You've eagerly awaited all the of your child's "firsts" - first step, first word, first day of school. But now there's a new first: the first boyfriend. And you don't like him.
Perhaps you've heard rumors about him using drugs or alcohol, or that he's a poor student. Or maybe you know nothing about him, but you dislike his parents. It's even possible that you hadn't formed an opinion until you met him - but when you did, you came away with a negative impression.
Teen dating is full of promise, but is often accompanied by a certain amount of parental anxiety. It's important to try to put things into perspective when it comes to your child's current squeeze, though. Remember, if you don't like him, you can take heart in knowing that the vast majority of teen relationships don't last.
How you can help
If you don't like the boy your daughter is dating, take a step back and consider why this might be so. Unless you have proof of him being involved with drugs, alcohol, or other wrongdoing, or he is more than a year or two older than your daughter (or she is too young to date at all), it's probably best not to forbid your child from seeing him.
Dating a variety of people gives your child important learning experiences, such as socially appropriate behavior, cooperation skills, interdependence, and companionship. It is crucial practice for developing an intimate, meaningful, and lasting relationship later in life.
If you are especially concerned about who your daughter is associating with, begin a discussion by asking her what she sees in her new flame, and what she wants from the relationship. Listen to what she has to say, and take your cues from her words.
For example, perhaps she feels pressured by peers, or by the boy himself, to enter into a more serious relationship than what she really wants. If that is the case, help her to develop a stronger sense of self-esteem and better self-image, so that she is capable of standing up for what she believes, and is less likely of being influenced by peer pressure.
If she does appear to be madly in love with this boy, express your concerns and share your wisdom in a caring and supportive way. Remind her that being involved in a serious relationship changes life in many ways. It can tie her down, affect her studies and grades, and take time away from other friendships.
Invite the boy over so that you can get to know him, and perhaps find something to like about him. Most likely, he's not as bad as you think. And even if he is, if you've established a strong bond with your daughter, you can keep the lines of communication open with her and help her to make the right decisions.
Related article: Dating the Dangerous Boy
Labels: dating, influences, peer_pressure
Posted By: Aspen Education Group