Teen Boarding Schools
Boarding Schools Info
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Deciding to have your child attend a boarding school can be difficult. Not only is it a hard decision to make, but it can be a hard decision for your child to accept. Though you want to stand firm in your decision about boarding school, you'll want to help ease your child into the idea.
Rather than announcing that you've made the boarding school decision for your child, talk about it with her. Let her read about the school you're considering and listen to her opinions about it. If you're considering more than one school, discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each. Ask for her thoughts, ideas, and overall opinion of each school. If the schools are close, visit them together. Talk to teachers and administrators together, and let your daughter ask questions. If she can start building rapport with a teacher or dorm house advisor she'll feel less apprehensive.
One of the best ways to help your child accept the idea of boarding school is to have her join you in making some of the smaller decisions. Let her decide what she wants to pack, what classes she'd like to take, and what extra-curricular activities she wants to try. If she can choose her roommate, and she has a preference, let her make that decision as well. Having the freedom to make choices means she'll have a greater sense of control over the situation and will feel less like the decision is being "forced" on her. You're also telling her - indirectly - that her opinion matters and that you truly care about her happiness and well-being.
When you visit schools, try to get a feel for what daily life will be like for your child. Help her see that, even though it will be different, it will be good. Help her see the positives. If possible, look at the dorms, the classrooms and other places where your daughter will be spending lots of her time - like dining halls and study rooms. Fear of the unknown is common, and is not limited to adults. Young people experience fear for the same reason, so the more "unknowns" you can dispel the more readily your daughter will accept the idea of boarding school.
If she's had trouble at previous schools, especially if the trouble has been more social than academic, talk about the boarding school as a chance for a "fresh start". It's a chance for her to make new friends, and to be in a safer, healthier environment. Several studies have proven that there are benefits to attending single-sex boarding schools. Find some of this information and let your daughter read it. Let her see that, at a girls' boarding school, she'll get away from a lot of the pressures that kids face in co-ed schools.
Take time to talk not just about the school, but about how your daughter feels about the school. Listen to her when she tells you how she feels about going to a boarding school. Empathize with her feelings of fear and possibly sorrow over living away from her family and friends. Give her the freedom to express her emotions, even if you don't fully understand them. Teens don't always express themselves as clearly as adults, so your daughter will need some extra time and patience from you as she processes her feelings. Affirm what she's feeling, but at the same time, be sure to dispel any wrong thinking.
For example, your daughter may feel like she's being "sent away" as some form of punishment. If she's caused trouble in the past, she may feel like you've decided that you simply don't want to deal with her anymore. Let her express these feelings - they're real - but then make sure she knows that she's not being punished and she's not being sent away because she's a "bad kid" or because mom and dad want to be rid of her. It's important that she knows you love her and aren't abandoning her to someone else's care.
Once your daughter has moved into school, keep in close contact with her. Call her, send her "care packages" and visit her when you can. Make sure she knows you're still here, still available, and still taking an active interest in her life. The first few weeks may be hard for her as she adjusts to her new surroundings. She may call you in tears, feeling homesick, and wanting to come home. Again, it's important that you listen, validate her feelings and empathize with her. But gently stick to your decision and assure her that she'll feel better and start to feel more at home in her school soon. Most boarding schools have "open campus" weekends, meaning that parents can pick their daughters up and take them home for the weekend. Take advantage of open campus weekends. It will help your daughter realize that she's still an important part of the family and will help her stay connected.
The most important thing is to let your daughter be part of the process and give her the freedom she needs to express her emotions in healthy, productive ways.