News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers
The By Parents For Parents Blog is regularly updated with the latest news and information on topics that relate to parenting teenagers. We'll post parenting advice and tips from trusted online news sources and expert parenting columns.
We invite you to add your comments. Please let us know if you would like some specific topics covered, want to share your experience as a parent dealing with teens, or just have general feedback on the By Parents For Parents Blog.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Ways to Get Your Teens Talking
Few people would argue that spending time with family is an important part of growing up. Studies have found that kids of families that regularly eat dinner together are less likely to start using drugs or alcohol. Conversation is also necessary in keeping updated on what's happening in a teen's life. But getting the conversation started can be difficult. Vanessa Van Petten has some suggestions.
"Find a time once a week where your family can get together and talk about a certain issue or play a game. Make it consistent. One family I know has every family member during the week write down at least five words they came upon in everyday life they didn't recognize. It makes both parents and kids think about the 'challenge' during the week, they get to learn new words and supposedly they have some pretty funny guessing games and example sentences on their weekly Sunday night challenge."
Other options to consider are having a family game night or attending local concerts and festivals. The key is to do something together that can spark conversation, making it easier for teens and parents to talk.
Labels: communication, families, quality_time
posted by ByParents-forParents at 2:29 PM
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Consequence of Breaking the Rules
Warnings and lectures don't do much to motivate teens. Any parent of a teen can vouch for that. When teaching a teen to take responsibility for their actions, tactile consequences speak louder than words.
"A simple rule might be: 'If the car is not home by curfew, then you won't be able to use the car for a day.' If the teen continues to miss curfew, then don't let him drive for increasingly longer periods. And don't soften the blow by offering rides to school. Let him take the bus, so he learns, and learns quickly, from it."
Neither emotional humiliation nor physical pain should be used as consequences. If it is, it simply pits parent against child and valuable lessons about personal responsibility are never learned.
A
therapeutic boarding school can help a teenager who's spinning out of control emotionally. By combining accredited academics with counseling and therapy, a good school will change a child's future. Visit
TherapeuticBoardingSchools.com to find a school today.
Labels: consequences, parenting, rules
posted by ByParents-forParents at 9:02 AM
Thursday, December 27, 2007
College Students Tell Researchers that using Pornography is Acceptable
A majority of college students believes that it is okay to use pornography, according to a new study from Brigham Young University. In fact, about one in five male college students said they view pornography every day or nearly every day. Some 86% report that they viewed such materials at least once this year.
Among college women, nearly half said that porn was acceptable, but only 31% have actually viewed it and only 3% were regular users.
Jason Carroll, author of the study, also found that regular porn use is linked to risky behaviors such as binge drinking and having sex with multiple partners. Carroll surveyed 813 students from six different colleges for the study, which appears in the Journal of Adolescent Research.
Worried that your teenage daughter may be engaging in risky behaviors like having sex and using drugs or alcohol? Copper Canyon Academy can help. Copper Canyon is an
all girls boarding school in Arizona that offers accredited academics, therapy, and a safe, structured environment for teens.
Labels: college, media_infuences, porn
posted by ByParents-forParents at 2:51 PM
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Helping Teens Branch Out
Adolescence is hard on both teen and parent. Kids want to branch out, exercise their independence, but they're not ready to be completely self-sufficient.
"Maintain a positive outlook. Remember, adolescence is temporary, and your attitude can help your teens develop and maintain a good self-image, confidence, and competence. It's normal for teens to suddenly become critical of their family. They are trying to break away and need an excuse. Enjoy helping them discover their talents and interests."
Patience for poor behavior and praise for good will also help.
Labels: attitudes, emotional_growth, independence
posted by ByParents-forParents at 2:28 PM
Monday, December 24, 2007
Social Scientists Isolate 5 Factors Linked to Early Sexual Experimentation
Researchers at the University of Wisconsin/Madison have found several factors that increase the likelihood that a person will have sex at an early age.
These factors are advanced puberty development, low self-esteem, attention deficit disorder, parents with little education, and watching more than three hours of television per day. Each factor increased the likelihood of early sex by 44%.
"It isn't any one thing, it's cumulative," said Dr. Janet Hyde, a psychologist and lead author of the study. She and her colleagues believe that children who watch excessive television probably lack parental supervision. Lack of supervision is linked to early sexual experimentation, not watching television per se.
She and her colleagues studied 273 children at ages 13 and then age 15. Only one in ten boys in the study lost their virginity by age 15; among girls, the percent was slightly less.
This study was presented at the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality.
Labels: puberty, self-esteem, sex
posted by ByParents-forParents at 9:21 AM
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Boys Experience Date Violence Just as Often as Girls
Boys are just as likely as girls to experience date violence, according to researchers using data from the National Youth Risk Behavior Study.
Almost 14,000 students in grades 9 through 12 were asked, "In the past year, did your boyfriend or girlfriend ever hit slap or physically hurt you on purpose in any way?" Among girls, 9.2 percent answered yes, compared to 9% of boys.
Dating violence is related to drinking, physical fights, sexual activity, and suicidal thoughts, according to the study, which was presented at the American Public Health Association's annual meeting in Washington, D.C.
Copper Canyon Academy is a
boarding school for girls who have started down the wrong path but want to change course now, before it gets worse. Learn about their
all girls school at CopperCanyonAcademy.com.
Labels: boys, girls, violence
posted by ByParents-forParents at 1:30 PM
Friday, December 21, 2007
Sexually Transmitted Diseases on the Rise
The Center for Disease Control is reporting an increase in the number of new cases of sexually transmitted diseases, including Chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, papillomavirus and trichomonas infections after several years of decline.
Chlamydia is on the rise, especially among women under 26 years. The latest statistics showed 1,030,911 new cases in the year 2006, but CDC scientists believe that the real number is closer to 2.8 million. Chlamydia can cause pelvic inflammatory disease, entopic pregnancies and infertility in women.
Between 1975 and 1997, the rate of gonorrhea dropped 75%, only to rise the past two years to about 700,000 new cases annually.
Labels: risky_behavior, sexually_transmitted_diseases
posted by ByParents-forParents at 9:01 AM
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Supportive Family Structure Linked to Delays in the Onset of Puberty
Children who grow up in families where there is a lot of parental support from both a mother and a father and below-average marital conflict and depression experience puberty later than children without such advantages, according to a new study.
Researchers from the University of Arizona and University of Wisconsin/Madison studied the families of 227 children as they went from preschool through middle school. They found that stressors like marital conflict, lack of support from parents and negativity in the child/parent relationship increased the age of onset of puberty. Other factors were the age of the mother at puberty, socio-economic levels, and Body Mass Index. Leaner children tend to sexually mature later.
This study appears in the
Journal of Child Development.
Labels: puberty, stress, support
posted by ByParents-forParents at 7:57 AM
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Responding to Manipulation
As kids grow up and begin to develop their sense of personal identity and independence, they're more likely to challenge their parents about things like curfew, the friends they hang out with, and their general activities. They also start learning how to tell parents what they want to hear and get what they want at the same time. In other words - they begin to master the art of manipulation.
"One of the very best defenses against manipulation is to let your 'yes' mean 'yes' and let your 'no' mean 'no'. If you say no at first, and your teen keeps asking you and asking you over and over, and then you give in and say yes, you have taught them that your no does not mean no."
A parent who determines that it's time for "no" to mean "no" again needs to be prepared for some repercussions. Teens will push back, possibly harder than before, in an attempt to revert mom and dad back to their old patters. But stand firm, and in time your teen will adjust to the new "balance of power".
Need
help with your troubled teen? Get help at
4TroubledTeens.com.
Labels: independence, manipulation, parenting_tips
posted by ByParents-forParents at 8:54 AM
Monday, December 17, 2007
Talking to Teens
Teenagers may act like it's "no big deal" that they don't have heart-to-heart conversations with their parents, but in the privacy of counseling sessions many admit that it bothers them. In fact, research has shown that a teen girl's self-esteem is closely tied to her relationship with her father.
"If you want to become closer to your teenager, here are some tips. First, remember that their bravado is just that. It is meant to protect a still fragile, developing person. Second, remember that their dress and language, which may be off putting to you, is part of this armor and helps to connect them with their peers. We all had our own version and most of it is harmless."
Also remember that teen boys are much more comfortable doing stuff than just sitting around and talking. So schedule time to play his favorite sport, or go for a drive. Teens love to talk, sometimes they just need a little help getting started.
Want to learn how to text message your teen? Check out an article,
Text Your Teen 4 Better Communication, to learn about the do's and don'ts of texting.
Labels: commitment, relationships, self-esteem
posted by ByParents-forParents at 1:03 PM
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Teens use IM to Avoid Face-to-face Encounters
Teens use Instant Messages to say things they don't want to say in person.
"I want to break up with you" is now a text message for 13% of teens who cannot bear to say it to their boyfriend or girlfriend's face.
"If you're face to face, you can't close out the window and disappear if you've been rejected," one teen told researchers.
A survey of teenagers by the Associated Press and AOL found that over half of teens use IM regularly, compared to only one in five adults.
Labels: communication, text_messaging
posted by ByParents-forParents at 8:49 PM
Saturday, December 15, 2007
'Rookie Driver' Designation Taking Off
After nearly getting into an accident with her teenage son behind the wheel, Corinne Fortenbacher decided the family car needed some kind of marking that would tell others on the road her son was a novice driver. Neither she, nor her son, could find anything they liked, so they created a magnet of their own.
"The result is their expanding 'Rookie Driver' designation, currently distributed in 45 states and Canada. Fortenbacher says parent concerns and the fact that over one million teens are involved in auto accidents each year have helped spread the word."
Their web site, RookieDriver.net, contains tips, a blog, and other "teen driver safety aids", all of which are designed by teenagers.
Labels: driving, safety
posted by ByParents-forParents at 8:48 PM
Friday, December 14, 2007
Where's the Line?
Tom and Cindy (not their real names) know more about their daughter than she could possibly imagine. Using one of many available programs, they are able to view her email, instant messages, and track the web sites she views.
"Every time Jane writes or reads one of those [keywords], Cindy gets an email and can see what she's up to. It's a far cry from past generations, where parents knew what their kids were up to. The family telephone didn't offer much privacy."
Parents have reason to worry. Nearly one-third of all teens who are online have been contacted by a stranger. Still, some kids and parents consider this level of monitoring an invasion of privacy and insist there are other ways to keep kids safe. It's a debate that's likely to continue as long as there are teens, parents, and the Internet.
Keeping kids safe online, and offline, can be a daunting task for any parent. Visit the
ParentingTipsNewsletter for more free advice and
help for parents of teenagers.
Labels: internet, privacy, safety
posted by ByParents-forParents at 8:47 PM
Thursday, December 13, 2007
The Shift of Power
Kids often begin exerting pressure for more freedom when they hit their early teens, or very late pre-teens (11 or 12-years-old). The pressure inevitably increases tensions between parent and child, causing parents to want to throw their hands up in frustration.
"Many parents wish that children would be perfectly compliant until they graduate from high school. This is not how parenting works. It's a gradual turnover of power and control from the parent to the child. Your child is pushing for more control, so look for areas in her life where she can grasp it without jeopardizing her health and well-being."
Instead of allowing her to stay out later, increase the amount of time she can be on-line or on the phone. Let her take a school-chaperoned trip that will satisfy her desire for adventure. This is a crucial time in a child's life; parents need to be as engaged with their kids as ever.
Got a brat on your hands? Check out learn about the history of
brat camps and learn how you can help your bratty teenager.
Labels: independence, manipulation, power
posted by ByParents-forParents at 8:56 AM
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Parental Bill of Rights
Sometimes, as a parent, it feels as though your rights concerning your kids have all but vanished - especially when the kids become teenagers. Where, before, questions about friends and activities were answered without much fuss, your kids become teens and suddenly those questions make you the bad guy. In response to this inevitable switch, a group from California put together the Parents Bill of Rights and Responsibilities.
"This Parent's Bill of Rights and Responsibilities was created by a group of parents, educators, counselors, law enforcement personnel, and an assortment of community leaders - collectively known as the Tri-City Substance Abuse Coalition - in response to questions and concerns expressed by parents in their community."
The list includes such things as "the right to be treated with respect" and "the right to demonstrate we care by occasionally verifying or spot checking our children's whereabouts." Though this Bill of Rights may not be integrated into the Constitution, it nevertheless serves as a reminder to both parent and child that the parent has certain "unalienable rights" - regardless of the child's age.
Labels: communication, respect, rights
posted by ByParents-forParents at 6:16 PM
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
American Teens have Casual Attitude Toward Credit Cards and Debt
Thirty percent of today's teens are already in debt and a majority believes that credit cards are easier to use than cash, according to a new study from the Charles Schwab brokerage house.
Schwab conducted a survey of American teens and found that the majority have casual attitudes toward using credit cards. In addition, seventy percent reported that their parents or guardians were not concerned with teaching them about smart money management.
Some studies have demonstrated that using credit cards increases the amount of money spent at any given time. For example, McDonalds found that adults spend 47% more in their restaurants if they use credit cards instead of cash.
Labels: attitudes, money, responsibility
posted by ByParents-forParents at 8:46 PM
Monday, December 10, 2007
Younger Siblings 'Keep the Peace' with First-borns
Younger siblings play down their successes and employ other strategies to preserve their relationships with first-borns, according to a new study of teens in Australia.
University of Queensland professors Pat Noller and Anita Blakely-Smith looked at 355 pairs of siblings ages 13 to 17 years. They found that first-borns enjoy exerting power over younger brothers and sisters, while the younger ones work to keep the peace. The younger siblings were more aware of the older siblings' need for self-esteem, but the first-borns had less concern for their siblings' feelings and enjoyed their successes.
The researchers also found that a similar dynamic occurs in twins, even when the age gap is just a few minutes.
Labels: happiness, relationships, siblings
posted by ByParents-forParents at 7:05 PM
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Materialism Linked to Self-esteem
Materialism in teenagers is linked to lower levels of self-esteem in teenagers, according to research form the University of Minnesota.
Professor Deborah John from the Carlson School of Management found that materialism increases in middle childhood and early adolescence (ages 8 to 13 years) and decreases by the end of high school. This mirrors patterns of self-esteem.
"The level of materialism in teens is directly driven by self-esteem," she wrote. "Self-esteem drops as children enter adolescence, when materialism peaks. By late adolescence when self-esteem rebounds, materialism drops too."
This study appears in the
Journal of Consumer Research.
Labels: influences, money, self-esteem
posted by ByParents-forParents at 8:43 PM
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Despite the Harry Potter Craze Teens are Reading Less
Teens are reading less, which may be why their scores in reading are falling, according to a new report from the National Endowment of the Arts.
The number of 17-year-olds who "never or hardly ever" read for pleasure is now at 19%, or double the percent ten years before. Only 52% of college-aged Americans read one book for pleasure, compared to 59% in 1992.
Publishers told researchers from the NEA that the teen market for books is hotter than ever, despite the decline in reading. This may be due to the Harry Potter books, which adults buy for themselves, or to the fact that a small number of teens buy a large number of books.
Overall book sales have dropped 14% between 1985 and 2005.
Labels: books, reading
posted by ByParents-forParents at 8:32 PM
Friday, December 07, 2007
Parenting in Moderation
School teachers and administrators are on the front-lines when it comes to parent-teen relationships. They hear complaints from students and get phone calls from parents. Many teachers and administrators have begun to notice that parents seem intent on protecting their children from any- and everything that could cause sadness, discomfort, or disappointment.
"Parenting in moderation means teaching our young people to accept rejection and grow from their mistakes. Without the ability to cope with life's setbacks, teens can fall victim to destructive behaviors such as binge drinking, depression, self-mutilation and eating disorders."
One tell-tale sign of 'over-parenting' is if their investing more toward a particular outcome than the child is investing. In that case, it may be time to ease up a little.
Get more
parenting tips and advice at
ParentingNewsletter.com.
Labels: interferring, parenting tips, relationships
posted by ByParents-forParents at 8:40 PM
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Adults OK Contraception to Students
About two-thirds of American adults believe it is okay to allow public schools to provide birth control to students, according to a recent poll by the Associated Press.
However, most respondents said that schools should ask for parental consent first. Those surveyed were divided on whether passing out contraceptives encourages teens to have sex, and how to go about teaching sex education classes. Higher-income earners and older adults tended to believe that schools should not provide birth control. The views of men and women were similar.
About five percent of public high schools provide condoms for students.
NorthStar Center offers
treatment for drug addiction to young adults who are in recovery and on the road to success. Visit
www.northstarcenter.com to learn more.
Labels: contraception, school, sex
posted by ByParents-forParents at 3:20 PM
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Teen Sex: No Positives
Some strange studies have surfaced lately about the positive effects that sexual relationships can have in the life of a teenager. One study claims teens that have consensual sex are far less likely to engage in other risky behaviors. But, in an attempt to be a voice of reason, Armstrong Williams offers a different perspective.
"From unwanted pregnancies to sexually transmitted diseases, sex can cause a world of hurt for those who are unprepared for the consequences... Are they ready to drop out of school and go to work to support a child? Of course not! Are they prepared to find an abortion clinic or adoption center and figure out their options? Doubtful! Are they prepared to go through nine months of pregnancy and all the strains that are brought about? Absolutely not! And are they prepared to raise a child when they themselves are not even old enough to drive or vote? The answer is as clear as day: NO."
Even if a teen doesn't get pregnant, there are still consequences to having sex too early. STDs, depression, rejection, and promiscuity are just a few of the possible dire effects.
Middle school girls who may be exhibiting behaviors that are beyond what's considered acceptable by most parents are often reacting to feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem. New Leaf Academy,
boarding schools for girls in Oregon and North Carolina, can help by offering a safe, structured, and nurturing
junior boarding school environment.
Labels: risky_behavior, sex, sexually_transmitted_diseases
posted by ByParents-forParents at 7:15 PM
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Teens Grade Parents
Every year, the Ulrich Children's Advantage Network (UCAN) surveys 1,000 teenagers to find out how they think adults are doing as teachers and parents. The purpose is to give teens a voice in hopes that teachers, parents, and those in government will listen.
"The survey is sent via the mail each year in January or February and covers 20 topics including how well they feel adults are teaching values, spending time with their families, protecting kids from violence, preventing child abuse, being honest, running the government, understanding the realities of teen sex, leading by example, and helping young people cope with anxiety and depression."
Parents averaged "B" grades for things like 'providing quality education' and 'providing a safe place to live', but averaged "C-" for 'running the government' and 'protecting the environment'.
Private schools offer classes, extra-curricular activities, and other advantages to help students get a jump start on their adult life and career. Find a
private high school at BoardingSchoolsInfo.com.
Labels: communication, relationships, role_models
posted by ByParents-forParents at 8:42 PM
Monday, December 03, 2007
Sexually Degrading Song Lyrics Linked to Early Teen Sex
The "hip-hop" culture is about sexually suggestive music, dancing and videos. However, researchers at Columbia University believe that hip-hop does not necessarily encourage teens to experiment with sex. Factors that do influence early sexual expression are drugs, alcohol, peer pressure and "sexually degrading" lyrics in contemporary music. The Columbia group found that hip-hop lyrics are not always sexually degrading, but sometimes were actually sexually empowering for girls.
Dr. Miguel Munoz-Laboy, an assistant professor of socioeconomic sciences, and his colleagues studied more than 1,400 teenagers over a two-year period. They explored the hip-hop culture, and even went to dance clubs. They found that sexually degrading lyrics, as opposed to sexually explicit lyrics, negatively influenced young people. The worst were lyrics that portray women as sexual objects, men as insatiable and sex as meaningless.
Dr. Munoz-Laboy's work appears in the journal
Culture, Health and Sexuality.
Pine Ridge Academy is a
boarding school for troubled teens that helps teenagers transition from a residential treatment center to a more traditional
boarding school.
Labels: influences, music, sex
posted by ByParents-forParents at 8:56 PM
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Materialism in Kids
Marketing firms spend millions of dollars every year pushing products of every kind to pre-teens and teenagers. And, as materialism continues to increase in kids, the marketing appears to be working. But are the ad agencies really to blame?
"In her recent paper 'Growing Up in a Material World...' in the December 2007 issue of the Journal of Consumer Research, [Deborah Roedder] John and co-author Lan Nguyen Chaplin... report the results of two studies conducted with children in three age groups. In the first study, they found that materialism increases from middle childhood (8 and 9 years old) to early adolescence (12 and 13 years old) but then declines by the end of high school (16 to 18 years old). This mirrors patterns in self-esteem, which instead decreases in early adolescence but increases in late adolescence."
The results from this and a second study conducted by John and Chaplin both indicate that materialism in young people is directly tied to their self esteem. The more confident they are, the less materialistic. The results give a clear indication for parents that more emphasis should be placed on helping kids developing a healthy self-esteem and less on helping them develop their wardrobe.
Labels: influences, money, peer_pressure
posted by ByParents-forParents at 8:39 PM
