News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Do you and your teenager fight every day? These conflicts might strengthen parent-adolescent relationships.

"A conflict a day is about the right amount of rowing necessary to stay in close touch with the way your adolescent is developing," said Dr. Tabitha Holmes, assistant professor at State University of New York and a specialist in adolescent development.

Dr. Holmes found that teens reacted differently to fighting than their parents. She believes that a daily fight actually helps teenagers learn to express their own viewpoints and defend themselves. Teens that are too complacent are often in more trouble than their more contentious peers.

"Whereas parents talked about how upsetting and destructive arguing with their child was, the adolescents were able to see how locking horns helped them to understand their parents' points of view more clearly," she said. "They were also very aware that a good row forced them to think through, articulate and defend their opinions and desires."

Professor Richard Tremblay, director of the Aggression Research Group, said, "Children who learn to play roughly are actually learning boundaries, empathy and, when they go too far, reconciliation skills. Having fiery arguments with their parents is simply play fighting with words. It is this sort of life lesson that draws parents and children together." The Holmes study appears in the journal Personal Relationships.

Labels: arguments, fighting, relationships

The current generation of young people is very tech savvy. Most of them have cell phones and computers. And some are using technology to send and receive explicit images of themselves and others.

"Taking the photos could lead to felony manufacturing child pornography charges, sending the photos could lead to distributing child pornography charges, and having the photos on a phone or computer could lead to possession of child pornography charges."

Even if charges aren't filed, few teens realize the potential implications of having explicit photos of themselves online; photos that can come back to haunt them later in life. Read more at NaplesNews.com.

Worried your teen is spending too much time on their computer or playing video games? Learn about Internet Addiction at VideoGameAddiction.org.

Labels: cell_phones, consequences, responsibility

Although most colleges ban hazing, more than half of students told researchers that it is still going on - and not just in fraternities and sororities, but also in glee clubs and other organizations. Students also reported widespread college binge drinking games and "drinking until we pass out."

Researchers from the University of Main's College of Education and Development looked at answers given by more than 11,480 students enrolled in 53 colleges. Over 30% of the men and 23% of the women said they participate in drinking games; 17% of the men and 9% of the women said they drank to the point of passing out or getting sick.

Hazing was prevalent on athletic teams (74% reporting), Greek organizations (73%), performing arts (56%), and even honor societies (20%).

Professors Mary Madden and Elizabeth Allan presented this study at the National Association of Student Personnel Administrators meeting on March 11.

Labels: binge_drinking, college, hazing

A popular herb that teens use recreationally to achieve altered states of consciousness may soon be illegal. Legislators in eight states have already passed laws against the sale of Salvia divinorum, and another 16 states have legislation pending.

"Parents are pretty clueless," said Jonathan Appell, an assistant professor of psychology and criminal justice at Tiffin University and an expert on the herb. "Salvia is much more powerful than marijuana."

It is also readily available on the Internet at relatively cheap prices. An ounce sells for around $30, and you can buy it in flavors like strawberry and spearmint. Salvia is usually smoked, but some teens drink it as a tea or chew it. It reportedly provides users with out-of-body experiences or a sense of merging with objects. The herb's effects vary according to the person: Some people experience no effect whatsoever, some experience effects lasting under five minutes, and still others have full-blown hallucinogenic experiences lasting up to an hour.

Many people expect demand for Salvia to increase before it becomes illegal. In some states, possession of Salvia will be a felony punishable by five years in prison.

Learn more about Salvia divinorum from this informative article: Teens Discover Cheap New Hallucinogenic Drug.

Labels: drugs, laws, substance_abuse

Parenting is a full-time job, at least for the first 17 or 18 years. But by that age, children begin morphing into adults and the best thing a parent can do is - less.

"I still try my 'Not a good idea,' or 'Work harder at this,' but my guidance lacks its former authority. My voice is a distant bell. She hears it, but she may ignore its call."

A child's transition to young adulthood can be as hard for the parent as it is for the child. Responsibilities decrease and worry almost inevitably increases. Still, as teens move toward adulthood, the role of the parent becomes one of "consultant," and letting go becomes a necessity. Read more at NorthFulton.com.

If your child is transitioning into adulthood and dealing with recovery from substance abuse, then NorthStar Center can help. NorthStar's addiction recovery programs for young adults combine a sober living environment, therapy, and academics.

Labels: independence, influences, role_models

Teens who are involved in "romantic" dating relationships are more likely to use birth control with their partners, according to scientists at Child Trends.

Dr. Jennifer Manlove and her colleagues collected data from 4,500 sexually experienced students, ages 12 to 17 years. Four out of 10 did not use birth control or used it infrequently, especially if they had multiple partners. Girls involved with older boys or men were also more likely to have unprotected sex. However, if a teen was in a self-described "romantic" relationship, he or she was likely to use contraception. This study appeared in the journal Demographics.

Worried your daughter is engaging in unprotected sex or other risky behaviors? An all girls school that offers therapy may help. Learn more at BoardingSchoolsForGirls.com.

Labels: birth_control, risky_behavior, sex

As kids grow up, they aren't the only ones who mature. Parents go through their own maturation process, adjusting to inevitable changes.

"Many of your family's practices change, just because your children won't always be around for them. Accepting these changes as gracefully as possible is part of your maturation as a parent. Family dinners were our first casualty... I've learned to plan plenty for dinner, and then enjoy leftovers for lunch the next day if everyone isn't here."

Boyfriends, girlfriends, sport teams and activities begin interfering with family time and routine as kids move into adolescence. Though it can be hard, parents need to pull back, readjust their expectations, and let kids start spreading their wings. Read more at ParentingIdeas.org.

Labels: families, maturity, relationships

Over the past several years, researcher Dr. Nancy Darling and her team have conducted a study about kids and lying. The goal of the study is to determine how prevalent lying is among kids, and how they learn to lie.

"The most disturbing reason children lie is that parents teach them to... Encouraged to tell so many white lies and hearing so many others, children gradually get comfortable with being disingenuous. Insincerity becomes, literally, a daily occurrence. They learn that honesty only creates conflict, and dishonesty is an easy way to avoid conflict."

Unfortunately, as kids grow older, the lying and distance from their parents often increase. Interestingly, the study found that teens whose parents were permissive and didn't enforce rules were more likely to hide things than teens whose parents consistently enforced them. Read more at NYMag.com.

If your child is lying to you and disrespecting you in other ways, a place that teaches old-fashioned values could help. Turn-About Ranch is working ranch that differs from other residential treatment centers for troubled teens because it values action not just talk. Turn-About emphasizes traditional ethics and morals and the values of honesty, respect, teamwork, and accountability are to their success.

Labels: dishonesty, disrespect, lying

Recently on the WE channel, the first episode of "High School Confidential" aired. The eight-part documentary follows the lives of 12 teenage girls through all four years of high school.

"The girls of Northwest High are an affluent bunch, though not absurdly rich in a 'Gossip Girl' way. They live in a comfortable suburb and deal with the staples of American teenage life: cheerleading squads and soccer teams, homecoming courts and detention halls, temptations in the form of alcohol and sex. They declare firm ideas about school, family and relationships. They change their minds a lot. And they make their fair share of mistakes."

The series is realistic, but not scary. It's not intended to be alarmist, but rather to take an honest look inside the lives of teenagers. Read more at Boston.com.

Thinking about a private high school or boarding school? Find the best private school for your teen at BoardingSchoolsInfo.com.

Labels: media_infuences, reality, tv

Parents of teenagers rarely feel heroic. And most of the time, kids' attitudes towards parents and rules enhances a parent's non-heroic feelings. But parenting teens is tough, deserves some recognition, and will benefit kids in the long run.

"Yes, you will get the 'eye roll'; yes, you will get the 'I don't believe you are actually doing this to me'; yes, your teen might be upset. But, in a private moment years hence, when reflecting on his or her teenage years, your child might say, 'Well, yes, my parents embarrassed me at the time, but I certainly knew they cared about my well-being. My friends' parents didn't check up on them; they thought I was the lucky one.'"

Though boundaries can be hard to set (and even harder to defend); though your insistence that they 'check in' might cause tension, you're letting your kids know that you care and you're helping them grow into the adults they're meant to become. Read more at JewishJournal.com

Old fashioned values are the core part of Turn-About Ranch's programs for troubled teens. Through equine assisted therapy, traditional therapy, and hard work, troubled teens work through their issues to turn around their lives. Visit www.turnaboutranch.com to learn more.

Labels: parents, respect, role_models

In the PBS special presentation "Growing Up Online", viewers get a look inside the very private online worlds that kids are able to create for themselves these days. It's a growing trend that leaves parents struggling to keep up with their children's lives.

"As more and more kids begin to grow up online, parents are finding themselves on the outside looking in, struggling to remain relevant and engaged in their kids' lives. 'I remember being 11; I remember being 13; I remember being 16, and I remember having secrets,' one mother says. 'But it's really hard when it's on the other side.'"

Danah Boyd, a fellow at the Berkman Center for Internet and Society at Harvard Law School reminds parents that things like MySpace and Facebook can't just be turned off. Parents have to learn how to live in a society where these things exist, and teach their kids how to live in it as well. Read more at IndianaLawBlog.com.

Worried that your child is struggling with internet addiction? Visit Video-Game-Addiction.org for signs of computer addiction and what you can do to help your child.

Labels: internet, involment, online_safety

Jennifer Cole is so busy trying to keep up with her five boys that she admits she doesn't have much time to worry about what they're watching on TV. She feels that the time she spends talking with them about real life verses television life is enough to keep TV's influence to a minimum. Some experts agree.

"While [Elizabeth] Berger, a child psychologist, believes that TV violence and sexuality are not constructive for children, she said there is too much of a tendency to blame TV rather than adult society. When children aren't spoken to about violence, she said, it could present a problem."

Dr. Don Shifrin, co-chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics Communications Council agrees, saying it's important for parents to talk to their kids about the things they watch on television because most TV violence is "sanitized." Read more at KCRA.com.

Labels: communication, involment, tv

Few teens are completely honest with their parents, though most parents think their teens tell them everything. In reality, few teenagers feel comfortable being upfront with their parents about issues like sex or alcohol.

"Alcohol, drugs, sex - all have huge negative consequences and cannot be condoned. But since most teens are experimenting with one or more of these things, parents who form an open, loving dialogue with their teen, while setting clear boundaries, have the best chance of being a positive influence."

It's up to parents to establish an open dialogue with their kids and help them talk about and handle subjects that can be both intense and awkward. An open dialogue won't ensure that your kid doesn't make any mistakes, but it increases your chances of being called upon to help when mistakes are made. Read more at AuburnJournal.com.

A good private boarding school can offer smaller classes which will better prepare your child for college. The Academy at Swift River is a private boarding school that offers teens a balanced program of accredited academics and extra-curricular activities.

Labels: communication, influences, involment

Many of today's teenagers do not know basic dates and fundamentals of history and literature, according to a survey from the American Enterprise Institute.
Among the 1,500 17-year-olds in the survey, only 43 percent knew the Civil War occurred between 1850 and 1900. A quarter of the students could identify Adolf Hitler, and less than 20 percent knew which countries America fought in World War II. Only about half knew the theme of George Orwell's book, 1984, or that Senator Joseph McCarthy's scandal was about communism.

"The question of how much our 17-year-olds know is particularly pressing, given broader social trends. After all, these students are less than a year away from reaching legal adulthood, making them eligible to vote and serve in the nation's armed forces," said Frederick Hess, director of education policy studies for the American Enterprise Institute and the author of the report.

Private schools can often offer better, smaller classes than public schools. Help your teen be better prepared for college and the work place by sending them to a top private boarding school. Visit Boarding Schools Info to find the best boarding school for your child.

Labels: deficiencies, education, school

More teen girls set up personal Web sites and keep online blogs than teen boys, according to a new study from the Pew Internet and American Life Project.
About 35% of girls ages 12 to 17 who are online keep blogs (diaries) compared to only 20% of boys. Girls are more likely to create Web sites and other Internet content compared to boys (55% vs. 45%).

"Girls have always demonstrated a more aggressive adoption of online posting," according to Mary Madden, a senior research specialist at Pew. "It seems that girls are more focused on verbal expression."

Studies have shown that girls think differently than boys and therefore learn differently than boys. Private all-girls boarding schools address the specific needs of girls, both in and out of the classroom. New Leaf Academy is an all girls junior boarding school with campuses in Oregon and North Carolina. Bromley Brook is a boarding high school for girls that offers a more traditional location in New England. Copper Canyon Academy boarding schools for troubled girls is located in Arizona.

Labels: boundaries, girls, internet

A husband and wife who were raised in strict homes are likely to run a tight ship of their own. But as their children become teens and start to rebel, they worry they've been too strict.

"Teens normally rebel against authority, but it sounds like you are questioning whether or not the rules you grew up with are right for your teens. You and your husband need to identify your main concerns for your teens... The thing you want to change is coining everything as a rule when it is really about principles and values."

Family columnist Colleen O'Reilly goes on to suggest instituting family meetings as a venue in which every family member can voice concerns, questions, and complaints. Read more at LaCrosseTribune.com.

If you teen's rebelling has gotten out of control you may think of sending them to something like a Brat Camp. Turn-About Ranch has been featured in many Brat Camp type shows in Europe. Learn more about Turn-About Ranch and other Brat Camps at www.bratcamps.com.

Labels: parenting_styles, rebelling, rules

Television shows like Dateline's "To Catch a Predator" have created a stereotype of the online pedophiles which has been found to be inaccurate. The stereotype is of an adult to who deceives a young person by posing as a teen him- or herself.

"Internet offenders pretended to be teenagers in only 5 percent of the crimes studied by researchers at the University of New Hampshire's Crimes Against Children Research Center. They also found that nearly 75 percent of victims who met offenders face to face did so more than once. Very few cases involved violence, stalking or abduction."

Though this new information doesn't diminish the dangers of online predators, it gives parents and teens someone different to look out for. More than likely, it's an adult who's upfront about his or her age and open about wanting to initiate a sexual relationship. One of the best guards against this kind of activity is for parents to be aware of the relationships that their teen is developing, both on- and offline. Read more at TheGlobeandMail.com.

Labels: bullying, online_safety, violence

Dating is an inevitable part of the teenage years. It can test your relationship with your spouse as well as with your teen. There are some steps you can take to make these years a little easier.

"Talk to each other. There is power in unity. Talk through the issues behind closed doors until you are in agreement on your standards, such as curfews and dating venues. Is a school dance, sports event, or movie acceptable? What about an unchaperoned party? Will a boy have to come to the door or is a honking horn good enough?"

It's important for parents to talk to their teen as well, not just each other. Discussions about dating will be ongoing for everyone involved. Though you'll be ahead of the game by setting ground rules, there is still a lot of "gray area" that will have to be figured out along the way. Read more at Lifeway.com.

Labels: communication, dating, relationships

As blended families become more common, researchers and child development experts are beginning to turn their attention not only to stepmoms, but to stepdads. In a rare kind of study out of the University of London, researchers found that stepdads often struggle to connect with their step-kids.

"While stepparents of either gender tend to be aloof, stepdads are more likely than stepmoms to fight with teenage children, especially if the child is a boy, says Erini Flouri, lead author of the study... Stepdads were more likely than biological fathers to see their step-teens as hyperactive or badly behaved, the researchers found."

The good news is that dads who were more attentive to their kids - whether they were step- or biological children - had strong positive impacts on their kids. Experts suggest that parents of stepfamilies need to recognize the additional stress that's put on all family members and find productive, positive ways to talk through that stress. Read more at MSNBC.com.

Labels: perceptions, research, step_parents