News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

At an elementary school in Colorado Springs, a handful of dads have formed a group called "Mantor". The purpose of the group is to encourage dads' involvement in their kids' school activities.

"In the three months since the group formed, members have discussed ways to be more involved in the children's lives and how to help their children cope with bullies. It's also about bonding with other men, they say."

So far, only 5 - 7 men are involved in Mantor. But the current members are confident more dads will show an interest as word of the group spreads. Read more from gazette.com.

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A new kind of bully has crept into the world of Instant Messaging and social networking (i.e. - MySpace or Facebook); the cyberbully. According to Bill Belsey, founder of www.cyberbullying.org, "Cyberbullying involves the use of information and communication technologies such as e-mail, cell phone and pager text messages, instant messaging, defamatory personal web sites, and defamatory on-line personal polling web sites to support, deliberate, repeated, and hostile behavior by an individual or group that is intended to harm others." It's a long description that essentially means the Internet has provided bullies a way to bully without having to look someone in the eye to do it.

"'The victim may be an active participant in the conversation... or may be quite unaware that he or she is being victimized...' said [Tony Jurich, Kansas State University professor of family studies]."

Experts at K-State say it's important for parents to understand the type of cyberbullying that can happen on line. It's also important to discuss cyberbullying with your kids. Make sure they know what to do if they're victims of this new kind of bullying. Read more online.

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Many parents are uncomfortable talking to their teenagers about sex. But recent studies have shown that being nervous or uncomfortable doesn't affect how a teen will respond to the conversation. Instead, some of the most important factors are things like: your overall relationship with your child, and your willingness to listen to their concerns and answer (as best you can) their questions.

"...several things were associated with teens choosing to delay sexual intercourse. The first of these was parent/child connectedness, or a warm, close relationship, particularly between the teen and the mother."

Other factors that played a role in teens choosing to delay sexual activity included involvement in sports, being expected to abide by family rules, and personal moral/religious beliefs. Read more from The Daily News.

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A report in the Katy Times cites suicide as the leading cause of death of children ages 10 to 19 and also the most preventable. Children and teenagers turn to suicide when they feel they just can't deal with a situation or events going on in their lives.

"They might be angry, guilty or ashamed about something. Some teens might be trying to escape feelings of hurt or loss. Others may feel victimized, unwanted or unloved. But those things really aren't the cause of a child's suicide. When a teen attempts or succeeds at taking his/her life, it's because at that time, they thought it was the only answer."

Although we all feel overwhelmed sometimes, teens who attempt or succed at taking their lives can't get over whatever is weighting them down due to depression and lack of hope. Read more to find out how to help teenagers deal with depression and suicide.

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Author Barbara Coloroso wants to remind parents that, though sitting down to watch the latest episode of Survivor or American Idol may be fun, you should be mindful of what it teaches your kids. Many "reality" shows sensationalize bad behavior: lying, cheating, manipulating, etc.

"'When someone is voted off the (Survivor) island or one of the Idol shows or we laugh at America's Funniest Home Videos, we are teaching our kids to laugh at somebody else's expense."

Coloroso suggests that parents set good examples, being mindful of how they treat others in grocery stores, when driving, and elsewhere. She stresses that good, moral behavior, and genuine compassion for others is caught - not taught - and that our kids will follow our examples. Read more form online.

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Many "experts" advise divorced or single parents to hide dating relationships from their kids until the relationship becomes serious. But one Mom has taken the opposite route. Rather than hide her dating relationships, she's been open and honest with her kids about wanting to meet the right man and marry again.

"...the experts would seemingly have Mom lying to her children and sneaking off to meet some fellow (not exactly great patterning for when our kids are teens), only to have the fellow suddenly presented when it's serious. Mystery is a scary hardship for our kids, and children of divorce go through too much hardship as it is."

This Mom's experiences have been positive ones since she's begun dating again. Because her kids know she wants to be married again, there's no need to hide a new relationship. If the relationship ends, she's able to explain to her kids why it's over, thus setting another good example for finding the right mate.

Read more online.

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Halloween can be a challenging time for teens and parents. Many teens feel they're too told to go trick-or-treating, but they are too young for adult parties. This helpful article from the Montgomery Advisor offers some helpful suggestions.

"...assign teens a specific task such as handing out candy at home, designing a spooky scene to scare trick-or-treaters, or taking younger siblings around the neighborhood."

Giving teens clearly defined roles helps them feel more "grown up" while still being able to have fun. Many communities offer fun and safe alternatives as well. Check a community calendar or check local news web sites for event times and locations. Read more online.

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Most parents and teens have very different views of school. Parents view it as a place for their child to learn and excel academically. Most teens view it as a place to socialize. It's important to take this difference into consideration when dealing with a "less than exciting" report card.

This article at ParentingIdeas.com gives some tips for effectively dealing with poor grades. Tips include taking into account not just grades but attendance and conduct in classes, not over-reacting by handing out a punishment that's too harsh, and giving your child manageable goals for improving his grades.

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In Chatsworth, a Southern California suburb, a top high school athlete struggled with what could have been a career ending injury. When Mike Moustakas broke his ankle, his parents worried just as much about his mental health as they did about whether or not his injury would require surgery.

An article in the LA Times puts the focus on athletes and what's going on off the court, field or track. Experts say parents need to find a balance between being supportive and being too hard on their kids.

"'Children need to feel they are loved for who they are and not what they do,' said Madeline Levine, a clinical psychologist for 25 years and author of the best-selling book, "The Price of Privilege," which looks at depression, anxiety and substance abuse among adolescents."

Read the entire story from the LA Times.

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Guilt seems to be an inevitable part of parenting. No matter how well you raise your kids, you always feel like you could have done better. On the web site www.onMilwaukee.com, staff writer Molly Edler talks about her parental guilt and offers some encouragement to other parents who may be feeling the same things.

"The most important part about parental guilt is not to let it consume you, and to let go of it in any way you can. Also, it's a bit self-righteous to think we parents have THAT much control over anyone, even our own children."

All kids are going to pick up characteristics of their parents. It's inevitable. Some will be good. Some will be not-so-good. And there will always be things you'd like to do over again. Edler reminds parents to keep these things in perspective and not get too wrapped up in the negative thoughts.

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The Decatur Daily posted tips from three counselors on ways parents can help their kids during a divorce. The tips they offer include taking an adult approach, being consistent, and not making children choose. Read more online.

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Researchers at the National Institutes of Health and the University College London can now prove what parents have known forever: teen brains aren't fully functional. The part of the brain that is responsible for higher-level thinking, such as assessing risks, empathy, and guilt, isn't fully developed until the age of 25. Armed with this knowledge, parents can us it to determine their standards of appropriate behavior and maybe understand why their kids do the things the do (or don't do the things they are supposed to do).

Read more from the Washington Times.

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The American Academy of Pediatrics recently released a study that raises some concerns over the stress levels of high school students. Collegiate-focused activities (AP classes, extra-curricular activities, applications, SAT tests, etc) have so filled many teens' schedules that some are getting worn out.

"...[Marilee] Jones has come to the conclusion that our children are under way too much pressure. They're far too busy - and highly stressed - all in the service of getting into college."

Many of the stress signs can be subtle, like headaches or stomachaches. American Academy of Pediatrics members who conducted the study recommend giving teens some down time, giving them opportunities to let their imaginations and creativity flow. Members are even launching a new web site designed to help teens develop their own stress-reduction plans.

Read the full report from NPR.com.

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With all the shootings, bomb threats, and other violence that's been happening in schools, some kids may be scared to go to school. It's important that you help your child process her feelings, and that you do your best reassure him that his school is safe.

"'Parents typically jump in and try to allay a fear too soon,' says [Boston College psychologist John] Dacey 'Don't argue them out of it. The goal is to get the feelings out, not correct them.'"

Give your child a chance to express herself. If she says she doesn't want to go to school, ask why. And listen closely to the answers. Or, rather than waiting for your child's fears to grow, comment about her school's safety and ask her what she thinks.

Read more from Boston.com.

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In this day and age, parental involvement is a must. Jr. high and high school students are inundated by media and advertising messages that manipulate their hormones and emotions. It's vital that parents be involved in and aware of what their pre-teens and teens are watching and doing, because kids are at a greater risk than ever for being exploited.

"It used to be that a parent's worst nightmare was the guy in a trench coat lurking in the shadows on the playground. Today, that guy is often in our kids' bedroom. Ignorant parents, or those too fearful to set standards at home, are paying for their sons and daughters to be virtually stalked in the comfort of their own homes."

Between video games, TV, and the Internet, the average youth spends over 6 hours a day on media-related activities. This article from Rebecca Haglin, which appeared in The Free Lance - Star, is filled with information and tips to help parents keep their kids safe.

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A study in Vermont has linked TV watching and video game playing to reduced school performance. According to the study, these activities only affect a student's performance if they watched TV or played video games on a school night. Weekend activity didn't seem to have much of an effect.

"'On weekdays, the more they watched, the worse they did,'said study co-author Dr. Iman Sharif of Children's Hospital at Montefiore in the Bronx. 'They could watch a lot on weekends and it didn't seem to correlate with doing worse in school.'"

One of the study's recommendations is that students be limited to one to two hours of TV a night, and they should not be allowed to have a TV in their room.

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Should 12-year-olds have cellphones? What about 11-year-olds? How about ten-year-olds? New York Times writer Alina Tugend talks about why she and her husband decided to get their 10-year-old son his own phone. Although they didn't often lavish high-tech toys on their boys, the Tugend's found it less expensive than they thought to outfit their oldest son with his own phone. While parents see the value of kids having phones for safety reasons, tweens and teens see it as must for being considered "cool" and "in" by their peers. Learn more about the pros and cons of giving cellphones to pre-teens and teenagers from the New York Times.

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As more and more teenagers use the social networking website MySpace, more and more parents are beginning to use the public website as a way to keep track of what their kids are doing. Millions of teens post gossip, information about parties, and references to drug use on their pages for everyone, including their parents, to see.

"MySpace is no longer just the cornerstone of adolescent social lives. It doubles as a parent's best friend...a Southern California mother is teaching other parents how to maximize their MySpace spying potential through her own Web site: myspaceforparents.com."

Myspaceforparnets.com offers parents a step-by-step guide on how to create their own accounts and then find their kids' profile to learn what they're up to. Read more from the San Francisco Chronicle.

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