News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Parents of teenagers often struggle with talking to their kids about serious issues. But it can even harder when the teenager is a boy. Parents feel their kids don't want to talk. But Kim Combes, who has been a foster parent to over 40 teenagers, says that's just not true.

"I think that's the biggest fallacy that we have as adults to overcome. The research and the literature show... kids in high schools and junior highs, they want parental involvement. They want structure."

Combes suggests making your conversations with your teenager more relaxed by doing it over a meal, or while you're hanging out and "shooting hoops". The casual atmosphere will make it easier for your teen to open up. Read more at DesMoinesRegister.com.

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Labels: teens, boys, communication

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Young girls have long idolized such superstars as Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. But it seems that the idolization is starting at younger and younger ages, as girls are consistently taught - through the media and mass marketing - that they're only as good as they look. The American Psychological Association, in a recent report, called this "sexualization".

"The report, published Feb. 19, defined sexualization as something 'occurring when a person's value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics, and when a person is sexually objectified.' Results showed that every media form contributed to the sexualization of girls and young women by portraying them in a sexual manner more often than boys and men."

The report found that sexualization is particularly damaging to young girls and increases the risk for things like depression and eating disorders. Parents, teachers, and other authority figures and mentors can counteract some of these effects by being positive role models, monitoring what young girls are watching and reading, and complimenting girls for their character, performance in school or sports, and other attributes besides their physical appearance. Read more online.

Labels: media_infuences, risky_behavior, role models

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A comprehensive survey of Canadian children ages 13 and 14 years old found that the vast majority had seen pornography over the Internet or watched it as a rented movie. The most dramatic finding was that one-third of the boys told researchers they used pornography deliberately and had seen it "too many times to count."

Boys in rural areas viewed more porn than their urban counterparts.

Sonya Thompson, a graduate student at the University of Alberta in Edmonton, was the author of this study.

Labels: internet, boys, porn

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Teenagers can be tenacious. Sometimes telling them "no" is interpreted as an invitation to argue. But the arguments can occasionally get ugly. Tempers flare, and your teen is just not willing to back down. In those situations, the best thing you can do for yourself and your child is to walk away.

"Retreating from the situation can feel like a defeat. Walking away is not defeat, parents. Not one bit... Walking away is a victory. It means you are aware you have hit the limits of your own tolerance, and that you are not willing to suffer any further. Walking away demonstrates your clear understanding that an impasse has been reached..."

This is a good example to set for your teen. It doesn't mean that you won't revisit the topic you're currently arguing about. But it shows your teen that when two people can't see eye-to-eye and emotions are getting volatile, walking away is a mature response. Read more online.

Labels: communication, arguments, setting_examples

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Teens who have sex at earlier ages than their peer group are at more risk for juvenile delinquency later.

A study of over 7,000 teenagers indicates that those who had sex at younger ages were 20% more likely to participate in illegal acts a year later such as painting graffiti, damaging property, stealing and selling drugs.

"We did not find that sex itself leads to delinquency, but that beginning sexual relationships long before your friends is cause for concern," said Stacy Armour, co-author of the study and a doctoral student at Ohio State University.

Researchers used data collected from students at 132 high schools and middle schools in 1994. The students were re-interviewed a year later and again in 2002. Students at each individual school had a different average age for initial sexual intercourse that ranged from 11.25 years to 17.5 years. Students were compared only to students at their own schools.

Armour said that the connection between early sex and juvenile delinquency has to do with the entire context of a persons life. This study appears in the February 2007 issue of the Journal of Youth and Adolescence.

Labels: sex, research, juvenile delinquency

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College students suffer from too much self-esteem, according to a comprehensive new study by five psychologists at San Diego State University.

Because their self-involvement is at record high, this generation of young people might pose a threat to society.

People who are in love with themselves are "more likely to have romantic relationships that are short-lived, be at risk for infidelity, lack emotional warmth, and exhibit game-playing, dishonesty and over-controlling and violent behaviors," according to lead author Dr. Jean Twenge. Narcissists tend to promote themselves, lack empathy for others, and overreact to criticism. She said that today's youth exhibit record high narcissism.

Dr. Twenge and her colleagues examined answers to personality questionnaires filled out by 16,475 college students between 1982 and 2006. Known as the Narcissistic Personality Inventory, the form requires yes and no responses to statements such as, "I think I am a special person," "If I ruled the world, it would be a better place," and "I can live my life anyway I want to."

The researchers found that narcissism has steadily increased since 1982. About two-thirds of today's college students have above-average scores. This is 30 percent more than in 1982.

Dr. Twenge believes that a "self-esteem movement" begun in schools in the 1980s fueled the change.

Labels: behavior, research, narcissism

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The way you talk to your teen, especially when he violates house rules or gets a bad grade, will determine how much - if at all - your teen will talk to you. Most parent-teen conversations revolve around grades, rules, and expectations. Keeping the conversation light sometimes will help keep the communication flowing.

"Some teens don't have the attention span for long conversations. They'd rather be text-messaging on their cell phones, watching TV, or playing Xbox. They're also afraid long talks will contain minefields of instruction or chastisement that they dont want to hear."

Have causal conversations with your teens. Talk about their day at school and your day at work. Asking their opinions about things helps them realize that they're important, and increases the likelihood of good communications. Read more at Fredericksburg.com.

Labels: parenting tips, communication

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Psychologist and therapist Michael Bradley has authored a book called 'Yes, Your Teen is Crazy! Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind'. But is it true? Are teens really crazy? Many people don't think so.

"Bradley's thesis is interesting (is not original), and he manages to give reasonably practical advice within what is, overall, an entertaining read. But the exceptions disprove Bradley's rule. Let's face it: A significant number of teenagers don't act like they have loose screws rattling around inside their craniums."

In the mid-1800s, teens were described as hard-working and community-minded. Columnist John Rosemond suggests that the change in teens may reflect a change in parenting. Read more online.

Labels: parenting books, behavior, advice

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Divorce often strains relationships between parents and children. But when a parent starts dating or gets married again, it can be just as straining  if not more.

"While the parent may be giddy over a new relationship or spouse, experts warn that their kids may not feel the same way  and no one should try to force them to. Permit the teen or adult child to feel what he or she is feeling about you, the divorce and the new person in your life, says psychologist Joel Black..."

It's natural for teens to react emotionally when a parent starts dating again. The emotions can range from anger or resentment to apathy. Talk through those feelings, and let your child go through the process without being rushed to accept your new mate. Read more at Newsday.com.

Labels: divorce, communication, step_parents

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High school counselors say that teenagers should begin preparing for college life, or just life after high school, as early as possible. In addition to applying to college and filling out financial aid forms, teens should learn how to do laundry, manage their money, and do things like make their own doctor appointments.

"Susan Verduin, in the Dean of Students office at Northern Michigan University, has some more tips on how to get ready for campus life... "One of the biggest things is, they need to learn how to budget money," Verduin said. "They should sit down either with their parents or high school counselor and work out a budget as early as the last semester of high school." She added that getting a planner and taking control of time management is very important. When living on campus, she said, no one will let students know when to get up or when to study."

Other tips include becoming a better reader and learning how to handle car maintenance. Read more from the Marquette Mining Journal.

Labels: money, college, independence

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Over 40% of children ages 10 to 17 who used computers told researchers that they have looked at pornography online, according to a new study by the University of New Hampshire. This represents a 25% increase from a similar study in 2000. The study compared children's internet use between 2004-2005 with that of 1999-2000.

The good news from the study was that children were experiencing less sexual solicitation on line, but there were increases in reports of bullying and harassment. This study appears in the February issue of Pediatrics.

Labels: internet, research, pediatrics

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Last year, social networking sites like MySpace came to the forefront in the media, but the focus was online predators. While it's true that teens need to be mindful of who they're interacting with online, social networking sites aren't all bad. They can, in fact, provide information or clues as to whether a teen is engaging in dangerous or inappropriate behavior.

"...some experts [are] urging parents to use social networking Web sites as an early warning system to alert them to problems from substance abuse to eating disorders to violent fantasies."

Some parents admit they're hesitant to view their children's MySpace or Facebook profiles, because they feel it's an invasion of privacy. But Ann Collier, of Net Family News, hopes parents will reconsider. There's a big difference, she says, between viewing a web page on the internet and looking through - for example - a diary hidden in a drawer. And the information found in a child's profile could help a parent steer him or her away from dangerous or even life-threatening behaviors. Read more online.

Labels: internet, myspace, warning_signs

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Canadian researchers found that parents who do not finish high school are more likely to have children who have problems learning to read and write.

Professor Linda Phillips, director of the Canadian Center for Research on Literacy, said the results were so definitive that her researchers could predict how well children would do on early childhood screening tests just based on their parents' educational levels.

This study is included in a book entitled "Family Literacy Matters," published by Temeron Books Inc.

Labels: education, research

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Most parents (hopefully) have friends and family who can offer guidance and help during their children's trying teenage years. But for some, that support system isn't available, or is inadequate. Nancy Brown, PhD, has collected a handful of websites and blogs that give insight into the world of teenagers and also offer guidance regarding movies and other media.

"The term 'blog' come from 'Web log', and is a form of 'social media' (e.g. MySpace and Wikipedia). The word 'blog' can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog."

Websites include information on teen health, media and marketing, and entertainment. Read more at HealthLine.com.

Labels: internet, myspace, support

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HPV - Human Papillomavirus - is a sexually transmitted disease which is closely linked with cervical cancer. Many people in the political arena and among the medical community would like to see the vaccine for HPV made mandatory for girls entering 5th and 6th grade.

"Although some people who oppose making the vaccine mandatory cite its cost, [Ellen] Taylor [chief of gynecology at Northwestern Hospital Center] said the expense to track and treat any pre-cancerous and cancerous cells caused by the virus will cost more."

Some people also oppose making the vaccine mandatory because they fear it will lead to promiscuity among younger children. Most medical professionals, however, don't believe a vaccination would increase sexual activity.

Read more at CommunityTimes.com.

Labels: sex, sexually_transmitted_diseases

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Many people agree that study habits should be formed early - when a child is in elementary school. But even when good habits have been developed, some kids struggle when they reach their teenage years.

"Do yourself and your student a favor and contact your school's guidance office to see if they can test your child for learning style. No guidance office? Check the local high school or even a local college."

By helping your teen understand her learning style, you can help her develop study habits that work best for her. Read more at online.

Labels: school, learning_styles, studying

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Your teenage daughter may laugh, or seem mortified, when she finds out that you have a MySpace profile. And you can be sure she won't "friend" you. If you sign up for an AIM (instant messenger) account, your son isn't going to ask you for your screenname. But knowing you're out there on the same website and other social avenues of the internet sends a message to your teens that you're paying attention.

"If you haven't heard of the hit shows or video games or technology and you've never seen or used them, it's hard to know what kids are really up to during all those hours they are supposedly doing their homework in front of the screen."

Though some parents resort to banning their kids from using the internet, that decision can hinder kids in the long run. Ours is an internet-based world, and the more parents know and understand the technology, the better they can help their kids navigate the sometimes-dangerous waters. Read more at TheStar.com.

Labels: myspace, text messaging, cell phones, email

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