News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Contributing writer Gregory Ramey of the Dayton Daily News tells the story of a father who's counting the days until his daughter leaves for college. The dad has gone so far to keep a secret calendar on which he marks each day and feels a sense of hope in knowing that he's one day closer to his daughter being hundreds of miles away.

"It's easy to criticize what this dad is doing, but listening to his stories leads more to understanding and sympathy than to censure. Parenting is tough, and raising some kids is particularly demanding... How do you live with a child that you love, but don't really like?"

It's a hard question that leaves the parents who ask it feeling guilty and sometimes selfish. But kids with strong personalities can be a drain on the whole family if parents don't have some help figuring things out. Ramey goes on to offer some suggestions like "find some common ground" and "accept your limitations".

Labels: communication, compromise, relationships

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It's common nowadays for family members to see very little of each other. Parents are both working, kids are at school and involved in extracurricular activities. Time together is rare. But the absence of family time can lead to dangerous behavior among teens.

"The constant togetherness means young people are, for all practical purposes, raising each other. It's not just that what their peers think carries more weight than what Mom and Dad think. It's that many teenagers spend so little time with their families that they don't really know what Mom and Dad think."

As a result, teens are much more "tethered to each other" than generations past. Where one goes, the others will follow, even if the direction is not good. Read more at News.Cincinnati.com.

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Labels: influences, involment, independence

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A worldwide Harris Interactive poll of teenagers in the United States, Hong Kong and Shanghai found that American teens watch more television than their Asian counterparts, who are more likely to read magazines. However, the Chinese teens played more online video games than Americans (80% of those in Shanghai compared to 20% in the USA).

The top goal of teens no matter where they live is to become a millionaire.

Labels: tv, teen_culture, reading

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A teen with a part-time job can ease some of the strain parents often feel on their pocketbooks. It can also teach a teen responsibility.

"So if you are teetering on the fence because you just aren't sure if your teen is ready, you should allow your teen to try... If, however, your 16-year-old is fighting the thought of getting a job, then don't push it. While you don't want to give into any fears of real world experiences, waiting one more year may give your teen the confidence he/she needs."

For younger teens (under 16), jobs can be hard to find. But babysitting, lawn mowing and paper routes are all excellent possibilities. Work with your teen to find a job that (though it won't be his dream job) will be a good fit for his personality and abilities. Read more at ParentingTeens.About.com.

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Labels: responsibility, maturity, jobs

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Parents often view their obese children as only slightly overweight or even normal, according to a new study by the Knowledge Network Research firm. This is particularly true for parents with children under 11 years.

Researchers surveyed 2,060 parents whose children are clinically obese. Among parents with children ages 6 to 11 years, 43% told the researchers that their children were "just about at the right weight," 37% said they were "slightly overweight," and only 13% said "very overweight." Parents of teens (ages 12 to 17 years) were somewhat more realistic. Over 55% said their children were "slightly overweight," 31% said "very overweight," and 11% said they were at the "right weight."

Since childhood obesity is linked to serious diseases such as heart failure and diabetes, the results of this study indicate that parents of obese children need to better understand that their children have a serious health problem.

Want to learn more about childhood obesity and how to help overweight kids? Visit MyOverweightChild.com.

Labels: health, obesity, denial

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Teens are socializing online and by cell phone more than ever, although email is now "uncool," according to a study by the Pew Institute.

Over 63% of teens own cell phones, and 55% use them every day to talk with friends. Fifty-five percent have profiles on social networks like Facebook and MySpace, and 41% use these websites to communicate with friends every day. Over 40% of girls and 20% of boys blog or keep online diaries.

The "Teens and Social Media" study involved interviews with persons ages 12 to 17 years old between 2004 and 2006.

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Labels: internet, cell_phones, email

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You want to know what your teenager is doing and saying on his favorite social networking site (MySpace, Facebook, etc). So you go online, create a profile of your own and "friend" your son so that you can see his profile, comments, pictures, etc. But is that the best place to start?

"Rather than going to your teen's favorite social networking site, finding something disagreeable and then telling him your were looking at his profile, talk about it first. Let him know that a condition of his being allowed to use MySpace, Facebook or the next big thing to come along is that you have access to his page. The purpose of this conversation is not to negotiate, but to underscore the value you place on being upfront and honest."

Instead of creating a profile of your own and trying to "sneak a peek" at your daughter's Facebook page, ask her if the two of you can look at her profile together. Most young people don't think they post anything dangerous on these web sites, but often they're unaware of little things (pictures or comments) that would make them vulnerable to online predators. Make sure your teen knows that your primary focus is to help her be safe.

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Labels: internet, interferring, privacy

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Having a real conversation with your teenager isn't always easy. In fact, it's almost never easy! Teens and parents live in different realities and their communication reflects that. Here are some tips for "getting on the same page" with your teen.

"More often than not, when we complain that our teenagers won't talk to us, what we are really saying is, 'My teenager won't listen to me.' In order to make a connection with your teen, the conversation has to be two-sided with mutual respect. Wait until they've completely finished telling you something before jumping in with advice or an opinion."

Parents also have a tendency to react first and listen later. If your teen is telling you something that troubles you, let him finish his story first. Be thankful that he's telling you at all! And temper your response so that he feels comfortable confiding in you in the future.

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Labels: parenting_tips, communication, respect

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Dr. Drew Pinsky, most famous for his radio call-in show LOVELINE, has joined Partnership for a Drug Free America's TimeToTalk™ campaign. The Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Keck USC School of Medicine has posed a question for parents on the Yahoo! Answers Q&A community.

"Dr. Drew is asking parents the following question currently featured on Yahoo! Answers: 'How do you turn media publicity about celebrities with drug problems into teachable moments for your kids?' Drew's question reflects TimeToTalk's mission to encourage and empower parents to have ongoing conversations with their teens about the risks of drug and alcohol abuse."

Dr. Drew will also create a 30-second public service announcement about addiction recovery that will air during his first episode of VH-1's "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew".

Want to learn more about teen drug use? Visit http://www.adolescent-substance-abuse.com to learn more.

Labels: influences, drugs, addictions

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Helicopter parents - who hover over their child's every move and decision - are becoming more common at the University level, according to several University professors. But all of the attention can have a negative impact.

"Ms McDonald said, 'It's like the term infantilizing, which means treating young people as children and buying them more options than previous generations of undergraduates. So students often feel disempowered and less independent, especially in their last year of university when they come to speak to career advisers."

Some parents who continue trying to manage their kids' lives have gone so far as to attend job interview and call potential employers to try and negotiate salaries for their kids.

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Labels: helicopter_parenting, college, independence

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When describing today's teenagers, people are likely to use words like "rebellious" and "confrontational" or phrases like "acting out" or "low self-esteem". But a recent survey conducted by Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD) has found the opposite is true for most teens.

"...there is significant evidence from SADD that the majority of teens feel happy almost every day and perceive themselves as friends (77 percent), honest (72 percent) and smart (72 percent). Similarly, more than six in ten say they can handle change well and are liked by others."

The survey results are confirmed by Tufts University profess Richard M. Lerner, whose new book "The Good Teen" found that many adolescents consider themselves to be of good character, caring, competent and confident.

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Labels: happiness, emotions, perceptions

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Today's generation of kids and adolescents lives in a very different world than did their parents. They prefer multi-tasking and would rather be online that outside. In his new book, "Me, MySpace and I: Parenting the Net Generation", CSU psychology professor Larry Rosen attempts to shed some light and ease some fears.

"'It's a different world now, and parents have to get used to it,' the author said in an interview. 'Kids' social life is online, now and you can't take that away from them  you have to manage it.' The book offers parents a way to do just that with simple tips such as placing computers in a common area, setting limits for time spent online and using sites like MySpace and Facebook themselves to glean a clearer understanding of what kids experience."

Rosen believes kids' online presence is a great way for them to develop their own identity, as it allows them to express themselves in a lower risk environment.

Labels: parenting_tips, books

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In what's being hailed as "the first of its kind", 17-yr-old Eva-Maria has published a parenting book titled "You Shut Up!" aimed at helping parents build healthier relationships with their teens.

"'You Shut Up!' is not a comfortable read. It challenges parents to reassess the way they relate to their teenagers and come up with an approach that is guided by a mixture of love and pragmatism, communication and non-interference, with less judgment and more trust  something we aren't always very good at."

The book gives parents a unique insight into what teens think about parents - their roles and responsibilities - and what they, as teens, need most from moms and dads.

Private boarding schools like the Academy at Swift River can offer help to families in the form of therapy and lessons in communication.

Labels: communication, relationships, parenting_books

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Britney Spears' younger sister, Jamie Lynn, is 16 and pregnant. The young star of Nickelodeon's Zoey 101, Jamie Lyn brings to the forefront the issue of teen pregnancy and the dangers of trying to grow up too fast too soon. The story also creates an opportunity for parents to talk to their kids about sex.

"How early to start talking about sex depends on the maturity of your child. If a question comes up, be honest, open, and respectful. Also be sure there is two way conversation and not a one way lecture."

Lisa Leblanc, Community Program Coordinator of the Women's Foundation recommends that parents set dating rules, including restrictions how old or young a boy- or girlfriend can be. Sexual activity seems to occur more often in relationships between older boys and younger girls.

Looking for a boarding school for your teenager? Visit TeenBoardingSchools.com for a complete list of boarding schools.

Labels: sex, communication, pregnancy

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The information age is giving some parents the ability to track their kids' school performance. Several schools in the Chicago area have begun using electronic grade books that both students and parents can access online. It's an ability that most kids appreciate, as long as the parent doesn't get too carried away.

"The challenge for parents lies in keeping their children focused, but also encouraging them to take responsibility for their own grades, said Lee Shumow, a Northern Illinois University professor of adolescent development. It's important for adolescents to start developing autonomy, she said."

Many students are taking initiative and tracking their own grades, which gives them the opportunity to monitor their performance and make necessary improvements. The program, called Pinnacle Internet Viewer, was developed by Colorado-based software company Excelsior Software.

A good private college prep school, like Mount Bachelor Academy in Oregon, helps students with academics as well personal growth.

Labels: school, involment, grades

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It's inevitable, kids grow up and eventually have to live a life all their own. But when and how parents let go is important. Let go too soon, and a child isn't ready for his newfound independence. Hold on too long, and she may never learn to be ready.

"Humorist Erma Bombeck described this difficult process in terms that were helpful to me. She said the task of raising kids is rather like trying to fly a kite on a day when the wind doesn't blow. Mom and Dad run down the road pulling the cute little device at the end of a string...Then, unexpectedly, a gust of wind catches the kite and it sails upward. Mom and Dad feed out line as rapidly as they can... Then the moment of release comes..."

The kite string slips through Mom and Dad's fingers and majestically soars away.

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Labels: parenting_tips, independence, leaving_home

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The start of a new year is often accompanied by resolutions and goals. It's a great time to sit down with your teenage child and help him or her set some goals of their own.

"Start with ideas. Ask your teen about what she wants to see happen in her life this year. Encourage her to imagine what her life would be like if her desires actually happen. What would change? What would stay the same? Who would be involved."

Encourage your son or daughter to keep a "dream book"; a place where they can write down their dreams and goals. And they don't have be elaborate. Just a simple phrase, or even one word, is enough to keep the idea from being forgotten.

Labels: goals, communication, resolutions

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Children and teens imitate their parents' patterns of aggression, according to a new study published in the Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology.

Professors Sarah Duman and Gayla Margolin interviewed members of 118 two-parent families individually, asking them how they would respond to being provoked by teasing, assaults, and so forth. The families were representative of all ethnic and socio-economic groups.

The researchers found that if parents chose aggressive responses, their children did too.

"Mother-to-father physical aggression was significantly correlated with girls' aggressive problem solving, whereas father-to-mother physical aggression was correlated with boys' aggressive problem solving," according to the authors. In other words, girls learned aggression from their mothers, and boys learned it from their fathers. Aggressive behaviors on the part of parents clearly influenced the children's choices and behaviors.

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Labels: aggression, role_models, problem_solving

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It's inevitable. That little girl who loved to go shopping with you is suddenly more interested in shopping with her friends. That little boy who loved to play catch suddenly doesn't want to be seen in public with you. Your child has become a teenager. It's time to shift your parenting style.

"Don't overreact. You're not imagining those mood swings. Your teen's quick-fire emotion switches show up on brain scans. They experience feelings more intensely and often overreact because they think we're upset or angry. Try counting to three before you talk. Stay calm. Lower your voice. Clarify emotions. Or take a time out. Then reconnect. Don't take it personally."

Though teens act like they don't want their parents around - they do. Respect their privacy and their desire for independence, but temper that with open communication and guidance.

Having a hard time figuring out how to be a parent and a friend? Visit our articles page to find free parenting tips for parents of teenagers.

Labels: parenting_styles, emotions, independence

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High school boys who work out or participate in sports are less likely to smoke, according to a new study from the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine.

Boys who exercise individually are 12% less likely to smoke; those on sports teams are 18% less likely. The effect did not hold true for girls.

Dr. Daniel Rodriguez, who did the study for the American Cancer Society, said the results were important because most people start smoking in high school.

"If you can make it out of the adolescent period," he said, "you're pretty safe."

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Labels: exercise, boys, smoking

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