenagers said they had post personal information on their websites, but only 16 percent of parents believe their children did that.
• Some 37 percent of teenagers said they make fun of other students online, but only 18 percent of parents believe their children did that.
• 
  As for naked or semi naked pictures and videos, 13 percent of teenagers said they had posted them; however, only two percent of parents thought their teens had done that.

A spokesperson for Common Sense Media advised parents to remind teenagers that everything they post can be seen by a vast audience, and that postings online may last forever.

Labels: cyberbulling, internet, online_safety, sexting

In both the United States and Canada, parents, teachers and school administrators have expressed concerns about the prevalence of cell phones in classrooms. Many school administrators have heard from upset parents whose kids are being distracted at best, and bullied at worst, via text messages -- and many teachers worry about the ability of cell phones to augment efforts to cheat on exams and other in-class projects.

In an article in the British Columbia publication Maple Ridge News writer and educator Graham Hookey argues that cell phone rules at school won't help unless they're also enforced at home:

Even while an attempt is made to limit communication during classes, there are few limits outside of class. Studies are showing that many teens are suffering from sleep deprivation, anxiety and in some cases depression caused by incessant computer and cell phone activity. ...

I realize I come across as some kind of Luddite when I say things like this, but whenever a parent comes to me with a sheaf of paper full of poor behaviour, I often ask if they have considered taking away their child’s phone or computer. The response is almost universally the same, "Why would we punish our child for things others are doing to them?"

"Educators do not have a lot of tools, or even much authority to govern the activity of students outside of the school day," Hookey wrote. "The best we can do is educate students in appropriate behaviour and educate parents to monitor communication behavior and, if necessary, take away the options at home."

Labels: cell phones, computers, school, technology

If you've ever expressed concern about something you've seen, heard about or experienced, only to have your concerns dismissed as being "no big deal," then you're familiar with "discounting." Discounting is something we all tend to do when faced with an issue or situation that makes us uncomfortable.

But as Amy Johnson, MSW, advises in her column in the Aug. 12 edition of the Federal Way (Wash.) Mirror when it comes to raising healthy children, discounting can be decidedly dangerous:

Any level of discounting allows us to keep from moving toward solving the problem. We might feel relief that we're not alone from a discussion with these responses, but the problem remains unsolved. In order to move forward, we need to take the next step to empowerment.

Parents may be tempted to discount a child’s behavior, or problems a teenager says he's having in school. Though the intent is not to harm, discounting a teen's concerns or struggles can leave him feeling marginalized or hopeless.

Johnson advises parents to determine what is negotiable (for example, a curfew) and what is not (such as teen substance abuse or sexual behavior). Once these parameters have been established, parents need to stick to their beliefs and not discount behaviors that run counter to the rules and boundaries they've established.

Labels: discipline, discounting, parenting

Children with asthma are twice as likely to develop depression as are non-asthmatic kids, according to a new study from the University of Buffalo. The Buffalo researchers also discovered that children with asthma and depression may respond differently to emotional stimuli, and this, in turn, may worsen their asthma symptoms.

Dr. Bruce Miller and Dr. Beatrice Wood studied 90 asthmatic children ages seven to 17 years old. Half the group also suffered from depression. The children were monitored as they watched scary, sad, and happy scenes from movies.

"Children with asthma and depression symptoms showed a preponderance of parasympathetic over sympathetic nervous system reactivity," Dr. Miller said. "This imbalance could explain the increased airway resistance that we found in depressed asthmatic children in our study."

This study appeared in the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology.

Labels: asthma, depression, health risks

Having (or even thinking about) "the talk" can be as uncomfortable for parents as it is for teenagers. But being comfortable isn’t the purpose behind talking to your kids about sex.

Many parents would like to keep the talk short – maybe even as short as one word "don’t." But as uncomfortable as they may be, details are important:

It’s not about whether they should have sex. It’s about entering, with eyes wide open, that stage of life where sexual activity becomes a real possibility. It is about allowing [teenagers] to be more thoughtful, hence more in control of their own sex life. -- Source: The Globe and Mail (UK)

Be honest with your child about the realities of sex:

• Having sex doesn’t seal a relationship
• Sexual intimacy can powerfully affect people's emotions;
• Just because it's intimate doesn't mean it will be private – especially in the age of Facebook, Twitter and text messages.

Give your teenager time to ask questions as well. Having a real and ongoing dialogue is the best way to ensure your child is aware of all important issues related to sexual activity.

Labels: communication, parenting_tips, sex

"Sexting" is the word used to describe the sending or receiving of sexually explicit messages or pictures via cell phone. The practice is increasing in popularity among teenagers, which has many parents worried about their kids' safety and reputation.

According to an article on the website of Albequerque's KAOT News Channel 7, parents may be able to use a new technological tool to monitor their children's cell phone use:

New software is being marketed to parents, giving them a controversial new tool. It’s called My Mobile Watchdog. For $10 a month, parents can receive a copy of every text, picture, and video message their child sends and receives.

My Mobile Watchdog claims it is not spyware, as it sends an alert to the cell phone user, informing her that a copies of her messages will be shared with a third party. Still, some parents -- concerned about invading their children's privacy -- prefer to build a trusting relationship that encourages their kids to be honest about who and what they're texting.

Labels: cell phones, sexting, technology, text messaging