News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

All parents strive to provide a supportive environment for their children: a world where kids are free from pain and worry. When traumatic events happen, parents work to ease the pain and to teach coping strategies. When death occurs, we try and rescue them from the hurt by showing love, empathy, and hope.

But sometimes, parents rescue their kids when it's not needed, and in fact is detrimental to our kids. Schools talk about the omnipresence of parents stopping in to drop off their children's lunches, books, forgotten reports, and permission slips. Sometimes this helpfulness is actually encouraging dependence, poor planning, and not taking responsibility.

The next time your child calls and asks for their forgotten lunch, ask yourself if you're rescuing your child or "rescuing" your child. If your child is a diabetic or needs special foods, then yes, you need to drive the lunch over to school. If your child calls and asks you to bring their swim suit to practice, consider your choices. If your child continually forgets things and seems to be relying on you to bail him out on a regular basis, consider not driving over the swim suit. On the other hand, if your child is generally very responsible and requests that you drive her to school because she missed the bus, driving her to school is a loving, helpful gesture.

By not rescuing your children from all their missteps, you may be doing them a favor that will help strengthen them and teach them responsibility.

Learn about Camp Huntington special needs summer camps.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

The Kansas City Star published common parenting questions and the answers from teenagers, parents and parenting experts. The questions include paying kids for good grades, controlling teenagers' choices in friends, allowing children to stay home alone during the summer, and letting teens ride in cars driven by just-licensed peers. Read the answers online at kansascity.com.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

In an effort to curb the rising numbers of high school dropouts, Hawaii's Department of Education is offering alternatives to students who struggle in traditional classroom settings. Educators in Hawaii are also looking at redesigning high schools, expanding adult education programs, and offering at-risk students job training programs at community colleges to get dropouts to come back to school and earn their high school diploma. Competency-based diploma classes appeal to dropouts who don't fit in the conventional schooling system. The more programs available to teenagers, the more chances they have to graduate and the more hope they have for the future. Read more about alternative education opportunities in Hawaii from the Honolulu Advertiser.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

Delayed sleep phase syndrome, which affects the body's internal clock, is rarely diagnosed and may impact millions of teenagers and young adults. The disorder leads to sleepiness and mood swings and teens who suffer from are often treated for ADD or depression. Warning signs for parents include daytime sleepiness and a sudden drop in grades. Fortunately, delayed sleep phase syndrome is treatable. Learn more from wcco.com.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

An independent study conducted in Westport, CT found that affluent parents of teens were more tolerant of substance use than they were of other destructive behaviors such as stealing or academic failure. The student was done to see how affluence affected teenagers' emotions and behaviors. The research also found that affluent girls are more likely to use drugs and alcohol in an effort to deal with the pressures of "highly critical parents" and the stresses of being a teenager. The study suggested a more hands-on approach to parenting. Read more online from the Westport News.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

Forbes.com reported on a new study which may shed some light on the reason why children with bipolar disorder are often more aggressive and less developed social skills than children without the disorder. Researchers found that bipolar kids misinterpret facial expressions to be hostile and see emotions that others miss. This could explain why bipolar children suffer from mania and depression and why they have strained relationships with their peers and family members. Read more about the way the brains of bipolar kids reacted during the study at forbes.com.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

A new medical study finds that teens who use their cell phones more than 90 times a day, including calls and text messaging, suffer from anxiety and depression more than their peers who don't log as many minutes on their cells. Researchers say that teenagers turned to their cells when they were unhappy or bored. Other studies show how students think of cell phones as more than just ways to communicate - they are extensions of themselves and part of their personal identities. Learn more about the relationship between cell phone use and depression in teens from the San Francisco Chronicle.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

In Cook County, Indiana, a program is helping troubled teens by giving them jobs, not jail time. Because of the direct correlation between teenagers, unemployment, education failure and law-breaking behavior, authorities believe that employing teens helps crime prevention. Read more about the program from the NWItimes.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

Tweens and teens have found a new and dangerous, albeit drug-free, way to get high. The "choking game" is being played in middle and high schools across the country. Kids think it's a harmless way for a quick high and because they're not using illegal drugs or alcohol younger kids can get away with it. Because the "choking game" cuts off the supply of oxygen to the brain, it can be just as damaging as drugs. Read on to learn more about the "choking game" and signs that your child has already tried it from the Finger Lakes Times.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

Last week, two teenage girls traded punches on a public street corner in Ivanhoe, North Carolina. Society typically expects boys to take out their frustrations with their fists, but not girls. Girls are usually mean to each other in more subtle ways, which is called relational aggression. By sending nasty instant messages and emails, girls spread rumors faster than wildfires burn dry summer grass. Experts fear that more aggressive roles by women in violent movies are sending teenage girls the wrong message. Read more from News 14 Carolina.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

A recent report claims that the alcohol industry is blatantly targeting underage drinkers in an effort to increase profits and create lifelong consumers. Experts at the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, CASA, want more federal regulation of alcohol ads, adding that self-regulation by the alcohol industry isn't working. Further studies show a direct correlation between advertising and underage drinking. Read more about CASA's research and what representatives for the alcohol industry are saying in response online.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

Experts have advice for parents of troubled teens. They say there are specific steps that can be taken to help foster a happier and healthier family. First, take action - don't ignore the problem. Second, understand that things must change - beginning with the way you parent. Third, turn to outside resources for help - books, support groups, and therapists. Fourth, trust your parental instincts. Read more about communicating with your troubled teen and ways to help them online from the SW Newshearld.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

Alcohol and addictions counselors say that teenagers want their parents to set boundaries and make rules. Good parenting skills will help prevent drug and alcohol use and help teens learn good values. Many parents are surprised and relieved to hear that their children want them to be involved in their lives. Teens say it's very important to have their parents' support and guidance. Experts also say that parents should trust their instincts and follow their gut feelings. Read more about parenting teenagers from the Lacrosse Tribune.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

Although being a parent is a serious job, many parents agree that having a good sense of humor is a requirement not a luxury. When parents laugh, so will their kids, which will help curb stress, make tedious chores less boring, and defuse tense situations. The more joy and silliness there is in the home, the better the relationship and the bond formed between parent and child. Read how some parents infuse humor in their household from the Contra Costa Times.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

The type of parent you are could significantly affect the relationship you have with your children. Researchers have determined there are four basic types of parenting: indifferent, authoritarian, indulgent and authoritative. The types were determined based on varying combinations of expectations and supportiveness. Read on to find out what's your parenting style and how you could improve the way you interact with your child, especially if you are having trouble with the behavior of your child.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

Parenting books abound. Topics include daily parenting, dealing with challenging behaviors, sibling rivalry, blended families, growing in spirituality as a family, and many more. When parents are confronted by unexpected or extreme behaviors from their child or adolescent, parenting books can be a lifeline providing inspiration, tips, and support. But which books are the best?

When building a library of parenting books, or decided which ones to request from an interlibrary loan, there are several ways to assess their potential value to you and your family. Ask about books in any on-line support groups you belong to. Check with parents of children with similar challenging behaviors to your child. Read through the reviews at Amazon.com. And, remind yourself that even when armed with advice from others, you may just stumble onto the perfect book for you by accident.

A few books that are often found to be helpful for parents of children with emotional and behavioral issues include: Parenting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck, When Love Is Not Enough by Nancy Thomas, Common Sense Parenting by Ray Burke, Building the Bonds of Attachment by Daniel Hughes, and one of the standards, Parenting With Love and Logic, or, Parenting Teens With Love and Logic by Jim Faye and Foster Cline. These books might provide parenting approaches that are extremely helpful. Or, if not these books, search for others that meet your needs and help you parent your child to the best of your ability.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

Rayne Wolfe of The Press Democrat published a great article about a troubled teenager who was sent to Sage Walk, the wilderness program that was featured last summer on the TV series "Brat Camp." Troy Prokopowich, who fell into drinking and using drugs as a way to escape his emotions, talks about the real "Brat Camp." While he said it was a hard, intense program to go through, he also feels that it was "a life changing experience." Read more about Troy's advice to teens and parents who suspect their children are using drugs online.

Sage Walk, The Wilderness School for troubled teens, is a therapeutic wilderness program that serves as an intense intervention for teenagers struggling with emotional, academic, and/or behavioral problems.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

Springtime is filled with celebrations for teenagers and their families. Proms and graduations are two common teen events that are often accompanied by alcohol use. But they don't have to. Listen America works with schools and communities to reinforce morals and character children and adolescents. By raising awareness about the dangers of underage drinking, schools and communities are better able to prevent problems and keep their young people safe. Read more from the Cadillac News.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

A new study by the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), National Institutes of Health, shows that teens who exhibit high levels of risky behaviors have similar chances of developing symptoms of adolescent depression. NIDA Director Dr. Nora D. Volkow says. "The findings from this study create a more complete picture of commonalities and differences of the risk of depression among boys and girls who engage in risky behaviors, and provide information for healthcare providers to consider as they screen, evaluate, and treat their young patients." Symptoms of depression include loss of appetite, loss of interest in things that used to be of interest, being bothered by things that previously were not bothersome, and not feeling hopeful about the future. Read more about the findings of the study online.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

With all the hype and negative publicity in the last year, MySpace may be losing its coolness factor with tweens and teens. Kids of all ages are now turning to Bebo.com, Facebook.com, Xanga and other sites to keep in touch with friends online. By the sheer fact that MySpace has become the biggest social-networking site, avid users may begin to look around for alternates. And there are plenty of other sites just waiting to take MySpace's place in the hearts of teenagers. Since teens follow each other around, where one goes, many more are soon to follow. Learn more about the next generation of social networking sites and what parents need to do to keep their kids safe from TechNewsWorld.com.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

Parenting books often talk about the importance of helping a child build their self esteem. Some therapists and parenting specialists nowadays suggest that constant positive feedback, and ongoing efforts to be sure a child always feels special, may not provide an honest view of the real world. On the other hand, there are children for whom building self esteem is not even part of their reality because they don't have any sense of self - no identity of themselves separate from other people.

Stop and think for a moment... What do you like doing on sunny days? Isn't it funny how you loved dogs as a child, and your sibling loved birds...? Where are you headed in life? Most of us are able to answer and comfortably contemplate these questions. Some children, however, have no sense of self. Ask them personal questions about their feelings, beliefs, and interests, and they may struggle to answer. They may have no sense of who they are... no sense of self.

The lack of sense of self most often occurs when babies and young children are raised without security, without consistency, without warmth. When these are missing, as might happen with early childhood trauma or dysfunctional families, there may be an inability to separate oneself from others. A person becomes only a response to others, not a separate identity.

Does your child struggle with questions like, "What do you think?" or, "How would you feel?" then they may be suffering from an underdeveloped sense of self. There are several things you can do to help develop a child's sense of self. Provide activities where they are pushed to consider their own interests, traits, and characteristics. For example, you might have them create an acrostic poem (write their name vertically and have them write one phrase or sentence about themselves that starts with each letter of their name). Identify out loud to your child your own sense of self, i.e., "I'm the kind of person who always feels sad when I see a homeless person."

Over time, your child will begin to identify their personal traits and characteristics as part of their internal self. If this doesn't happen, you might seek out professional counseling for your child to access if there are any underlying psychological issues that need attention in order for your child to develop a healthy sense of self.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

Teenagers need rules. And they need to learn when they break the rules, there are consequences to pay. For parents, setting rules can be tricky. General guidelines to setting rules include making sure they are reasonable, making sure they are enforceable, and making them consistent. Learn more about setting rules for teens and enforcing them online.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments

Control: to exercise authoritative or dominating influence over someone or something. Manipulate: to influence or manage shrewdly or deviously or to tamper with or falsify for personal gain.

All kids wheedle their parents for an extra cookie . . . or to stay up an extra 10 minutes at night . . . or to hear just one more story. A child might use extra smiles, a hug, a convincing tone of voice, a reminder of previous good behavior, or appeal to the parents sense of guilt. And, sometimes parents give in, even when theyre fully aware that they are being manipulated; they might even chuckle about it.

But, control and manipulation can be abusive when it's used inappropriately. Does the child play one friend against another? Or parent against parent? Maybe they control others through threats. Maybe they manipulate a sibling. These negative types of control and manipulation are almost always undergirded by a psychological issue. For example, children diagnosed with reactive attachment (RAD) disorder often have control and/or manipulation listed as one of their traits. These kids have usually had varying levels of trauma, abuse, or neglect in the first few years of their life. With that kind of background, kids lack trust and often use manipulative, controlling behaviors as a form of self-preservation. Even when the kids move into safe, secure situations/families, these behaviors have often become an ingrained habit.

Sometimes kids overcome the use of inappropriate control and manipulation through consistent parenting in a trust-filled home. Other times, kids may need therapeutic interventions in order to move past these behaviors.

Posted By: By Parents For Parents 1 Comment

It wasn't until fairly recently that the medical community, and society as a whole, realized that children suffer from depression. Even today, some people consider that depression is something to "get over," or "move past." With true depression, not merely a gloomy period in one's life, it may take a variety of interventions to overcome this state.

Depression can be brought on by one or more of the following factors: a genetic predisposition to depression, living through traumatic or unstable situations that change the brain's ability to deal with stress, and a chemical imbalance of various hormones. Treating depression might include one or more of the following: therapy, medication, meditation, or lifestyle changes.

In adults, depression may be identified by insomnia, withdrawal, forgetfulness, or more. In children and adolescents, depressive characteristics may also include change in eating patters, excessive or reduced amounts of sleep, obsessive behaviors, and agitation.

Identifying and treating children and teenagers with depression can positively impact their self esteem, family life, academics, and social interactions. Like any emotional, behavioral, or mental health issue, awareness must be the first step before treatment. They need to educate themselves about depression in children. Talk to their child's primary medical provider. Get their child assessed. They might find out that their child's behaviors are merely part of normal childhood development. Or, parents might be providing tools to help her become the talented and successful person parents know she can be.

Posted By: By Parents For Parents 0 Comments

The most recent trend to emerge by parents of teens is the one to hire professional career counselors for kids still in high school. While some feel that it's just another tactic employed by overambitious parents, others agree that the need for career counselors for teenagers is valid. The fee-based counseling for high school students is expensive, but it gets kids to become career focused and more committed to an academic plan. Often, the counseling includes assessments of the teen's skills, personality traits, and interests. The professional career counselor then advises the teen and their parents about which careers would be the best match for them. Read more about career counseling for teens at MercuryNews.com.

Posted By: Lori S 0 Comments